Old Clothes and Stale Coffee

Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Hear! Hear!

Ang laking gulat ng mga tao sa conference room nang pumasok kami. Actually, `di nila ako namukhaan.

“Professor Antonio? Is that you?!” tanong ng malaking matandang kalbo na kasalukuyang namumuno sa Universal Laboratories sa Pinas.

“It’s nice of you to finally join us!” sabi na matronang nalulusaw ang mukha.

“I commend your new assistant for bringing you in on time” sabi naman ng butiki’ng naka-wig at salamin.

“Yeah, This is Dr. Aahmes Abdel, my new PA,” sagot ko sa pag-upo sa puwestong may pangalan ko. “Habibi, these are Dr. Gonzaga, Dra. Francisco, and Dr. Gregorio.”

“Ah, you must be an omega, Prof. Antonio wouldn’t have remembered your name otherwise.”

Napatingin ako sa mestisong hilaw sa tapat ko. S’ya ang head ng Alpha Research team – isang narcisist na mahilig angkinin ang lahat ng pondo ng buong kumpanya.

“Why, yes, this is my habibi,” sabi ko habang nakakapit sa balakang ni Aahmes na nakatayo sa tabi ko. “Habibi, this is Hitler, the head of the Alpha Research Team.

“It’s `Heathlow’ not Hitler,” pagtatama n’ya.

“Ah, tama, ‘Hythloday’ pala!”

Tinitigan ako ni Hitler nang masama.                                                                              

“E-eh-eh-eh-eh.”

Napatingin kami parehas kay Aahmes.

”The peddler of nonsense?” tanong nito, stating the meaning of the name ‘Hythloday’.  

May bumara kaya sa lalamunan n’ya?

“No, just Heathlow. Doctor Percival Heathlow,” sabi ni Hitler na inilahad ang kamay kay Aahmes. Inabot naman ito ng isa. “It is an honor to meet your acquaintance. If I’m not mistaken, you are the famous royal professor from Egypt, Dr. Aahmes Abdel, who specializes in secondary gender personality disorders.” Hinimas ni Hitler ang kamay ni Aahmes at hinalikan pa ito.

“Yes, I am.”

“I have been wanting to meet you,” patuloy ni Hitler na may mayabang na ngiti, “and perhaps, get to know you better?”

“Perhaps,” sagot ni Aahmes na hinatak pabalik ang kamay n’ya, “if I have the time.”

At walang hiya-hiya siya’ng naglabas ng panyo para punasan ang kanyang kamay.

Nagpigil ako ng tawa, lalo na nang makita ang reaksyon sa namumulang mukha ni Hitler!

“Since everyone is already here, can we start the monthly meeting?”

Haay... at nagsimula nang magsalita si Godzilla na nakaupo sa dulo ng mesa, katabi ang bride of Frankenstein at si Grinch. Sila ang mga head ng Universal Laboratories dito sa Pinas, at kailangan laging sumipsip sa kanila ang mga heads of division, kung gusto nilang makakuha ng malaking pondo. Mukha ngang kumpleto ang mga head ng all 12 departments ngayon para sumipsip.

“Professor Antonio,” tinapik ako ni Aahmes sa likod. Tinatawag na pala ako ni Godzilla.

“How about your department?” tanong nito, “Perhaps you can bring a sample of your newly improved Omega-J suppressant to the up coming summit?”

“What summit?”

“Mr Gonzaga was just talking about it, there will be a medical summit and Expo next week.” Bulong ni Aahmes na nakaupo sa likuran ko.

“Oh. My Assistant will take care of it.”

“Prof. Antonio, we were hoping perhaps you can come personally and impart a message to the public concerning your outstanding contribution to the medical society,” sabi ni Mrs. Frankenstein na bahagyang pinunasan ng panyo ang nalulusaw n’yang make-up.

Hmph. `Di na lang nila diretsuhin na gusto nila `kong mag-advertise on stage.

“Dra. Francisco, we all know that Prof. Antonio has agoraphobia, he’s afraid of having another panic attack,” pambibida ni Hitler, “I’m sure he’s more comfortable in his laboratory. Dr. Abdel and I will be more than enough for the summit.”

“Hear! Hear!” pumalakpak ako.

Muling nag-usap ang mga unggoy. Nag-isip na lang ako ng magandang agent na magagamit para sa aking secondary gender tester. Binuksan ko ang pinto sa aking mental library at umakyat sa 4th floor kung saan nandoon ang notes ko tungkol sa omega genes. Dito sa 37th row ng 13th shelf nakaimbak ang lahat ng mga kaalaman ko sa topic na ito.

Dito lahat nakasulat ang mga research ko – sa aking isipan, kung saan walang ibang nakakabasa nito. Kung saan hindi ito mananakaw ng kahit na sino.

Inisa-isa ko muli ang mga genomes na nadiskubre ko at saka nag-isip nang maaaring gawin para madetect ang catalyst genome bago pa ito lumabas sa DNA ng isang bata...

“Professor.”

Muli nanaman ako’ng tinapik ni Aahmes.

”Is it true, Prof. Antonio?”

Napatignin ako sa mga taong nakatitig lahat sa akin.

”Ang ano?”

”That you’re working on a Secondary Gender Testing Kit for pre-adolescent children?” nakasimangot na tanong ni Hitler.

“Ha?!” napadiretso ako nang upo, “Sinong nagsabi sa `yo?!”

“I did.”

Napalingon ako sa likod at pinandilatan ang siraulong Arabo'ng nakaupo roon.

“Puuutang...”

“Please watch your language, Prof. Antonio,” tawag ni Grinch sa harap.

“Perhaps, Dr. Gregorio, Dr. Aahmes was only exaggerating,” pabida nanaman ni Hitler. “Anyway, the project our team is curently working on in the Alpha Genome Department is more feasable. I have sent the details to your acounts on the Alpha perfume we are developing, as well as the amount we would need to continue our research...”

“Prof. Antonio, you have not answered the question,” tanong uli ni Grinch sa akin. “Are the SGT kits already being developed?”

“Mr. Gregorio, currently our department is inadequately funded,” singit ni Aahmes, “In fact, Prof. Antonio has been using his own money on most of his projects, that is why the SGT kits are still on the drawing board.”

Anong drawing board ang pinagsasabi nito’ng loko’ng `to?

“Well, you see, you need to actually `show’ something to get funding,” sabat nanaman ni Hitler.

“If this is so, then it would be better for him to leave your company and work on his own,” sagot dito ni Aahmes.

“What Mr. Abdel said is right,” sabi ni Mr. Alonzo na head ng accounting department. “Prof. Antonio’s newly improved Omega-J suppressant is about to be released next month, and yet he did not receive any funding while developing it, we just re-imbursed some of his expences, hindi pa nga lahat, eh, dahil wala s’yang maipkita na resibo.”

“Exactly,” sabi nanaman ni Aahmes, “to tell you frankly, I am thinking of taking him back with me to the United Arab Countries of the Middle East, where he can get enough funding for all the projets he has in mind.”

“Parang kaya mo!” natatawa ko’ng binulong.

“Actually, Prof. Antonio, he can,” sabi sa `kin ni Hitler, “He is a special guest from the UACME main branch, after all.” Humarap s’ya kay Aahmes at ngumiti ng pilit. “But you see, Dr. Abdel, that is due to the fact that the professor didn’t tell anyone about his project until it was almost stollen,” sabi nito. “Only then did the company find out that he had been working on something new.”

“Which is why it is only right to give our department more funding, whether we have new products to show off, or not,” sabi ni Aahmes.

Pinanood ko pa silang magtalo habang nag d-drawing ng Hitler na umuusok ang ilong sa papel na pinamigay nila sa `min kanina.

“Is this true, Prof. Antonio?” narinig ko nanaman ang pangalan ko. “Are you really working on the SGT kits?”

“No.” Agad ko’ng sagot.

“He has discovered a new genome that is a catalyst for the creation of the omega womb.”

Muli ko’ng nilingon at tinitigan si Aahmes ng masama. Napuno nanaman ng usap-usapan ang silid.

“Habibi, sumosobra ka na!” kung p’wede lang ako’ng magmura.

“They are saying that I am making things up. I am not,” sagot n’ya na diretso ang tingin sa `kin. Bahagyang nakakunot ang mga kilay n’ya.

This is new. May nag-iba sa mukha n’ya!

“Eh, sino ba’ng nagsabing ibulgar mo ang research ko?!” naiirita ko’ng tanong.

“So, it is true that you’re currently working on this project?” tanong ni Godzilla na ang kumikinang ang makinis na bumbunan. “Prof. Antonio! You should have informed us about it! Just think of what a secondary gender kit for children can do!”

“That’s right, using this, we could easily separate the alphas from the omegas before their secondary genders manifest!  Magagawa nang mag-ingat ang mga magulang para malayo sa panganib ang mga anak nila, bago pa sila maging omega!” Sabi ng head ng ethics department.

“P’wede na rin silang painumin ng mild suppressants bago pa dumating ang kanilang adolescence period, para `di ganoon katindi ang kanilang first estrus.” Sabi ng head ng marketing.

“Think of the lives we can save!”

”Think of the sales!”

Nagbuntong hininga ako at sumandal habang nagpla-plano sila para sa isang gender testing kit na nasa utak ko pa lang. Napatingin ako kay Hitler na masama ang titig sa `kin at nginitian ito.

Well, mukhang may maganda namang naidulot ang pagbubulgar ni Aahmes.

Paglabas namin ng conference room ay hinatak ko agad si Arabo sa isang tabi.

“Tarantado ka! Akala ko ba sabi mo wala ka’ng alam sa meeting na `to? Eh, mukhang kilala mo na lahat ng mga tao doon!”

”Not all of them, just Dr. Gonzaga, the rest I just met,” sagot ni Aahmes na inalis ang kamay ko sa kan’yang braso. “I also asked Pedro last night for your financial records for the last five years. You are very underfunded , especially since you joined the team last year.”

“Ayoko lang sipsipin ang pwet ni Godzilla,” sagot ko. “Pero `di mo dapat sinabi sa kanila ang tungkol sa Secondary Gender Testing Kits!” sinimangutan ko s’ya `uli, “At sinong nagsabing pangalanan mo ang research ko?”

“Are they not secondary gender testing kits or SGT kits?”

“Oo, pero...”

“I just called it what it is.”

“Eh, pano kung gusto ko silang tawaging... Jonas Kits?!”

”What is a Jonas?” tanong n’ya.

“That’s the name of his dead omega brother.”

Napatingin ako nang masama sa nagsalita sa likod ko.

”Aba, Hitler, nandito ka pa? Bumalik ka na sa tore mo at baka magkalat ka pa ng anghit mo rito!” sabi ko.

”That’s right, Mr. Heathlow, you don’t seem to be using a suppressant.” sabi ni Aahmes na nagtakip ng ilong.

“Alam mo kasi, habibi, pakiramdam ng isang `to na exempted s’ya sa company policy,” sabi ko. “Lahat ng alpha na tumutungtong dito sa East Omega Wing ay dapat gumamit ng suppressant dahil may mga omega test subjects at patients dito,” patuloy ko, “pero, since mahilig s’yang humimod ng pwet, eh, hinahayaan lang s’ya ni Godzilla sa gusto n’ya.”

“I see you’re still calling my uncle `Godzilla’,” sabi nito na ngising aso, “Kung `di ka lang paborito ni tito, matagal ka na dapat sinisante, beta boy.”

“Kung `di lang kumikita ng billion ang tyuhin mo dahil sa `kin, matagal na n’ya ko pinakawalan.”

Inisnab ako ni Hitler na humarap kay Aahmes at ngumiti.

“I beg your pardon, Dr. Abdel, truth is, I have no need for suppressants since I can control my pheromones at will, I am, after all, a dominant alpha.” pagmamalaki nito.

“Is that so?” bahagyang tumaas ang mga kilay ni Aahmes.

“Perhaps now you would be interested to join me for lunch?”

“Psh...”

Tinalikuran ko sila at naglakad na paalis, nang marinig `ko’ng magreklamo si Hitler.

“Augh, what is that god awful smell?!”

Sa paglingon ko ay nakita ko si Aahmes na humahabol sa akin.

”O, akala ko magla-lunch kayo ni Hitler?”

“How can I possibly eat with `that’ in front of me,” sabi nito na may tinatagong atomizer sa kanyang inner pocket.

“Ano `yan?”

“My special perfume.” sagot nito.

Pasimple ko s’yang sininghot.

“You won’t smell anything,” sabi nito, “it is made of highly concentrated dominant alpha pheromes that only other dominant alphas can smell.”

Napalingon `uli ako kay Hitler na nagtatatarang pa sa may likod. Mukhang naluluha ito sa baho!

“And you used it on Hitler?!” napangisi ako kay Aahmes.

“I used it on myself,” sagot n’ya. “Goes to show how awful they smell.”

Tumaas ang gilid ng kaliwang labi n’ya sa isang ngiwi, at noon ko lang na-realise na ngiti n’ya pala iyon.

“Ang galing talaga ng habibi ko!” `di ko na napigilang tumawa!

Tinapik ko ang kaliwang balikat n’ya. Well, hindi ko `to hinawakan, kunwari lang, at baka mademanda pa ako ng s****l harassment.

“Don’t call me habibi,” sabi naman nito na napatingin sa `kin. “I have already explained the misunderstanding before. Also, it is unappropriate language for such a formal occation.”

“Ah, so sa ibang lugar p’wede kitang tawaging habibi?” pang-asar ko rito.

“No.”

“Okay, habibi, hear you loud and clear.”

“You just called me habibi.”

“Op cors, `di ba nga pipilitin mo ako’ng mahalin ka?” tumatawa ako’ng naglakad papuntang elevator. “Halika na, habibi, gutom na `ko, kain tayo kay Aling Tinay, sagot ko!”

“Don’t call me habibi.”