Mixed Fates

Kafli 17

One month later.

Zanders Pov.

My body does not feel like mine anymore, when I woke up at home a month ago I was healed, physically at least. It feels foreign to walk and see people in normal clothes. I was moved into the main house, now I am in the room next to papa Jaxon and mom Ariel. Asher is in the room a little further down the hall and Juliette is still sleeping inside with mom and papa. They all just cried and held me when Mommy brought me home. It felt very claustrophobic to feel them hold me like that but I knew it was for them not me. Asher even though he is almost 13 now stayed by my side and held my hand for almost a week. Mom let him skip school because he would not leave my side. Juliette is walking and talking a little but she does not really remember me since I left when she was just a little pup.

I am not sure if I want to start signing again or just talk but I just don’t have anything to say anymore.

How am I just supposed to move on from this?

I have nightmares. I have to sleep with the window and the door wide open just in case I feel like I need to jump out in the middle of the night. They are almost never the same.

I see people in white coats standing over me.

I see the light of the operating table over me.

I hear the screams of the people I have grown to care about a little in my room.

I see the blood cover their bodies.

I see their bodies bent in an unnatural way.

I shake my head trying not to give myself a panic attack thinking about this time. Mommy and mom have both been asking me to tell them what happened or show them what happened but I just can’t bring the words to my lips. I heard mommy tell mom and papa about maybe taking me to some coven she knows to help me reconnect with my magic and myself.

“Zander?”

I am ripped out of my own thoughts but it startled me so much that I jumped out of my seat in the movie room and my barrier is up.

“Hey wow buddy, calm down it's just me”

I look into the calm and collective eyes of my adoptive father. His face is still strong and reliable. He is wearing a simple black suit with a purple shirt under and a blue tie. He likes mixing his colors and it somehow always works for him. He has always treated me as his own, he taught me how to shave, to talk to girls and to be open about my feelings. He is the person in my life that always kept me to the point and to never devalue my feelings. Just because my friends were strong manly wolves, I did not need to feel any less about my slender body or that I had more sensitive feelings.

Hi papa.

I sign to him.

I roll my head over my shoulders, trying to calm them down and loosen them up but it just adds to the tension already there.

“Can I come closer to you?”

I just nod my head at him. He moves closer to me but he sits down on the other end of the couch. I force my body to calm down and sit down on the other end.

“I want to remind you about your pact. I am here for you. I always want to know your feelings. Your feelings are valid and no matter how “unmanly” they are. They are your feelings and I want to help you deal with them”

I want to smile seeing him put unmanly in air quotes. However the motion does not reach the actual muscles in my mouth. I nod my head at him but I am just not ready to talk to him about it.

“I heard your mothers talking about taking you away and to deal with this with your own kind. How do you feel about that?”

I run my hands over my face and let out a sigh.

I don't know.

I sign but then her face pops up in my memory. For the thousand times since I came home. Papa just nods his head, he looks very vulnerable.

Mia.

Papa's face looks confused so I spell out her name again.

“Mia? Who is that?”

She came in the same time as me and she was with me in the room

His face moves from confused to interested to careful.

“Room? You two were together in a room? Like sharing a bed and stuff?”

I look away from him, rubbing my wrists.

No we were strapped down to our own beds but yes I shared a room with her and three other people but she was the only one still alive when we were rescued.

I see tears start to coat his eyes.

“You were strapped down to a bed my boy?”

I look away from him, I can not see the hurt and the pain in his face that I just know is only reflecting my own.

Papa, I am not strong enough to tell you everything that happened but I will only tell you that our dundion is like Disneyland compared to what I went through.

I see from the side of my eye papa shake his head and rub his hands on his thighs. He does that when he is uncomfortable or really holding himself back.

There is silence between us for a little while. I like the silence but at the same time I can’t stand it. It lets the thoughts and memories sneak forward but always keeping noise going on around me makes me uneasy because I am open to an sneak attack.

“So Mia…”

I flinch hearing him talking again, his voice trying to be normal but I hear how forced it is.

“You want to find her?”

I look at him.

I don't know, I am not even sure she is alive but I just know she is going through the same as me and I think she needs me.

He gets his dad look on.

“Or you need her? You think she is someone special to you?”

Isn’t she already someone special living through this with me?

I ask him back.

He lifts up his shoulders like he does not know the answer but I already know he is thinking something.

Is she someone special to me? There are not many magical mates. There are connections but our relationships are not far from humans. When I turned 16 I hoped so much that I would be someones mate here. I wished with all my heart that someone would be 100% about me and I could put all myself into that relationship with the trust in the Moon goddess.

She did not give me a mate in this pack, I went on some meetings with mom in other packs just to check but no mate. It still scares me to think someone needs to fall in love with me and love me for me not because they have the bond.

Is that Mia? Can we build a bond or maybe move over to love? Connecting over this? Is this something I want to have for the rest of my life as a part of my life?

“I think you should try and find her” Papa says while standing up.

I have nothing but her name to find her.

Papa rubs his clean shaved face.

“She did not say anything about herself in the whole year and a half you were in there?”

I close my eyes, pushing the memories trying to spring to life away.

I can’t think back like that.

I open my eyes looking right into his eyes.

“Then maybe you are not ready to find her, you can’t hope to find her to dump your emotional package on her, when she is probably going through the same”

Your right.

He walks over to me and I have to hold every single muscle in my body on alert and still. He moves over me and gives me a kiss on the top of my head. I am holding my breath until he is a few steps away from me. I feel my heart thumper so hard.

“Baby steps my boy. We will get your through this as a family. I love you”

I love you too papa.