I will carry you home

Chapter 7: The Walkers

Chapter 7

Ana

I promised my sister that I would go to the stupid dinner. I always keep my promises, even if I regret making them in the first place.

I sigh as I walk out of my front door. When I come out I see someone stepping out of the elevator.

It's my own little cotton candy lady. Mrs. Cotton", I say. "Hello, how are you?"

"Hello to you dear", she says. "I'm very good, just beat up a man who thought he could take advantage of me".

I laugh as I close my door.

"Remind me to shake the hand of someone who manages to do that", I say.

She's a very tough eighty-two-year-old.

"I will do that", she says. "Are you dressed up like that for me or are you going somewhere in specific?"

I look down at my close. I have a bright green lace dress that has a tight grip around my body, it ends half down my thighs.

"My parent's house", I mutter and lock the door.

I've talked to Mrs. Cotton about my family and my mother especially, so she knows why my voice sounds a bit bitter at the moment.

"Maybe that has to be done", she says. "Better sooner rather than later".

"I guess so, my sister is forcing me there now", I say, putting my keys in my orange handbag.

"Come to drink coffee with me tomorrow dear, and talk", she says. "You know you're always welcome in my apartment".

She puts a shaky hand onto my mine and squeezes it.

I smile and nod. ”I'd like that, and yeah I know", I say. "I have to go now though, bye Mrs. Cotton".

"Bye my dear", she says and I open the door to the elevator.

I wave at her before I step into the elevator and press the garage button.

I come down to my car. I drive it out of the garage and towards my parent's house. I feel how much I don't want to go.

It doesn't take long for me to drive to my parent's house. It takes half an hour to walk and about ten minutes to drive.

I pull up on the driveway and park my car beside my father's car. I sigh before stepping out.

I lock the car and walk towards the house. I ring the doorbell and wait a couple of seconds before the door slides open. Lily stands there, a white dress covers her body, she also chose lace today. And she has her long hair loose, it's flowing around her.

"I wasn't sure you'd show up", she admits as she lets me into the house.

"Since when do I not keep my promises? Especially the once I make to you?" I ask.

"I guess", she says and hugs me. "I'm really glad you here, we haven't had dinner together, the whole family I mean, since you went off to college".

I guess we haven't, but that's because I'm not on good terms with our mother. I have missed my father, Lily, and Elijah, our five years, and only little brother.

Lily takes my hand and leads me into the kitchen as if she's afraid that I'll turn around and leave now that I've gotten here.

My father is the only one in the kitchen.

"Liana!" My father says as soon as we step into the kitchen. "You came".

I nod. He walks up to me and embraces me in one of his warm hugs. I love his hugs. When I was a little girl, my father's hugs would be the only thing that could make me feel safe.

"Hi daddy", I say in a small voice, hugging him back. I don't think I've realized how much I've missed my father.

"It's been so long since I've heard you call me daddy baby girl", my father says and takes my face between his two rough hands. "Don't you ever take off like this again, never to be seen again”?

I shake my head.

"I won't", I say and he hugs me again.

Lily is lurking in the corner with a satisfied yet sly grin on her face. This was what she was hoping all along.

"Ana Ana Ana Ana!" The source of the shouting crashes into my legs.

"Elijah!" I shout and bend down to pick up my baby brother. I hug him tight.

It's weird. I am the exact copy of our father, Lily, which is the exact copy of our mother, but Elijah is a complete mix out of both mother and father. He has dad's cheekbones, and a strong jaw, even if he has our mother's features. He has dad's silvery-blue eyes and dark hair just like I do. And even if his face looks like our mothers, he has dad's smile.

"I missed you so much Ana", he says and hugs me again.

He used to call me Livana when he was smaller, he couldn't pronounce my name right. I miss that time.

"I've missed you too baby boy, so so so much", I say giving him a big bear hug.

Even if Elijah was kind of an accident, no one has ever thought of him as an accident. Sure, Lily hated the idea of our parents having a baby, because she's always been the baby in the family, and she was only eleven when Elijah was born. But when she saw him the first time she fell completely in love, as did everyone else.

I put him down on the floor and scan the clothes he has on. Elijah is so gorgeous you melt just by looking at him. And his smile can make your day so much better in the matter of a split second. He's wearing a silvery shirt, to match his eyes I assume, a black vest and black pants with gray straps. He has a strapped tie in the colors black, gray, and white. His hair is spiked up with hair jell. He's so cute I can't believe his baby brother. And god he's become big since I last saw him.

"You look very handsome Elijah", I say.

He smiles proudly and twirls around.

"Lily bought it for me", he says.

For a while, I forget why I've been avoiding my family. But that's until the last member of our family enters the kitchen. I can feel how the air becomes tense and sucked out of the kitchen.

I look up at my mother. Her lips are a thin line. Lily stops lurking around in the corner and comes up to join the rest of us. If you didn't know she was standing there, you wouldn't have noticed her at all.

"Liana", my mother says as if I'm not standing here.

I just nod at her. She looks away, she doesn't want to keep eye contact with me.

"This can't go on", Lily whines. "Mom says you're sorry and Ana accepts the apology so we all can go on with our lives". No one says anything. But Lily starts talking again. "Oh Liana, I'm so sorry for what I said, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I've been so sad and moping around in my room missing you..." And she goes on. "Oh mother of course I forgive you, I know you didn't mean those words you said to me, I've missed your hugs so much".

Normally I would've laughed. But this is not something to laugh about. Our father however seems to have a hard time keeping his laughter away.

I just look down at Lily with tired eyes. I don't think she gets why I'm so angry.

"Lilian, that's enough", our mother says.

"But Lilian is right", dad says, he now has Elijah in his arms. "This has to stop, we haven't seen Liana in so long, and soon there will be guests in this house, you can't go on like this". I'm about to protest. Does no one get why I'm so angry? But my father interrupts me before I even get a word out of me. ”You've got rights to be angry Liana, we all know that, but this has been going on since you started college".

He's right. I haven't been home for six years. I've been meeting Lily, dad, and Elijah several times since then yes. But this past year I haven't been able to meet either dad or Elijah because I've had so much to do. And yes I do blame my mother, she pushed me to leave this family. My family is pretty wealthy. My mother is a doctor, a specialist, one of the very best, and my father some grand lawyer. And let's just say that my mother did not approve of my choice of career.

The last time I spoke to my mother was after a fight I had with her right before starting college.

It ended with me throwing the stool I was sitting on across the whole kitchen. She said that she did not approve of me being a teacher, that she and my father had big hopes for my future, that she wanted me to become a doctor or a lawyer like a dad. She said that she did not want to hear anything about me being a teacher, that it wasn't worthy of me, and that I would put shame over the family.

"It's nothing shameful of being a teacher! Everyone who goes to school needs teachers! And I want to help children on their way into their future, help them make the right decisions! But if you think it's so shameful you're the stupidest person I've met in my life and you'll never see me again! You hear me?!" I yelled in her face standing up and throwing a stool across the kitchen before storming out of the house.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was only eighteen but I knew right from the start what I wanted with my life. I want to guide high school students through high school and help them make the right choices because that's one of the most important things there is. And I know how hard high school can be with all confusion about growing up and all hormones and the stress to fit in. I want to help with that. I'm not sure if my mother meant that it's shameful to be a teacher, I think she was just angry that I didn't want to become a doctor or lawyer. But still, the fact that she said what she said, made me lose all the respect I had for her.

I feel the memory of when we last saw each other build up like a barrier between the two of us. I sigh and shake my head. I turn to my father and Lily.

"This was a stupid idea, I think it's best if I leave", I say. It doesn't feel like my mother is going to apologize at all.

"No don't leave", Elijah whines and I can see that his big silvery eyes start to fill with tears. He’s only seven so he doesn't understand all of this.

"No Liana, stay", dad begs.

Lily just looks from my mother to me. Not believing what she sees.

As I'm about to walk out of the kitchen Lily stops me.

"Mom! What's wrong with you? First, you drive Ana out of this family by saying that she put shame to this family by becoming a teacher, and then, when Ana is willing or forced, whatever, what matters is that she came, to makeup and you just stand there, not even apologizing", she shouts. Lily has never shouted at our mother. I've had my disagreements with our mother before the fight over my choice of career, but never Lily. Not that I know of anyways. And to see her shout at our mother now, makes me realize how much she's grown to stand up for herself. "Mom you shattered this family into pieces, the least you can do is try to put the pieces together again".

"Enough Lily", I say. "It's okay".

"No it's not okay", she says. "You've always said that you wanted to become a teacher so you could make a difference, and you do! I don't know if you've noticed but I've noticed it. I've been in high school with the same people for three years, going on the fourth, you've changed so many of them. A girl in my grade was so depressed, she cut and everything, but after a few classes with you and your encouragement she's happy now, I've seen changes in Owen too! I didn't want to admit it at first but you knocked some sense into me, he is changing, he is, even if he's still a jerk he is less of a jerk and he becomes less and less every week! I now understand what you meant by wanting to make a difference, I didn't at first but I do now, it takes a really good teacher to change hopeless students, and you form yourself in school, that's what makes you who you are and what kind of citizen you'll be when you're an adult later on in life! And you're so amazing Ana, so goddamned amazing at what you do, and if our mother can't realize that she's not even worthy of having you as her daughter!"

The only thing I can do when Lily is done talking is staring at her with my eyebrows raised my mouth slightly opened. I'm starting at her with amazement. Did this little girl, the little girl with pigtails, ribbons, and cute colorful dresses, did she just say all of these things?

It's silent for a long while. Lily's eyes are wide open, almost popping out of her skull, panting as if she's just been running. But she shouted all of this almost without breathing.

Dad is the one breaking the silence.

"Your mother knows all of this Lilian", he says, and both of our turn to look at our father. Lily slips her hand into my, laces her fingers with mine, making sure I won't go anywhere. ”I've been talking a lot to my old friend Gery Wild", dad continues. The principal? I didn't know they knew each other. "We were friends when we were small boys, then he moved away from Atlanta when we were teenagers, he moved back here as an adult and we started talking up contact again, he informed me of the fact that Liana applied for a job at his school and that he had accepted it, I asked him to report to me of how it all went and he's told me a lot about the difference she's made at the school, how students are fighting to end up in your class next year, he's told how proud we should be to have a daughter like Liana". I just look at my father. He asked the principal to keep an eye on me like I was a little child or something. I'm not angry though. I guess I understand. "And we are proud, very very proud".

"I was wrong", says a small voice.

Everyone's eyes turn to our mother. She has tears streaming down her face. I still don't say anything. I don't know what to say. This is all so much.

"What was that?" Lily asks rudely, and I squeeze her hand to make her shut up.

"I was wrong about Liana’s choice of career", our mother says. "I wanted only good things for her, for both... Three of you, only the best could be enough for my girls, and now boy as well, I didn't want Liana to be a teacher because I thought that it wasn't the best for her but I now realize that I was very wrong, it's clear now that being a teacher is in Liana’s blood and that's not something that's ever going to change. I am proud of you Liana, I am, even if I've never told you, but I am. And I am very sorry, I truly am Liana, and I understand if you can't forgive me right away but I'd love it if we could try to start over".

If I'd been a teenager I would've just screamed in her face, telling her that I'm not ever going to forgive her. I would behave like a hurt child. But I'm an adult now, I'm nearly twenty-two. My mother's apology does seem sincere though. And maybe that's why I say what I say.

"It's going to take time", I finally say. "But I'm willing to try I guess".

Mom pulls me into a hug so fast and hard that Lily yanks to the side and crashes into our sides. Our fingers are still laced together.

"Oww", she mumbles and I hear my father chuckle. My mom lets me go and the doorbell rings through the house. “Talk about timing", Lily mumbles before unlacing our fingers to walk and open the door.