YOU BEFORE ME

Chapter 4

Sandra

He turned his back, and I couldn't bring myself to call him back. Because of that expression on his face...he was smiling, but it wasn't like when he first walked in. It was one of those polite, professional smiles that people showed others when they were hiding bad news.

There isn't anything wrong with me, right? I thought. All I did was faint and not eat properly! And what was the IV drip is for, anyway?

I looked at the bag of solution that was on the other end of the tube attached to my arm.

Dammit! I needed to get home! I told Gloria I wouldn't take too long! If they're doing tests...

I didn't need any references to know it would take a while if they were going to be administering any tests on me. My hands clutched the sheets as I worried. What if something happened to Mom? What if she started wondering where I'd gone to and started panicking? Gloria probably told her I was in the hospital already. I didn't want to make things any harder for her with what she was already going through.

It was only a few minutes before a nurse came by, and it was the same one as before.

"Dr. Wilson said you'll be needing some tests," she said, and she looked serious compared to before, like the doctor. "I need to get a few details from you, and I have some forms here that you'll need to fill out."

"But I need to leave," I said, putting a hand up to make her stop. "I - "

"Sandra," she said, making me stop because I hadn't known she even knew who I was. "You probably don't remember me, but we met in the city at a bar a couple of times. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I know the situation with your mom at home."

I scowled, my hands tightening in the sheets once more as I grumbled, "Those damn rumors."

"I didn't mean to upset you and I only mentioned it, because that's the last thing I want to do. Confirm the rumors."

I felt bad, because she was trying to justify why she brought it up in the first place, but I was irritated about being talked about, even if I should expect nothing less from this place.

"The fastest way out of here is to cooperate so we can get these tests done quickly."

I flattened my mouth, but didn't continue to argue.

They were quick at least. I only had to wait for about twenty minutes, during which I filled in the forms and answered the nurse's questions. There wasn't anything complicated, and they didn't use any strange machines on me. I had to give a few samples, which was a bit embarrassing giving both stool and urine sample. Then afterward, I was led to the cafeteria to get a bite to eat, and even my food was ordered for me and all of a sudden I felt helpless like a child.

Dr. Wilson had followed me all the way there, and sat across just watching me.

"What is this?" I asked, wrinkling my nose as I poked a fork at the food in front of me.

"Everything your body needs right now. It's all good nutrition, it's easy to digest, and it'll make you feel better. You're still feeling a bit weak, right? I noticed when you were moving around that you were careful with your steps."

I pursed my lips, not saying anything, but not denying it either. It was true that when I first tried to get off the bed, I'd felt a bout of dizziness and stumbled a bit. And I was careful with my steps because I didn't want to fall as I did in the store, and end up hurting myself this time. I also knew I had to eat, but...the food in front of me didn't look, or smell, edible at all.

There was some mushy stuff that could have been mashed potatoes or oatmeal, or a mix of both. There was something leafy, and another flatbread-like pastry that looked like it was made of whole wheat. It was food, and beggars couldn't be choosers, but I wasn't sure I could stomach it.

"At least try," the doctor said, waving his hand at me, then folding both arms on the table and leaning forward. "I'm going to guess your carelessness in eating wasn't only for today, so what you need is a good diet, and to start eating right. Three meals a day, full of nutrition. No one can live on only drinking water and eating junk food."

"I had bread this morning," I muttered in my defense because I ate when I could, I didn't have the luxury about worrying what to eat all the time. Which was why everything that did go in my mouth, was quick. Just in case mom did something out of the ordinary, I was always on guard and not allowing her out of my sight for too long or becoming complacent knowing that any minute should have a panic attack once she had one of her confusion spells, which she did from time-to-time.

"There was even peanut butter on it, and that's good, right?"

"Let me guess, was it white bread?"

I arched an eyebrow at him, wondering if he was really a doctor or a dietician. Maybe they were both, either way he'd gone from being the hot doctor to the annoying one.

He nodded as I'd just confirmed it for him with my silence. "You might not want to hear this, but you can't call white bread healthy. That's why I got you some whole wheat. The bread here comes from a local bakery, and the hospital trusts them enough to offer their stuff to patients, so this is the real deal, not whatever you've had before."

"I've had whole wheat before, but it didn't look like this," I said, poking at the bread that felt unnecessarily hard, unlike the fluffy bread I was used to.

"Try a bit of everything. I'll watch you until you finish everything I've set out for you. It's a sufficient portion for adults."

I wrinkled my nose, but ate like a stubborn child. The moment food entered into my mouth, I...didn't want to spit it out, but neither did I want to swallow it down. I chewed slowly, and as he'd wanted, I tried a bit of everything in front of me, then pushed the plates away and leaned back, looking up at Dr. Wilson.

He met my eyes for a moment, then sighed and ducked his head. "Really. You're not helping yourself right now, you know? If I brought you a bag of salted chips or some fries, you would eat, right?"

"Maybe," I said with a shrug. "Not a lot, though. At least, not all at once, anyway."

"The food in front of you may not be so tasty, but force yourself to swallow it down if you have to, and get what you want afterward. If you can't even do that, I can't help you."

"Why don't you just let me go home, then?" I countered. "I'll cook something for myself, and I'll eat."

"We're still waiting for your results, and I can't let you go before they come in. Depending on what the tests say, you might have to wait a bit longer."

"But I have - "

"I'm sure whatever you need to do at home can wait until we're sure you're in good health. You've been ignoring it too long. You're of no use to anyone if you can't even take care of yourself. What would have happened if you'd fainted at home? The place that you're rushing back to get to."

That had me pausing. I couldn't let Mom see that, she would be shocked by it if it happened, and it would worry her. I sighed, wondering who I would call to look after her now. There had been people that helped her while I was still away, and our relatives were around, but I didn't know how long I needed to be in hospital. It wouldn't be easy to tell them to give up their lives and help us, after all the help they already gave us while I was in the city, trying my best to avoid coming back home, until now.

"Eat."

I blinked and looked up at Dr. Wilson. Then, my eyes dropped to the food in front of me, and I sighed as I took a few more bites. I forced my jaw to move as I chewed, then swallowed everything down. Dr. Wilson gave me a bottle of water as well, and I picked it up to drink.

"Is it that hard for you?" he said with a frown. "I mean, a lot of people say food in hospitals isn't all that great, but it isn't that bad, either."

I looked up and met his eyes. "It's probably more me than the food. The truth is... I haven't been feeling all that hungry lately. I moved back here from the city recently, and I noticed my appetite had been going down some time before that. I wasn't feeling too well before I fainted, either, getting tired easily, sleeping a lot... I thought it was normal, but...it isn't, is it?"

The expression he leveled on me wasn't as composed as before. I could tell that he looked worried, and he lowered his eyes, as if afraid to give too much away.

"Eat up," he said, his voice quieter. "Finish, and I'll get you back to your bed, then I'll take a look at your results. I'll have the nurse get you a phone to call home because, at the very least, I don't think you'll be able to go home tonight. I mean, you could if you wanted to, but it's not recommended. I...am a little worried about a few things. The fact that you're not feeling hungry isn't a good thing, Sandra, and you should have had it checked a while ago."

He wasn't the only one worried. I thought I would be home by now. But I had a feeling that it was going to be a lot longer than that and all I could think about was if Mom was going to be okay. Part of me wanted to say something funny, to calm my nerves such as does Dr. Wilson take personal care of all his patients, but I wasn't in the laughing mood and I could tell as I looked at his face, neither was he.