An Unexpected Alpha Supreme

3 - Drown

Juliette

“Oki doki, Juliette.” Raising to my feet and putting all the books and journals away in their rightful places, I try a pep talk aimed at myself. An idea, a crazy one actually, sparks in my crumbling mind.

What if this time, since the day is not progressing like I expected it would… what if this time I hold off on taking that pivotal decision of ending my life?

With newfound hope, I exit the creepy house and head back towards home, feeling a little smug about going off script in such a big way. In planning to go home, I knew I had to walk through the centre of our pack’s territory, and right past the pack house. What I did not know was that a full on riot had started in front of said packhouse, with a lot of people accusing Jack of siding with me over the safety of the pack, throwing it out there that maybe he is unfit to be the future Alpha. Like any of them could ever be considered for the role.

Unnoticed by everyone, I stick to the shadows and take in the mess I had involuntarily created. A sobbing Lena was explaining, much like a broken record set on repeat, the story of how Jackson lost control and savagely attacked her, all at my command. I guess she gets her 15 minutes of fame, or whatever this charade is.

Wait a second. Attacked? At whose command? Is she joking?

Anger like I never felt before sweeps through me. I may not be a wolf, but damn if picking up a rock at throwing it her stupid face doesn’t sound really appealing right now. But unfortunately, that would only create more trouble for my family and help Lena's case by proving her accusations right, so I have to remain quiet and not take any rash decisions.

Despite my parents being present and also most of the respected people who knew I couldn’t command s**t, the masses were still furious and refused to believe anything else other than branding me a menace, a danger to them all. Wow, burn me at a stake, will you? And they would, except for the fact that they all still think that if I die, the whole werewolf race dies along with me.

I notice that Jack is notably missing, which can only mean he lost it once more when he heard the way Lena is spinning the story. Most likely, my dad sent him away before he could make good on his promise to kill her. For now, that is. If anything, my brother is guilty of being unable to let go of a grudge. Hey, don't judge even the best of people have flaws.

It may have been the chanting mantra that everyone seems to be screaming, about me being a curse to this pack and to the whole werewolf kingdom, but that thought that everything would be so much easier if I wasn’t around, is starting to spread yet again through my clouded mind.

Like the pathetic little human that I am, I make myself invisible from the commotion that my parents were struggling to contain, and make a run for it through the woods. I’m well aware this is the worst idea I could have, since I can easily get lost, but I also know that by going this way, no one would be there to stop me from reaching the border and heading through human territory..Where I belong more than I do here. I'm also confident that I have memorized the way.

The moon is high in the sky and helps illuminate the otherwise dark scenery. Leaves are crunching and twigs are breaking with each step that I take, bringing me closer to dying of a scare induced heart attack even before reaching my destination. It’s getting quite late, and considering my parents haven’t sent out a search party for me yet, I know that things must still be really bad in the pack.

Not as soon as I would have liked, I finally reach my destination. I’m cold, tired, scared and downright furious, but otherwise I am ready to be done with all this s**t. My life has been nothing that I would have imagined it being when I was 5 and my parents first explained to me that I was special. I bet they aren't using the word special any more.

Now, just hours from officially turning 18, my feet are dangling from the top of the high bridge, my eyes trained at the foaming of the water rapids below, while in my head I contemplate jumping. Alright, I'm not really contemplating it, but more like trying to gather my courage and finally do it, take the jump and make the lights go out. It’s really harder than one might think, it takes a lot of courage, and courage is a thing I apparently lack.

Over the past couple of years I have started to become convinced that me being gone would solve a lot of issues. What I have learned in the ever repeating today, means that I can actually do it, I can end it all and there won't be any other consequences except for me ending up six feet under. That is, if they can ever find my body, the river is not particularly calm today, not that it was all those previous times I tried this. I'm sure a lot more people would be happy with me gone than those that will miss me. And strangely, I'm OK with that.

I chuckle without any humour at how clinical I am in approaching my suicide attempt, hoping that I can finally draw the courage to do it, and both hoping that it will and will not work. The wind is biting into my face, now raw from all the crying I have done over the past few hours.

Goddess, I am the biggest failure that one could possibly imagine. My family is great, my parents being the Alpha and Luna of one of the most powerful wolf packs in the world, the Crescent Moon pack in England. Alright fine, it's actually the most powerful one since my dad is a true Alpha, with pure blood from both his parents, and my mother is the moonstone keeper, a human blessed by the moon Goddess herself, with the power of having control over all werewolves. 

Yeah, my lineage is crazy, rivaled only by the pure blood Alpha genes that run in the Royal family. I snort, thinking about the little pact my family made with the royals. I'm betting there's a prince that will be breathing relieved to hear that he is free to marry whomever he choses.

My older brother is the typical boy next door that all she wolves swoon over. He has the perfect good looks and is built like a freaking mountain. Like I said, my family is perfect and they are good leaders that others respect.

And then there is me, the biggest disappointment, the flop of all flops, the so called Alpha Supreme, the girl that can't even shift. 

Sure, my mother is human, but what kind of a sick joke did the Moon Goddess play on me by making me the Alpha Supreme and leaving me human? Huh?

“How does that even work?” Deeply frustrated, I find myself yelling out the question off the top of my lungs, something I didn’t do before this version of today. But screw it, today I am extra mad at the Almighty Goddess. I mean, come on, I don't have a wolf spirit, hence I can never be Alpha, can I?

"f*****g Alpha Supreme. A damn curse!"

Why couldn't she have made my brother the Alpha Supreme? He is freakishly strong and shifted very early. His wolf is huge and frankly, he deserves the title way more than me. He nearly killed another she wolf and it's only because of me. I'm dangerously close to ruining my brother's life as well, all by dragging him down with my misery. Goddess, he would be so much better without me, they all would!

Tears sting my eyes as the memories come back to me.

I am a runt. If anything, Lena was right, and the memory of those words she spoke about me is what finally gave me the courage to jump.

I lean forward from my seated position, feeling weightless for a split second before a pit forms in my stomach and I lose my balance irreparably. By the time my body hits the water, I’m aware and not, all at the same time, the coldness numbing all my senses.

"You can't die yet." I find myself saying the words in my head, dubbing a a second voice. Right on cue, the words of what I can only imagine is the Moon Goddess ring in my mind.

Despite anticipating those words, even hoping to hear them on some level, I opened my eyes by pure instinct, staring at some sort of light. A light, an entity that can’t be described using conventional means. It doesn’t take long to understand who this entity is, but I’m surprised since usually I hear the words, but she doesn’t make herself known to me.

Scoffing inside, I resist from stating the obvious, which is that by talking to the Goddess of creation herself, it can only mean that I am already dead. Funny, I never made it to this point those other times, but it’s strangely not as bad as I would have expected it to be. Maybe I'll be reborn as a fish or something, seeing as I died in water. Now that would be something.

The thought that fish get rudely plucked out of their water sanctuaries by random fisherman occurs to me, mostly because I can literally feel my body being plucked from the water and carried until I’m laid down on something cold. Now that was a short life. What a bummer! Don’t tell me that I’m being gutted already, because this hard pressure that is nearly cracking my ribs is anything but pleasant.

The warmth of someone’s soft lips pressed against my slightly opened ones, feels like it's literally breathing life back into me. What kind of Heaven is this?