A lone tear slips past my eyelids when I hear my children's conversation.
They never àsked anything about their father ànd I always thought that I could be enough for them. Turns out that I was awfully wrong. Ànd while they won't ask me openly about it, I can tell from my daughter's tone that she wants a father figure in her life.
Wiping my tears and trying to school my emotions, I plaster a smile on my face ànd knock on the door to announce my presence.
I push the door open a moment later.
“ Dinner is ready, children." I say and watch as they look between each other, probably wondering if I overheard their little secret conversations.
“How long have you been at the door, Mama?" Bailey asks and I smile.
“ I just got here. Why? You two have secrets you want to keep away from me?" I tease her, walking to her ànd lifting her in my arms.
“ Of course not." This time, Kaiser answers, his face expressionless.
While Bailey took after me, Kaiser is a mini version of Lake, their father. If the two stand together, you certainly don't need to ask who the father is.
It's like he made sure I won't forget him through our son.
“ I know my babies are the best. They won't keep secrets from Mommy.” I say,giving each a kiss on their cheeks.
I love my kids, no doubt about that. They came into my life when everything was falling apart. I didn't know how to keep living but they gave me a reason to keep pushing ahead.
They have been my pillar of existence in these past few years. When I moved from Los Angeles, I lost my family but through Bailey and Kaiser, I got a new family. They are my own family and I can't be any more grateful.
“ Let's go fill your little tummies then I'll run you a bath." I say, carrying Bailey in my arms and holding Kaiser's hand as we leave his room.
I prepared their favorite dinner combo; chicken nuggets,mashed potatoes,carrots sticks and cucumber salad.
I watch as my kids eat happily and my heart warms.
After dinner, I help them with their baths and tuck them in bed. I read a bedtime story for Bailey and only leave after her breathing evens.
I walk to Kaiser's room and find him typing away on hís mini laptop.
The boy developed interest in tech when he was young.
He can do pretty much with his computer including hacking which I warned him not to try since it's illegal.
“ What are yóu busy with?" I ask ànd he lifts his face to look at me.
“Finding you a good boyfriend." Kaiser answers with a straight face ànd I almost choke on my saliva.
“ How do you plan on doing that?" I ask, amused.
“ It's simple. I created an account for you on a dating site and will be personally interviewing those who show interest in you." Kaiser answers, resuming typing on his laptop.
I am more amused than I am shocked.
Heaving a long dramatic sigh, I walk to his bed and settle next to him, closing his laptop.
“ Tell me,my son. Is there a reason you want to find Mommy a boyfriend?" I ask, hoping that he can open up to me about their earlier discussion with his sister.
Kaiser nods.
“ You have been taking care of us all these years ànd working at the same time that you barely have time for yourself. We don't want mommy to be lonely."
His words warm my heart just as they stab it. They care about me but still won't mention they crave a father in their lives.
“ Kaiser, I am your mother. It's my responsibility to take care of you ànd your sister, Bailey. I am happy taking care of you and don't need anyone else in my life. The two of you are all I need to be happy." I say in all honesty.
When I moved here and gave birth to them, I never thought about starting another relationship. Partly because I don't trust anyone after Caleb and the fact I don't want anyone coming to disrupt our lives.
Over the years, I have considered countless times telling Lake about our children but stopped myself. When I left, he was engaged to someone else. Besides, after that night, he never came looking for me. That meant he didn't want anything to do with me.
“ That won't do. A woman should have a man to make her happy. You can't remain alone.” Kaiser says with a shake of his head.
“ Where did you learn that from?" I ask, puzzled.
We have never had this kind of a conversation before.
" Our teacher said that a man should always make the woman happy and that's why they get married.” Kaiser answers and I smile, feeling conflicted.
“ It's not always the man that can make a woman happy. Having a family and adorable kids like you two is also considered happiness." I say, ruffling his hair.
“ Now go to bed ànd stop thinking about those things. If mommy wants a boyfriend, she will find herself one.” I say, kissing his cheeks ànd helping him in bed.
" Goodnight baby,I love you.” I whisper once he closes his eyes.
I head to my room and take a quick shower. I am preparing for bed when my phone chimes with a new message.
I walk to the nightstand and retrieve my phone before sitting at the edge of the bed.
I miss you cupcake.
The message reads making me smile. I dial the number and the call is answered in its second ring.
“ I miss you too, brother." I say immediately the call is connected. I can hear him chuckle.
My brother, our second born, is the only person I kept in touch with after leaving Los Angeles.
He has been there for me throughout the years, even opening a branch here in Italy to check on me from time to time.
“ I am coming over to Italy this week. I have something important to discuss with you."