The King's Return

11. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES

AMIRA'S POV

I messed up, I messed up everything and I know there is no going back. Right from the beginning, I didn't give Logan a reason to trust me and now I fear he will never trust me.

I wish there was something I could do, maybe talk to him and apologise but he has been avoiding me since that incident that took place in the library.

I have to explain to him that what he saw is not he thinks and that I have no feelings for Sebastían, just him.

Admitting it makes it feel more real and I hope he understands me. I'm done fighting him, I want to be with him and him alone.

I know there would be obstacles along the way but I'm willing to face them with him by my side. I just hope that he feels the same.

He didn't say if he loves me or not, just that I'm his mate and I know that being mates doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be in love.

Loving your mate is a choice and I've made a choice of loving him. I want to tell him that but I don't even know where to find him, I don't even know his room.

I don't even know if I'm allowed to enter his bedroom, he's the king after all and although he is a carefree person, it doesn't change anything.

I don't want to end up embarrassing him or myself.

"Lady Amira." Huh? When did I become 'Lady Amira'? I looked at the girl who was still standing in front of me.

"Who are you?" I found myself asking.

"I'm Brittany, my lady."

"How may I help you, Brittany? Did someone send you here?"

"Yes, my lady. I'm your new servant." I don't need a servant!

"My new servant? Who hired you?"

"Princess Samantha. I was Prince Alex's servant but the young prince doesn't need me anymore. Jake asked me to look for another thing to do, so I chose to be your servant."

Why would Alex ask his servant to leave? He's still a boy and he needs a servant around him all the time. Being without a mother can be quite overwhelming.

"There won't be a reason for you to serve me Brittany, I'll talk to the king and ask him to let you continue with your duties, I don't need a servant."

"Jake is the one taking care of the prince now, Prince Alex is very fond of him."

I guess I shouldn't disappoint her, she could've chosen anyone in the palace and yet she chose me.

"I don't really need a servant but you're welcome, I guess it won't be bad to have one."

"Thank you my lady."

"Call me Amira, or just Mira."

"Thank you... Amira."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Am I allowed to enter the king's bedroom?" Brittany smiled at me before responding.

"You're the future queen of this kingdom, the king's chambers will always be open to you."

"Really?"

"Of course, no one would even dare to question you about it, not even the king's father."

Well, that means I can go to his room and apologise. Since he doesn't want to see me, I will personally come to him.

"Don't laugh at me but where can I find his room?"

"The king resides on the top floor, there are only two master bedrooms there, one on the left and one on the right-hand side. The left one belongs to the queen, which is you and the one on the right is his. You won't get lost."

Separate bedrooms, interesting. I don't understand it though, why would I need my own bedroom if I'm married to him?

I wonder who built this castle. It still looks new but I know it has been here for hundreds of years.

"So I just have to go to his chambers and I will find him there?"

"Whose chambers?" I didn't need to look in the direction of the voice to know who was there.

His voice is not like any other, it is different, charming, magnetic even. My wolf becomes restless in his presence.

"Your Majesty." Brittany acknowledged him with a bow.

"Would you be a darling and give us space Brittany?"

"Of course Your Majesty." She bowed again and left.

It was only the two of us left on the balcony and I didn't even know how to react, or what to say. I just stood there and waited for him to say something, anything.

"Were you asking for the directions to my chambers Amor? You could've asked me. You do know it is embarrassing for a queen to not know his king's chambers?"

Now that he is the one asking me that, it seems even more embarrassing that it really is.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising? It's my fault I never showed you your chambers when you got here. I don't know if Brittany told you, but you have a room upstairs and whenever you decide to move in, you just have to say the word."

"I'm not apologising for that, but what happened earlier. I wanted to explain things to you but you left."

"You don't have to apologise for that. Sebastían is your friend, I may not like him around you but you've known each other for years and I'm not going to ask you to break your friendship with him."

Huh? I didn't expect that!

"That's not what I'm apologising for. What you saw..."

"What I saw was nothing. He was holding your hand but I'm not a fool to think that there was something more to it.

"I'm not going to lie to you and say that I liked seeing his hands in yours because I don't but I'm not going to blame you for anything.

"I trust you, Amor, there's nothing in this world that would make me doubt you."

"You trust me?"

"Completely."

"But I never gave you any reason to."

"I know that but that doesn't mean I don't. I know you wanted to leave this place from day one but you're not a bad person and I know you had your reasons.

"You've witnessed your father abuse your mother, his mate and that made you decide against mating. You have every reason to be afraid of commitments.

"You don't know me and you don't even know how I'll treat you when you become my wife and queen, I won't blame you if you decide to run away from it all."

"I'm not running away from anything, I'm tired of running. I've been running all my life, I just never realised it.

"As a child, I would spend most of my time at Maya's and come back in the evenings because I didn't want to see my father abusing my mother.

"At times I would even spend my nights there until he came looking for me. When I grew up, I thought I would get used to it but I never did, it became worse.

"He would torture me all day long and my only escape was school. I was grateful that he never abused me physically like my mother.

"I even asked her to take us somewhere safe, someplace where my father would never be able to find us but she refused.

"She kept telling me that she took vows when she married my dad and that she was never going to break them.

"I was so frustrated that I took the decision to run away from that place, I told myself that I would leave once I finish school but I was wrong.

"Our Alpha started making passes at me, he would ask me to have s*x with him and if I-" I didn't get the chance to finish that sentence as a strong urge to shift hit me, something I've never felt before.

I looked at Logan and his eyes were glowing, red in colour and they eventually turned pitch black.

I don't know why but I felt that if I somehow touch him it may calm his nerves. I shouldn't have said that. What was I thinking?

I shouldn't have said anything about another man wanting to be between my thighs in front of my mate. Of course, he would lose control.

I just hugged him and buried my head in his chest and slowly, he relaxed.

"I shouldn't have said that."

"Please tell me what you just said is not true."

I wanted to lie to him and say I was just joking but I knew better than to lie to him.

"I never told anyone, not even Maya because I didn't want to put anyone in trouble. I thought that eventually, I would forget it ever happened.'

"He didn't touch me though, I told him that I would rather die than sleep with him so he just punished me by raping other girls in the pack. He knew I would feel guilty if that happened.

"I had no choice but to leave in order to save myself and them from any more harm. I figured that if I left he would stop molesting them in the name of punishing me for refusing him.

"I had to finish school on the run and dragged Maya along with me. That girl has been there for me since day one and I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay her.

"I was scared that if I become too attached to you then I would end up getting hurt. I made a mistake and I'm sorry." I didn't want to lift my head from his chest, I wanted to stay there all my life if that was possible.

"We all make mistakes Amor, it's just that some of us have a really embarrassing list. I told you that I don't blame you for what you did, you were just looking out for yourself."

We stayed like that for I don't know how long, his arms are really soft and comforting. I can't believe I was going to walk away from all this.

"I thought you were avoiding me when I didn't see you." I found myself asking, the silence was comfortable but I wanted to hear his voice.

"I wanted to calm myself, I'm unpredictable when I'm angry and provoked. Your friend provoked me today when he decided to touch you, if I stayed in the library a minute longer then I don't know if he would be still alive at this moment."

I know he is not playing, I saw how angry he was when he saw me with Sebastían.

"There is nothing going on between me and him, he's just my friend."

"Who wants to be more than that, don't look at me like that, I saw the way he was looking at you. He was looking at you the same way he did when I first saw him."

I wanted to tell him he was just being paranoid but I knew he was telling the truth, so I just put my head back in his chest. I know Sebastían wants to be more than my friend but it's too late now. 

"My heart belongs to someone else, he will never have it." I felt him freeze when he heard that. "There was a time when I would've given it to him but that time is long gone now.

"The only man I want to give everything to right now is you, I love you Logan Morningstar and I want to stay here with you, forever.

"I know I wanted to leave but I'm not anymore. I told you that I'm tired of running and I meant what I said. My feelings for you are one of the things I don't want to run away from.

"Maybe it is too early to drop the 'L' word but I can't help myself, I've fallen in love with you, deeply." He was quiet the entire time, I couldn't even try to understand what was going on inside his mind because I didn't look at him.

"Amor... I wasn't expecting that." I knew I was being too forward by exposing my feelings for him right now. How can I be so foolish?

"I was thinking that I would have to spend all my life trying to win your love. I didn't even have any idea where to start but I knew I would have to do something.

"You have no idea how happy you've made me today. I love you Amira and I'm glad you also feel the same. I can now sleep in peace since I now know you will not try to escape while I'm sleeping."

I wish we can just stay like this but my stomach decided that it was time to eat.

"Come with me, I already made plans for dinner."