Kissing the Moon (Papiliones Series #2)

Prologue

PROLOGUE

The moon shone so brightly tonight as darkness embraced its being. It stood out among the stars that shine as well, lighting up the darkest hours. I can’t help but be fascinated with the celestial body. Though, sometimes I wonder if it ever felt lonely and tired at times?

I know it’s clearly admired by people, though I can’t help but think if the moon really like the place where it was, or its just stays because it needed to, because the Earth needed its light at night.

I hugged myself as the night cold breeze blew. I’m here at the hotel’s garden, where it has the perfect view of the moon and sky. The sound of night insects, rustling leaves, the cold breeze and the beautiful view up above was all perfectly soothing and calming enough for my chaotic mind.

A tear escaped my eyes, remembering what I have to do tomorrow. Iniisip ko pa lang parang winawasak na ang puso ko. 

“Why are you still up? You should be staying now at your room, and not here outside,” Atreus’ deep voice surfaced which cut me off from staring at the night sky.

Mabilis ang pagpalis ko ng luha nang marinig ang boses nito.

Nang lingunin ko ay kunot ang noo nitong nakatanaw sa akin habang nakasampay sa braso ang isang jacket.

He walked near me and made me wear his jacket before taking a seat beside me. Awtomatiko ang pagngiti ko nang atakihin ng pamilyar na amoy ng pabango nito ang ilong ko pagkasuot ng jacket.

I’m really obsessed with his scent; it’s always as manly and soothing as he is. I’ll miss this.

“You didn’t answer my question. Why are you still up?” he asked as his brow shot up waiting for my answer.

‘I couldn’t sleep my mind wouldn’t let me. My heart’s been in pain the past days, and it gets worse day by day, and now it’s aching more than it was yesterday.’

This is what I wanted to tell but in the end I still chose to keep it myself and wore my most pretentious smile.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just having a cold feet—“

Bago ko pa matapos ang sinasabi muling humampas ang hangin. Mas lumawak naman ang ngiti ko nang agad maramdaman ang mga daliri nito na sumikop sa buhok kong tumabon sa mukha saka iniipit sa likod ng tenga.

Mariin kong nakagat ang ibabang labi kasabay ng matinding kirot ng puso ko sa matinding pagwawala nito. Damn it! How could I not fall deeper to this guy?

“You should be sleeping, tomorrow is your special day...”

I didn’t say anything and just smiled contradicting my heart that’s crushing.

“It’s fine. Can we just stay here for...” forever? I wanted to add but then it would be weird.

“Just for a while...” I added instead just so I wouldn’t spoil the mood.

“You sure?”

Tumango ako. Of course, I am sure. If only you knew how I wanted us to stay like this forever.

“Baka magmukha kang panda bukas...” he then chuckled, making my heart ache more.

I chuckled weakly. If it’s a different circumstance, his joke would’ve led to more teasing and I will surely end up, being annoyed.

Umirap ako para itago ang lungkot na nararamdaman. I’ll miss this as well, our silly conversations, his chuckles and everything about him. My eyes heated for the tears I’m holding back.

I let out a light laugh and drifted my attention to the sky again to distract myself, from negative thoughts I’m feeling for I don’t want him to feel that there’s something wrong. If only he knew, how I badly don’t want tomorrow to come.

I just want to stay up all night and if only I could I’d want to pause the time and just stay here sitting beside him as we watch the mesmerizing view of the night. I don’t feel like facing tomorrow, I couldn’t.

Ngayon pa nga lang parang sasabog na ang dibdib ko sa sakit.

“Ang ganda...”

“I know right!” pagsang-ayon ko sabay lingon ko sa katabi na ikinaawang ng bibig ko.

Ngumisi ito saka nagtaas pa ng kilay nang makita ang reaksyon ko.

“Ang ganda mo...” he repeated and chuckled, looking so amused. “I’ll never understand why you are still giving me the same surprised look like the first time I told you that you’re beautiful...”

“Well, that’s because you always caught me off guard. You say it like... always so sudden and in an unexpected moments,” sagot ko nang makabawi sabay irap ko para itago ang kilig na may kirot.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over this guy. He didn’t just make me feel loved; he also never failed to make me love myself more, make me believe that I could be someone who’s priceless and worthy.

We were enveloped with a familiar silence. It wasn’t awkward rather it was soothing, like a home. I grab the opportunity to stare at him and memorize every part of his face while he’s lost, staring at the sky above.

Muling binalot ng lamig ang puso ko. This is my only chance to stare at him like this, to memorize every inch of his face because tomorrow I don’t know if I’ll ever even have the chance to look at him. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of this face.

Gusto ko pa itong pakatitigan ng matagal ngunit ilang oras pa ang lumipas ay pinilit ko na ang sariling iiwas ang tingin dahil baka magtaka na ito.

I heaved a sigh and rested my head on his shoulder. I felt him intertwined our hands, making me smile while my heart continue to bleed, thinking that this hand would slip away from my hold soon.

The wind blows again, so I closed my eyes savoring this moment with him.

“Antok ka na,” dinig kong turan nito ngunit nanatili akong nakapikit. “We should go inside the hotel now. Malalim na ang gabi...”

I stayed still for minutes not wanting to do what he said.

“Five minutes pa, please...” turan ko.

Narinig ko ang pagbuntonghininga nito at pinagbigyan ako sa gusto dahil hindi naman ito gumalaw sa puwesto at hinayaan ako.

Minutes passed the desire of wanting to runaway with him were getting strong, but then it would be so selfish of me.

“Let’s go now, lumalamig na...”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko dahil parang ang bilis naman ng limang minuto at tila limang segundo palang ang nakalipas para sa akin. Malamig na nga, sobra ngunit mas gugustuhin ko pang manigas dito para lang manatili pa ng ilang saglit.

Ayoko pang umalis ngunit taliwas sa bulong ng isip, tumayo ako saka umangkla sa braso nito at sabay naming tinungo ang papasok ng hotel.

“Go inside now,” si Atreus sabay muwestra sa hotel room ko.

Ngumiti ako at tumango na hindi pa rin binibitawan ang mga kamay niya. Nagtaas ito nang kilay tila ba kinukwestiyon kung bakit hindi pa ako gumagalaw para pumasok sa kwarto.

“I’ll see you go in, first then I’ll go with mine.”

I nodded again, still not letting go of him.

Bumalatay naman ang bahagyang pagtatakha sa mukha nito.

“Good night. I love you...” he muttered as if guessing it’s what I’m waiting for.

My lips parted a bit. My heart felt heavier. And, for the first time it took me a while to say it back.

“I... love you, too...” I said breathily and smiled for the nth time masking out the pain I’m feeling.

He then took a step forward and planted a kiss on my forehead. I bit my lower lip, feeling his kiss. Seconds passed, I smiled and hugged him for I don’t know how long before I decided to finally go inside.

The moment, I shut the door closed my tears grabbed the opportunity and hurriedly escaped, letting out all the heaviness of my heart that I’ve been holding back earlier.

That night, the moment my eyes close to sleep, I suddenly wished it would be close a bit more longer so I wouldn’t have to open it just to be greeted by tomorrow, I never wished to see at all.

“Now, open your eyes, Ma’am...”

Dahan-dahan kong minulat ang mga mata at hindi nakalampas sa akin ang repleksyon sa salamin ng professional make-up artist na masayang pumalakpak, proud of her handiwork. Nang makuntento na sa trabaho nito, nagpaalam na ang make up artist saka tahimik na umalis.

She successfully covered my extremely swollen eyes, a result of my crying all night. My make up’s well crafted; no one would even think I’ve cried all night. I look fine, a perfect mask to hide all the pain, bitterness and fear that I’m feeling.

I look so dreamy with my asymmetrical baby blue off-shoulder gown with such intricate flower designs. My hair was styled in beautiful curled waves. Hindi halatang labag lahat ng ito sa kagustuhan ko. I chuckled without humor for I don’t look like someone who’s in so much pain.

Naputol ang pagtitig ko sa sariling repleksyon sa salamin para pagbuksan ng pinto ang kumatok.

“D-dad?” bulalas ko dahil sa hindi iniisahan ito.

He’s already on his suit and was clearly ready for the event.

He never checked on me the past days, not even once, ngayon lang. Kaya naman ganoon na lang ang reaksyon ko. A hope arose within me, again. Was he here to tell me it’s called off?

He examined me from head to foot and cleared his throat after.

“I just checked if you’re all ready. I guess, I’ll just wait on the venue,” he took a few step backward as if he’s about to leave when he halted and turned to me.

With just that my hope crumbled to dust again.

“Maraming bisita sa baba, mostly are from prominent families, make sure to be at your best composure,” turan nito at walang imik nang umalis.

I scoffed as my eyes heat up a bit from the tears threatening to fall. Wala talaga itong pakielam sa akin. Hanggang sa huli reputasyon at negosyo pa rin pala ang inaalala nito.

Ano pa bang inaasahan ko? He never treats me like a daughter and all this year I’m just an instrument, an investment. This f*****g debut, he’s just throwing it all for the sake of meeting potential investors and business partners!

Nakuyom ko ang mga kamao at halos sabunutan na ang sarili sa sobrang frustrasyon at hindi alam kung saan at paano lahat ilalabas. Kung p’wede lang ay naglupasay na ako rito ngayon. I thought I’d bled and ripped my palms from balling up my fist so bad.

“Let’s all welcome the star of the night, our debutant, Ms. Czeilish Eos Herencia,” the master of ceremony announced, vigorously.

As if on cue, loud cheers and applauses from the crowd enveloped the event hall. But, I couldn’t move. I can’t even make my feet take a step. Gusto ko na lang umurong, dahil sa oras na bumaba ako ay oras na lang ang bibilangin ko. It would be a countdown to a nightmare.

I swallowed hard and looked at Atreus who was also staring at me like he was figuring something out. My mind was a mess but I couldn’t be more lost staring at his face.

Seconds passed, he nodded and gave me a slight smile as if he’s encouraging me to go.

I took a deep breath then I started slowly descending on the grand staircase decorated specially for the event, proceeding with such a dramatic entrance like how it would usually be on fairytales— only that I am not in a fairy tale and this party wouldn’t end happily with the prince and princess in each other’s arms.

I could clearly see the crowd smiling, cheering and applauding, but I couldn’t hear any of them other than the deafening booming of my heart in so much anxiousness and heaviness.

My grip tightened on Atreus’ arm upon remembering that soon I wouldn’t be able to hold him like this. My chest tightened at the thought, making me want to retreat from my plan.

I gulped as bullet of cold sweats form on my temple, as I get overwhelmed with so much mixed emotions. The urge to run away rushed through me again, but then that move would be so selfish....

I mentally shook my head to got a grip. But before I knew it I just found myself letting go of Atreus arm, running away from everyone...

I run obliviously, and as far as I could. Hinihingal akong huminto nang maramdaman ang p*******t ng mga binti ko. Nang luminga ako, noon ko lang natantong nasa gazebo ako ng Galeano park.

I chuckled faintly. Even my body unconsciously knows where to bring me.

I lifted my eyes above and the night sky was such a welcoming sight with the moon appearing right before me captivating my heart and soul.

This gazebo was always a perfect spot to watch the night sky; it always felt like staring at a beautiful art crafted by God; an art that’s alive and felt.

And, I always thought that the night sky were consist of stars and moon to be of companion and a friend to people at their darkest hours. And, for years the moon never failed to keep me company until this very moment.

“Czeilish...” natigilan ako nang marinig ang boses na iyon sa likuran ko.

I knew it; he knew where to find me.

At hindi nga ako nagkamali nang malingunan si Atreus, ngunit napasinghap ako nang masalubong ang malamlam nitong mga mata at parang tinutusok naman ng karayom ang puso ko.

I dropped my eyes on my hands, fidgeting. I shouldn’t let this any further. Hindi ko na dapat patagalin pa. I think this is my only chance to do this because if I wouldn’t do it now, I’m sure I’ll just put more damage to us and to the ones that I love.

Mariin akong napapikit nang marinig ang mga hakbang nito palapit sa akin, bawat hakbang mas tumitindi ang paninikip ng dibdib ko.

“Let’s end this, now...” turan ko nang hindi pa rin tinitignan ito. “I’m breaking up with you...”

Unti-unti akong nag-angat ng tingin nang hindi ito umimik at agad na pinagsisihan iyon dahil parang gusto ko nang bawiin agad ang sinabi nang makita ang pagkinang ng mga mata nito sa luha.

He wasn’t saying anything but the pain in his eyes was too much to bear so I averted my eyes on a different direction.

“Is it what you really want?”

Tila palasong tumagos sa puso ko ang tanong niyang iyon. Is this what I really want? Of, course not! I wanted to tell him that but in the end; I bit my tongue before answering him with another lie.

“Uh-huhm. I wanted to end this already,” sagot ko sa pilit na pinatatag na boses.

No, I don’t want to end this! I just want to be with you, as long as I’m breathing, Atreus but I guess that will just stay as a wish.

“Daddy would disown me if I continue this relationship and I couldn’t bare that. I can’t live a poor life!”

That’s another lie. Of course, it doesn’t matter! I could live a life without wealth as long as I’m with him.

Muli naman kaming binalot ng katahimikan, ang naririnig ko lang ay mabibigat niyang paghinga.

“I actually felt it last night with the way you were the past days specially yesterday... I knew it would be the last.”

Napabaling ako rito nang marinig ang sinabi. He felt it and yet he didn’t say anything. So, he’s keeping all to himself, and until earlier he was so good at it.

“But, still I hoped I was wrong...” halos bulong na iyon.

Bawat salita parang kutsilyo iyong tumutusok sa puso ko. It left me speechless, I couldn’t find any words to say.

“Right. I’m sorry if you felt that I’d let you live that poor life,” he said coldly, dripping with bitterness.

Kagat-kagat ko ang nanginginig na labi habang dinadama bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig nito. This way, I wouldn’t forget how cruel I am to hurt him.

He’s in so much pain I could sense it tripled the pain he’s feeling. My heart kept pounding in so much pain.

Pakiramdam ko ay mawawalan ako ng hininga sa sobrang tindi ng sakit at pait na nararamdaman dahil sa ginagawa ko sa lalaking sobra kong mahal.

“So, stupid of me to consider having someone out of my league in my life...” he chuckled but without humor in it.

With that my heart complete shuttered, slowly turning into dust. I smiled weakly, embracing all the pain.

“T-tama na,” nahihirapang na turan ko.

I know ang kapal ng mukha kong hilingin iyon dahil ako ang nanakit and yet he still did me a favor. Hindi na nga ito nagsalita pang muli.

With that I just heard his footsteps fade as he walks away from me. And, when I lifted my gaze it was already his back that I could see as I watched him slowly walk away.

“Turn around, one last time, please...” I whispered like a wind.

My heart leaped in hope when he halted for a moment but it immediately faded when he continued walking again.

Tears started pooling as memory of us rushed trough me. In this exact place, here in gazebo with the moon and night sky as our witness, this is where it all started and now this place, the sky and moon above witnessed, how it ended too.

My hand flew on my chest as my heart hammered in pain against my chest.

So, this is how the moon felt like when she loses her lover?

I think I know now the answer to my question. And, that is the moon may ache for the sun and doesn’t like where it was but it stayed in the darkness because it needed to.