North Star

There’s so much a name can tell you about a person.  A name is more than just the interplay of a few familiar words, or a label, or a moniker. Your name is the title of the “book of you” printed in thin gold lettering down the spine of your soul - binding together the story of where you were born, and to whom, and when. And sometimes, even why. Take my name, for example. Meghana Nell Prasad.  My birth name, Meghana, was chosen by my Dadi - my papa's mamma - whose fervent devotion to Vedic astrology led her to insist upon a name that matches my nakshatra, or birthstar, of Magha. Meghana means “cloud”, and the name describes me better than anyone could have predicted when they chose it eighteen years ago. Most days, especially days like today, I feel as light and as lost as a fluffy white cloud, floating directionless across a vast blue sky. I like my full name, but I usually introduce myself as just “Meg”, which is easier for most people to remember. That way, I don’t accidentally get called “Megara”, or “Morgana” or even “Mega-na-na” by well-meaning white people. My middle name, Nell, is a homage of sorts to one of those well-meaning white people - my maternal grandmother, granny Eleanor, known to everyone as Nellie. And my last name, Prasad, is a whole other story - a family surname passed down through a long line of South Indian migrant labourers transported to Africa almost two hundred years ago. I’m the daughter of two worlds, and my unique name reflects that. It is the steadfast anchor that holds the jumbled patchwork of my identity together.  As far as I know, I’m the only Meghana Nell Prasad in the whole world.  So how is it that the very same name, Meghana Nell Prasad, is staring up at me, typed out in neat black ink against white paper, in this letter that clearly cannot be intended for me?  There must have been some sort of mistake. I read the letter over for what must be the fifth or sixth time since I pulled it out of the envelope with trembling fingers, still waiting for it to all sink in. My acceptance letter reads: Monday 2nd November Attention: Ms. Meghana Nell Prasad 37 Strelitzia Point Way Newlands 0621 Cape Town South Africa Dear Meghana, We are pleased to inform you that your essay ‘Debates on the nature of Determinism, Free Will and Love’ has been selected as the First Place winning entry in our bi-annual Philosopher’s Journal New Voices competition. Along with the publication of your winning essay in the upcoming issue of Philosopher’s Journal Volume 70, Issue 258, you have been awarded an all-expenses paid academic placement at the University of Luxembourg.  One semester’s tuition fees, student accomodation fees, living expenses and travel expenses - including international flights and transport to and from campus - are included. You will need approval from your legal guardian(s) and from the relevant University of Cape Town Departments for the academic courses you successfully complete at the University of Luxembourg to be credited to your degree.  Please complete, sign and return the enclosed documents to the International Placements  Coordinator at the University of Cape Town no later than Tuesday 1st December. Meghana, we wish you all the best for a productive and rewarding experience should you wish to accept this opportunity. We hope to see you on campus at the start of our Spring term, commencing Monday 15th February.  Sincerely, Josephine Wagner Associate Professor & Co-Editor, Philosopher’s Journal University of Luxembourg Philosophy Department I stare at the letter for a moment longer before once again folding it up and placing it back in the envelope.  Can this really be happening? How did I ever get this lucky? It feels like forever since I first spotted the announcement on a chilly winter’s morning last June. I was running late for a dawn lecture, literally sprinting at full speed through the winding corridors of the Philosophy Department. I'd stayed up late the night before, binging a new show on Netflix, and was cursing myself for sleeping through my alarm and having to rush. Moments away from reaching the lecture theatre, something caught my eye. A subtle flash of gold on the edge of my vision. I paused, turning to face the department’s notice board - seldom home to anything more interesting than project due date reminders and the occasional advert for a free yoga class.  In that moment, I remember being filled with this indescribable feeling - not quite anticipation, or dread, or even expectation. More like a feeling of something shifting slowly, a sort of settling... like gears in a vast machine turning and clicking into place after many years of waiting.  I felt inexplicably drawn to reach out and touch a creamy white sheet of paper pinned to the notice board at eye level before me, embossed with a gleaming gold coat of arms. Held within the shape of a shield, two heraldic lions wearing crowns looked up at a star-strewn sky. Sunlight glinted off the golden design, making the stars appear to glimmer and sparkle against their pale paper sky. I began to read the words that would change my life forever. In a strange, old fashioned type-face, this is what the notice read: APPLICATIONS NOW OPEN Win a semester abroad and have your work published in one of the most highly regarded academic publications in philosophy. The University of Luxembourg’s Philosopher’s Journal invites submissions for its international essay prize competition on the topic of 'Determinism and Free Will.'  The Philosopher’s Journal is published at the University of Luxembourg - a multilingual university in the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, ranked amongst the top ten academic institutions in the world. See The University of Luxembourg’s Philosopher’s Journal website for details, including submission close dates, prize particulars and relevant contact information. I pulled out my phone and took a quick photo of the notice, not really planning on entering the competition, but feeling like I should get a picture just in case. I reasoned with myself that as a first year student, I didn’t stand a chance against the many second and third year students who’d likely apply. And although I’m top of my class academically, I remember a lecturer mentioning that the journal accepts just a fraction of the thousands of articles submitted per year, and I knew I’d be up against students from all the world’s top universities. I wasn’t even certain that I’d be taking another semester of Philosophy - it was just an easy credit while I figured out what I wanted to major in. The perfect subject for the lost and directionless, uncovering more questions than answers. Indecisive as always, I told myself that entering was a waste of time. But still… every time I scrolled through the photos on my phone, I’d pause on the snapshot of the competition notice, and I’d slip into daydreams of wandering around the grand halls of a lovely old European university, a whole new world to explore, an adventure just waiting for me within reach, if only I could make up my mind to take the first step. And so over winter break I wrote an essay on the assigned topic. I entered the competition not really expecting to win anything - let alone First Place - until the letter arrived in this morning’s mail an hour ago, the envelope’s golden wax seal stamped with the university’s familiar coat of arms.  The course of my life is about to change forever, and there’s so much I need to do. I’ll get the hardest part over first. The thing I'm dreading most.  It’s time to tell mom and papa.