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opia [h.s au]

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Blurb

The definition of the word "opia" is the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable, and that describes exactly how I felt every time I looked into his eyes - like he was capable of seeing every little piece of my soul while still hiding his from me.

"I'm an empty vase, love." He whispered to my ear, making my heart skip a beat and my stomach flutter "Even a narcissist, egocentric guy like me can see that you're too good and I'm not worth of your time."

I looked into his emerald green eyes, fully aware that every time I held his gaze I was drowning myself deeper into the depths of him and knowing that, no matter how it might hurt, he was worthy of every little piece of my broken heart.

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Prologue
It took me twenty-eight years to finally let go and enjoy myself following my instincts but I am glad I decided to do it today. I mean, it's not like I've never have fun, I do get my share of parties every once in a while, to be honest I had them mainly during the few years I attended to college, but it happened anyway. I had my share of wild. At least that's what I thought for the last three years of my life. Having fun meant to be at home watching some random movie while eating an endless amount of junk food and eventually falling asleep next to my boyfriend Sam. Well, more like ex-boyfriend Sam, but whatever. I was never one to party too hard and when I met him it was like meeting my other-half. You see, Sam was an old soul just like me, preferring to be at home doing nothing at a Saturday night then out clubbing like the rest of our friends. For us having a blast would normally mean staying up all night playing some board game while drinking fancy beer, probably with SpongeBob playing on the background. Don't get me wrong - I do love SpongeBob. However, seems like after three years Sam have had enough of, and I quote, a boring relationship. See, however Sam was a very sweet and easygoing boyfriend, he wasn't that much of a gentleman about ending things. I mean, he probably would've been more kind to me if he actually gave a flying f**k about how I felt. But how could he give a f**k about me while being so preoccupied screwing my best friend? There's only a certain amount of f***s one is able to give at once. Yeah, about that. Never trust the b***h that said you look good in f*****g purple eye shadow, that's all I have to say. She was probably engineering everything ever since the beginning. Woah, Billie seems like the kind of dumb f**k who will accept anything I suggest her to do. Let's see how far I can push her till she breaks. Fucking long, that's how far. It took me a while to get over the fact that I was double-cheated by the two people I'd loved and trusted more in the world, but you know, now that six months has passed I feel slightly less traumatized by it. I mean, don't think I would ever fall in love again, let alone have a relationship, but now at least I'm getting off bed every morning and doing the s**t I always loved. As in working my ass off and having the deal with the worst field ever created - the fashion industry, being way too underpaid in order to cope with those narcissistic self proclaimed fashion bloggers. Anyway, here I am at a random club with loud music that has such a low bass I kinda feel it more than hear it. It's a good music, though. I'm not one to judge what the younger people listen to these days. I know being 28 means that I'm not that old - all that thirties is the new twenties bullshit people talk nowadays as an excuse to be f*****g reckless and not concern about having the responsibilities a young adult should be having. But for me it was never like that, I left my father's house when I was eighteen, so much for delaying responsibilities. Anyhoo, this f*****g club is filled with odd people. Don't know why I let Dominic convince me to come here in the first place, I would much rather prefer going to a club with normal people for a change. Don't get me wrong - I really love the bad boy tattooed vibes my best friend have, but I'm more like a spectator of the wild way of living thing. I think I'd seen more illicit drugs in the past few hours then during my entire life span and people seem to just don't care if anybody is watching as they take tequila shots and lines of cocaine from each others f*****g belly buttons. If I told Billie from six months ago that here was the place I would be in a f*****g Thursday night, I would've laughed out loud, the entire concept seemingly way too absurd. Yet, here I am. I have no idea where Dom is - he is my best friend ever since college and as much as we are very different people, we always got along just fine. Our friendship went kinda cold during the three years of relationship with Sam, who couldn't stand Dom and never accepted the possibility of a woman having a male best friend without second intentions. That's why during the three years of relationship with Sam, I became closer to Annabelle, the so-called girl best friend Sam as so fond of. As it turned out, maybe he was a little too fond of her. Even with me being a terrible friend to Dom during the past few years, he was there when everything went to s**t and I'm f*****g grateful for that, don't know what would I do with myself if it wasn't for him. That's why currently I would kill for that sly son of b***h. However, if I could put my hands on Dom right now I would f*****g strangle him. I mean, he promised he would not leave me alone at the dance floor but where the f**k is he now? Pretty sure he already found a girl or a guy to have his fun with this night and completely forgot about his ol'gal Billie here. Well, if I have to endure a night among crazy people I may as well go crazy too. With that in mind I fight my way through sweaty bodies to the closest balcony and order two shots of tequila. You know what they say, if you gonna do it you better do it right. Will future Billie be pissed to present Billie tomorrow? Abso-f*****g-lutely. Do now Billie gives a f**k? Guess not. With a dizzy head and tipsy toes I come back to the dance floor, letting myself actually drown on the loud music playing and closing my eyes in order to completely let go, moving along the people in the same rhythm as them. My drunk perception makes everything way better and I'm not at all fazed by the way two girls are practically eating each other out right next to me here on the dance floor, or the heterosexual couple doing the same just a few steps away. To be honest the mix of tequila, the low bass vibrating inside of my chest and the fact that I haven't got laid ever since Sam is making me very... Thrilled. I'm craving for some body contact of my own but guess there's no amount of alcohol in the world that would make me let go of my inhibitions enough to have the kind of interactions people are getting into all around me. For my surprise, I actually know the music that starts playing next. Well to be honest I shouldn't be so surprised, I only know this music because Dom usually play the band on repeat for hours when he is at my place. The beat starts slow, but it will increase to the chorus and I close my eyes, feeling overwhelmed by the lyrics that feel way too much real for me. Suddenly, I feel a hand gripping on my waist firmly and snap my eyes open, a smile playing on my lips as I expect to see Doms pretty face when I look up, but it's not him. Instead, I feel my stomach flutter with the pair of green eyes staring at me, a smirk on his lips and I'm taken aback of how f*****g handsome this guy actually is. He has the most perfect face features that's somehow are kinda boyish and extremely sexy at the same time, a sharp jawline, well-defined cheekbones and curly long locks framing his face. What do a Greek god like this guy is doing with a hand on my waist, for f**k sake? I frown at him, freezing completely from my drunk dancing and his smirk goes bigger as he leans towards me and his lips ghosts over my ear, making my entire body shiver. "Oh love please don't stop dancing - you look like a goddess." A goddess, really? Are you f*****g kidding me? I try to hold it in but right now my self-control is as weak as the tequila was strong, so I start laughing to his face. He frowns, but I don't freaking care - I mean, if he thinks my dance moves makes me look like a goddess he must be so f*****g wasted he is actually brain dead. I have seen myself dance before, and the only godly thing about it is that when you look at me you wish God would take my soul already and take me out of my misery. It's f*****g terrible, I usually look like a baby giraffe taking its first steps. Looking up I see the confused look on his face. The poor boy must be used to make girls squirm with redden cheeks at his cheesy remarks, being that handsome must be bad for the brain - things got just too easy and one forget how to use it properly. I smile at him, getting in the tips of my toes in order to reach his ear and he leans down a little - the son of a b***h is freaking tall - so I can mimic his actions, ghosting my lips over his ear before adding "Don't even try it, boy, I'm not here for that." He looks down at me, a surprised smirk cracking up his lips before he runs his pink tongue over his teeth, looking at me intently. Ops. Thought that my remark would make this guy go away but for the smug look on his face he took it more like a challenge. Well now that I'm thinking about it maybe it did sound like a challenge? s**t, I don't know, never been this drunk in public and I'm really terrible at flirting and social interactions of this kind. He bites down his lower lip, grabbing my waist firmly and kind of pulling my body against his firm chest. If this was any other occasion I would be fazed by his touchy hands and total lack of respect for personal space but guess that's not an usual situation so I decide just to roll with it. I mean, this guy is mesmerizing, I do deserve to have a little fun, don't I? It's not like his firm hold in my waist is something I'm not enjoying. He lowers his head again, now ghosting his nose over mine while his body starts moving, like he is dancing to a slow music and for some reason it seems fitting for the low bass music playing. I move my body in sync, one of his hands letting go of my waist so he can use his index finger to pull my chin up, his eyes locking on mine and suddenly I forget how to breath. He smirks, still moving his body against mine and lean further down, now brushing his soft lips over mine and I feel completely intoxicated by his scent, a hint of vanilla and something woody mixed with the fresh smell of mint from his breath. I feel completely out of my mind under his gaze and the proximity of his face, it's like I'm frozen in place and my brain is out of order. I pass my arms around his neck, getting even closer to him. I can feel his hard chest against my body, his tight grip in my waist making my entire body combust and when he shifts his hips against mine in sync with the loud music playing, it's like my skin is on fire with the proximity and I want to drown myself in him. Still ghosting his lips over mine, he darts his face a little, leaving a trail of the slightest of touches in my skin 'till he reaches my ear. "Is this better, love?"  He asks and only now I notice he has a British accent. Could this guy be any hotter? I just nod and his smirk goes bigger. He teases his lips over mine again but this time I lean forward, crashing my mouth to his and he lets a surprised yelp escape as his lips molds to mine and I feel like my head will explode. This is the first person I kiss ever since Sam and it's so... Foreign. I move my lips in sync with his and the guy I don't even know the name teases his tongue on my lips and I open my mouth slightly, deepening the kiss. Tongues swirling around each other in a frantic, desperate pace as our bodies moves in sync with the music, his hands crashing my body against his, seems like no closeness is enough. I tangle my fingers on his soft curls and a little moan escapes his throat when I pull his roots gently, completely amazed by how hot this is. Never done this before. I mean, not with a stranger anyway. He breaks from the kiss, letting go of my waist in order to take my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine before darting his head to groan in my ear in a low, raspy voice that sends shivers down my spine. "Let's get out of here". I follow him, my head still spinning with the combination of tequila and the sudden outburst of my heart, sponsored by those damn pink lips. This is so foreign to me, even before dating Sam I never was one to go to clubs, kiss strangers and party until the sunrises, I've always had a considerably peaceful and quiet kind of life, leaving all the stress and impulsive behavior to my work environment but guess there's a first time to everything in life, and that's mine. I can't help but notice all the looks this guy is alluring to himself. Seems like every woman and almost every man who passes through us stops to look at him twice. Well, of course, he is very good looking and the reasonable part of my brain can't help but wonder why a guy so damn handsome like him would want to be with me? I know this sound very self derogatory and it's not like I am super insecure about myself, or that I have a very low self esteem, but I'm just being honest here. Guess I'm kinda pretty under the right light or certain angle, and I'm sure as hell I can be attractive to the opposite s*x but I'm in no way the best he could score tonight. This is not being self depreciating, it's just being realistic. We leave the dance floor and the guy leads me to a set of stairs I hadn't realized was here in first place. Dom told me there was a VIP lounge in the second floor of this club, but that it was only to exclusive people like friends of the owner or eventual celebrities who would visit every once in while. Is this guy a celebrity? Oh God. No, he definitely isn't famous, I would know if he was. Unfortunately my job demands me to know everything that is hot or trendy, and this includes celebrities lifestyle. Do you wanna know what was the last scandal in Kardashian family? Or what Drake whispered to Rihanna's ear and the world was crumbling in curiosity to know about? Well, I'm aware of all the conspiracy theories about that. As soon as we reach the second floor, the guy whose name I'm still to discover just nods to a big security guy, who nods back and steps away, cleaning the entrance to a long, dark corridor. Suddenly my heart starts beating faster, what if this guy is a serial killer who is going to make me his next victim? He looks over his shoulder, smirking at me with a glare that's full of promises and oh well, if he is a serial killer at least I would die in pleasure. There's a lot of doors along the corridor and he pushes one on the right, almost shoveling me inside and entering right after me. It's a square room with red lights, some couches in every corner and what seems like a coffee table in the middle. There's some water bottles over it, as well as what I think it is remainders of white powder and a rolled dollar next to it. Please god let this be sugar. Sugar that he mixed to the water to calm down his nerves. The sound from the club is kind of muffled here, so the room is considerably more silent than the outside, and feels like we just entered an exclusive universe, where there's only the two of us. "What is this place?" I stutter, looking to him, who is leaning against the door he just closed, one of his legs hovered up so his right foot is casually supported on the door. "Thought we could use a little... Privacy" He answers and the raspiness of his voice makes my spine shiver, sounding way more powerful here in the silence than back at the dancing floor. "Hmm" I'm only capable to hum in response, still completely baffled by his looks. His presence is kind of overwhelming on this small room, he is tall and large with broad shoulders and the black shirt he is using if only halfway buttoned up, giving more than a peak of his naked torso that seems to be decorated with tattoos. The tight black jeans hugs around his legs with such ease it is like it was designed specially for him and the view alone is breathtaking. But this doesn't even begin to compare with his face. Seriously, this is the most handsome men I've ever seen in my life, he is so overwhelmingly beautiful I find myself in loss of words, the way his sharp jawline makes his face look strong and manly but at the same time he looks kinda boyish with pouty pink lips and delicate features, a thin nose and emerald green eyes that pops even under the dim red light of the room. "Enjoying the view, sweetheart?" He asks, raising his eyebrows and only now I realize I've been staring at him with a hanging chin. Way to go, Billie. Very typical of me to lost myself in my own thoughts, keeping my body in stand by no matter what kind of situation I'm in. Guess spending so much time alone doesn't do good to my already disabled social skills. "I, hm... " I stutter, not knowing what to say. Maybe his question was rhetorical? He takes a step towards me, closing the little space I've been keeping from him. I look up, holding his gaze and watching a smirk turning his lips up. "So, what are you here for?" He asks, towering over me and I feel like my brain has turned into mush. The presence of this guy! I'm not usually that stuttering high school girl around men. Jesus, I may have had a long and boring relationship but I'm usually confident, I mean, I'm almost thirty for f**k sake. And as much as this guy is handsome, it's very obvious that he is younger than me.  "What do you mean?" I manage to ask and thankfully I don't stutter this time. "If I remember quite well, you just said you aren't here for being hit on. So, what are you doing here?" His eyes are smug, it's like he can smell my bullshit. "I'm here to have fun" I shrug "That doesn't usually involve guys." His eyes widen a little and a really, really dirty smile takes over his face. "Does it involve girls? Because I can surely arrange that." He winks and I feel like my heart just skipped a beat. "No! No, not at all, I'm straight unfortunately" I roll me eyes, laughing of my own stupidity "It's just that... Well I just ended a long term relationship and came here to dance and enjoy myself, not think about things or be involved with another person" Oh my God please strike me with a f*****g lightening why the f**k am I talking this much? Somebody please shut me up! "... And you, you look like a f*****g Greek god and smells like trouble, I didn't intend to kiss you but then you came all pretty and was so close and I kind of..." I continue to ramble, my mouth seeming to have disconnected from my brain as it is talking for its own and I really, really feel like dying. "Anyway, I'm sorry I don't know how to flirt so I'll just continue to talk nonsense until you ask me to shut up" My voice fades a little. Swear to God, I've never felt so f*****g pathetic. He smirks at me, sneaking one of his arms around my waist and cupping my jaw with his big hand, towering over me and leaning until his face is only centimeters from mine, his eyes never leaving mine. "Can think of a way or two to shut you up, love" He hoarsely whispers, nuzzling the tip of his nose on mine, so f*****g close I'm sure I'm getting cross-eyed to try and hold his gaze. One of his big hands cups my jaw and he hovers his thumb over my mouth, caressing it with the lightest of touches and I can't help but pant. "But to be honest I'm really liking the way this cute little mouth of yours works". He smirks and leans down, closing the gap between us and crashing his lips against mine. "The thing is" he whispers, between our lips "M'like the way it tastes better." His lips folds to mine and he doesn't loses his time before teasing his tongue over my mouth, to which I happily oblige, deepening the kiss and tangling my fingers on his soft locks. His hands wonders over my body, touching my back, then my waist until he finally grabs my behind, pulling me against him with force and hovering me up. I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist and a loud moan escapes from his throat, which seems to connect straight to the heat between my legs. He takes a step forward and my back stomps on the wall behind me, it's coldness sending shivers through my warm body. Pinning me against the wall, he fists my hair with one of his hands, pulling my head back and breaking from the kiss only to attach his lips to my neck, sucking and nipping my skin as if savoring every little taste of me. I'm holding to his broad shoulders as if my life depends on it, moaning softly at his touch, not even trying to disguise how aroused I'm. This is so freaking hot and that's not even because I'm doing this with a stranger that looks hot as f**k but also because the way he kisses me makes all the world crumble around me. I dare to say I was never kissed like that before, it's like he is not doing it so he can approach his final destination - aka my panties - but he seems to enjoy every little second of the kiss, sucking my soul out of my body and savoring it like it's a delicacy. Holding his jaw up, I pull him closer so he can kiss me again, I just had a taste of it but already became addicted to the way his tongue laps around my own, to the low little moans and hisses he makes while biting down my bottom lip or sucking my tongue with his. Still holding my hair in a tight grip, he wraps his other hand around my neck, holding my head firmly as he attacks my mouth with his, pinning me harder and I can feel the hard bulge inside of his tight jeans pressing against my core, making me whimper unintendedly.  "You're so f*****g hot" He groans inside of my mouth, biting my bottom lip again "Can't get enough of you." His large hand let go of my neck and he palms over my breast, squeezing it roughly and when I moan loudly at the feeling, it's like something snaps inside of him. He pulls me from the wall, my legs still wrapped around his waist as he walks backwards to one of the couches, his lips never leaving mine as he sits, hovering me up him so I'm now on his lap, each of my knees at one side of his legs, my core firmly pressed against his hard erection that, thanks to the tight jeans, I can feel every inch of. He groans, one hand squeezing my waist as the other fists a handful of my hair and pulls the roots roughly, our mouths leaving each other as I flutter my head up, giving him full access to the skin of my neck. His hands travels down my back and he pulls my hips down, shuffling his up, pressing his hard bulge against my core and groaning wildly at the friction. "f**k" He hisses, tearing his lips from my neck and biting my earlobe as I pant, circling my hips over him, the now throbbing heat between my legs begging for some kind of relief. "You're amazing, love" He praises, sucking the air with force as if trying to control himself. I bite down my own lip, looking at him with drunken eyes as I shift my hips harder against him and he sneaks his hands under me t-shirt, the skin to skin contact making me shiver and feel like I'm on fire all at once and I moan loudly, being gifted with a smirk that only makes he look even sexier, if that is even possible. With a simple, swift move he unclasp my bra and something suddenly snaps in my own mind. Am I really about to have s*x with a complete stranger in f*****g club? What the f**k is wrong with me? I don't even know his name. "Wait, wait" I half say, half moan, pulling from his mouth to dart my eyes between his "What's your name?" "What?" He groans in a hoarsely voice "Why does it matter? Can we just be two strangers who have incredible chemistry?" He pulls my neck, crashing his lips over mine again and for a split second I forget my own name. Ok, fine, whatever. I'm going through with it. Just can't resist, this guy is way out of my league and yet here I am practically dry humping him at a club. Wasn't I wanting to do something wild tonight? How's that for wild, Billie? "M'Edward" He suddenly says amongst our kiss. "What?" "My name is Edward" He groans, breaking from the kiss to attach his lips to my neck, biting the skin and hissing "What's yours?" "Billie" I pant in response, my hands traveling over his broad chest. "You are f*****g hot, Billie" He moans in my ear "And I'm going to ruin you tonight".

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