Serum

-Sixteen-

When I arrived at the church I discovered the door slightly ajar and my clothing bags behind the curtain. The fluffy scarf was missing, so I had a sneaking suspicion it had been hidden from view somewhere. Smiling, I organized and folded my new clothes. ‘Very strong feelings for each other’ he’d said. I was trying hard not to let it go to my head, but I’ll be honest, it wasn’t working. Even his joke about marrying him had me pausing in my task. Would he..want that? We barely knew each other, and yet.. I shook my head, packing away the thoughts with my new clothes. Stepping out from behind the curtain, I noticed Conner was across the room stripping the chipping paint from around one of the stained glass windows.

“Mind if I help?” I asked as I walked up behind Conner.

“Help yourself.” Conner answered, motioning at a pile of aprons and tools. “Not trying to be sarcastic, by the way.” He teased with a smile. I slipped an apron over my clothing, grabbed a scraper, pushed back my sleeves and began helping Conner strip the old paint. I felt a little like I didn’t know how to approach him suddenly. Was I just too much in my own head, overthinking things? I kept sneaking peeks at him, but he was concentrating, a slight frown on his face. I wondered what he was thinking about, and why I had the urge to reach over and smooth the frown lines from him.

We worked most of the night, stopping only for a quick break now and then. Our conversations seemed to be stilted and awkward.

“This place is really gorgeous.” I told Conner during one of our breaks.

“Yeah, you should have seen it while it was kept up. I plan on repainting the entire thing. The windows themselves are fine; I’d hate to replace them. The ceiling will need to be fixed as well, the flooring is still good, but I’d like a lighter colored carpet, maybe a rosy red color to accentuate the windows. Some of the pews still need some pick-me-ups, mainly replacing the padding and polishing the wood. I’ve already replaced the door, the last one somebody had broken in.”

“Somebody or something?” I muttered sourly, then jerked. “I’m sorry, there I go again. I don’t mean to sound so crass, it’s like a part of my personality now. I don’t know if it was always there, or if the vampiric part just made it worse or what. But just like the vampire bit, it’s dug into my person and I can’t seem to weed it out.” I twitched again as I realized I’d just inadvertently insulted him. “Oh, please don’t take that the wrong way!” I banged my fist on the pew.

“Everything I say is wrong!” I exclaimed. Conner gently cradled my hand, lifting it to inspect it. I hadn’t realized it, but I had split the skin along the edge. A rush of emotion filtered through the new link between us. Pity, understanding to a certain extent, a desire to try to understand better, and there was something else. An emotion I didn’t want to trust myself to feel. I found myself staring at Conner as he brushed the blood from the wound with his thumb. There was a gentleness and care coming through that made me feel like melting.

“May I try something?” I blurted. “I know that you can’t really understand what it feels like for me, or what it feels like to have been “changed” mid-course, or even what it was like being human. You’ve shared memories with me, may I try sharing mine? But I’m afraid that you may have to help me out, I don’t know how exactly this works.” Conner looked up abruptly and met my gaze, he nodded slowly and then smiled.

“Here, just don’t resist my touch unless it’s something you don’t want to share, then I’ll back off.” Gentle tentacles reached into my mind, and my memories began flipping through my consciousness. At first, it felt as though the things stored in my head were being pulled at Conner, unbidden. Until I began to help, showing him what my life was before, and after the change. My frustrated emotions at not quite being fully vampire or human rose to the top. I wasn’t sure how to handle either part of myself. There was the fear from the human part at being interwoven with the vampire, afraid that I would lose the part of me that had been, afraid of the human in me dying. Then finally my acceptance, even vampiric joy at being what I was, discovering my new skills, new abilities. Yet the undercurrent of human derision and fear still remained. Attacking and feeding off humans seemed like a twisted thing to me. Suddenly a memory burst to the top of all else, a memory I had never seen before.

I was lying on the floor staring at something that didn’t make any sense. Legs, pew legs, between the aisles in the church, a sharp jab in the meaty part of my hip caught my attention. I couldn’t move. A burning liquid was squirted into the muscle tissue there. The muscles began to jump, and I felt the liquid travel throughout my circulatory system in a few short minutes with my rapid pulse. By the time the liquid-fire reached my brainstem, it felt as though my body was burning. It set my spine and brain on fire. I was regaining some movement, and I curled into a tight ball, clawing at the back of my head. A scream as I began to rip at the flesh, intent upon pulling out the burning matter. My nails broke off quickly, my pale skin began to have cracks. The burning stopped suddenly. Then incredible pain as hair came off my scalp in chunks, my skin shed in strips, and my bones began to lengthen and realign. I gagged as teeth popped out into my mouth, nearly choking me as they tried to tumble down my throat. I spit, blood, tissue and teeth, the mess flowing from my mouth along with the emptying of my stomach. My ears, eyes, mouth, and everything hurt like crazy, as the delicate organs were re-adjusted. My heart suddenly fluttered as the muscles were reformed, made stronger. I gasped as my lungs were strengthened and for what seemed like hours I could not get air. And the blood, oh the blood! It was everywhere, and always the pain. I finally fell unconscious when I could bear the pain no longer, and the memory broke like a thousand little pieces of glass.

Shaking I retreated from Conner, tears running down my face. I was blinded by them. Apparently vampires did cry. Conner let me retreat momentarily, but seemed as though he couldn’t take it, and quickly came over and wrapped me in his arms. Comfort and horror from him coursed through me. I felt as though he took my mind and gently cradled it, keeping my heart and soul safe from the relentless cruelty of my memories.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Conner repeated over and over. My face was buried in his shirt, but when I finally stopped shaking, I pulled back again, physically and mentally from Conner.

“That was the serum wasn’t it? That’s what happened?” I questioned, “The memory was repressed and I didn’t even know it existed!”

“Yes, that’s what happened. I hoped that you would never remember it, because you seemed to be unconscious through most of it, and you’d never mentioned it. If I had known that sharing your memories would have freed it, I never would have let you share them with me. I never would have wanted you to have to experience it in the first place, much less relive it in your memories!” Conner mourned. He reached out a hand for me, but I slid back further still.

“No, it’s not your fault. It would have come back eventually, better here and now than later when it could have caused real damage. Besides, I think I needed to know.” I replied, shaking my head. Then a horrible thought occurred to me and I paused.

“What chance is there for me to go back, truly?” I murmured. I could imagine that the only reason I had survived that transformation was because my body was being remade to be stronger. If the reverse were to be true, I’m not certain my body could survive it. Conner hesitated.

“Please, I need to know.” I begged softly, urgently.

“Slim, if ever. Lana hasn’t invented an antidote to vampirism that actually works, and her serum seems to work very well at making and keeping people vampires.” Conner’s reply was slow and careful. I bowed my head. “Beyond that, not many survive..” I reached out and touched his arm, pleading with him to stop silently, then stood up gracefully and made my way back to the windows.