Mail Order Bride- Illinois

Chapter 5

Jonathan stared at Abby, the day after they left the wagon train, it would be another two day journey to his farm. They would soon be greeted by the cowboys that worked the farm as well as his two boys. While he missed the boys like crazy, he will be sad for their time alone to be over. He knew something was wrong with Abby, and he was sure he was the culprit for her pain. He just didn’t know how to make it better. It was like she was a completely different person. She still did all of the chores, but that was it. They no longer talked about anything other than the weather, she didn’t smile or laugh. She no longer needed his help with anything, she’d rather struggle with the water rather than turn around to ask him for help.

Their relationship was completely foreign to him; Abby cared about him, wanted to make him happy, he knew she wanted him to love her. But he was afraid that part of him died a long time ago, even before he met Caroline. Caroline didn’t want his love, she wanted him cause he was a hero, who had a lot of money. Abby didn’t want his money, she wanted him and that scared the hell out of him. He was sure the part that was capable of loving anyone other than his children had died when his family was destroyed. So he pulled away from her, he opened up to her like no one else. He could see she was falling in love with him, but he wasn’t ready.

He wanted their relationship to go back to the way it was at the beginning. However, in trying to do that he messed up their marriage, and did so badly. He had no idea how to fix it, make it so she’d smile at him again, he missed her smiles.

“How are you doing?” he asked Abby out of the blue. She gave him a shy smile, one he hadn’t seen in weeks,

“I’m a little nervous.”

“Nervous? About what?” Abby looked up at him,

“Meeting everyone especially your sons. I hope they don’t hate me.”

“I don’t think everyone will hate you, I’m sure they will all love you.” Abby looked at him with pleading eyes,

“I don’t want them all to love me.” I just want you too, Jonathan knew that is what she wanted to say to him. He couldn’t take her pleading eyes,

“I’m going to ride up ahead a bit.” Jonathan spurred his horse into a gallop, and was gone before she knew it.

Abby felt a lone tear slip down her cheek, He will never love me. But the sad truth is no one ever did, she didn’t deserve to be loved. What do I do now? Keeping him at a distance didn’t help, they still made love every night no matter how much she wished she could, she couldn’t deny him. She wore her heart on her sleeve, she always had according to Henry. That’s another painful memory she didn’t want to think about.

Jonathan could tell she was crying, and he felt like an utter a*s. He had no idea what to do, so he stayed away until he thought she was done. He scouted up ahead and could tell that they would be home tonight if they pushed hard enough. He waited a bit longer, and rode back to Abby. At first glance he could see that her eyes were red and, but thank god she’d stop crying.

“If we push hard enough we can make it home tonight,” Jonathan said completely ignoring her distress. Abby only nodded that she understood, she pulled the wagon to a halt, rummaged around for a bit, and came back with two sandwiches. She handed one to him, climbed back in the wagon, and got the team moving.

He took a bite of his sandwich staring at her as she passed, damn but she was a proud woman all right. She’d rather suffer in silence than admit her pain, which he wasn’t used to. Every female he had known would have called him a monster and cried her eyes out in front of him to get him to bend to their will. Abby refused, damn but he liked that about her. There were only a handful of men that he could say share the same trait. He loved that she was so strong.

They made better time than he thought, it was several hours later when they passed the marker that indicated they were on his land.

“We are on Smith land now,” he said to Abby. Abby just nodded, “I’m going to ride ahead and make sure everyone is ready to help.”

Jonathan took off without a backwards glance, she tried not to cry but a few tears slipped out. She hated being so weak, but she had no idea how to change. How can you harden your heart?

He just wanted to warn everyone that she was completely hideous. Abby thought as he rode away. This is my new life Abby thought, I have to get used to life in Oregon, please God be merciful.

Jonathan galloped to the barn, where the only person to greet him was Buzz, an old army comrade that stuck with him through the war and beyond. Hell he’d never get rid of the old bastard he thought with w laugh.

“Buzz how the hell are you, you old son of a b***h,” Jonathan said as he dismounted. Buzz gave a loud cackle.

“Just fine boss, just fine.”

“Where is everyone?” Buzz gave him an odd look.

“The cattle sale starts tomorrow.”

“Damn it, I didn’t think I would make it back this late. I thought I had enough time to get things settled, but that damn train had one thing go wrong after another.” Jonathan gave a long sigh. He had hoped to get Abby settled into her new home before leaving, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen.

“boss, ain’t you missing some one? Or did you not get hitched like your letter said?” Jonathan looked up at him in confusion,

“What? Oh my wife, yeah she will be along in a minute with the wagon, I wanted to get everyone ready.”

“Oh come on boss, she can’t be that bad looking.” Again Jonathan looked at Buzz in confusion,

“What? No she’s beautiful, I meant to help unloading the supplies, we have a lot of stuff to unload. When we were in Springfield I loaded up on as much supplies as the wagon could handle, im hoping to be able to sell some of it.” As if on cue the wagon came into view, Jonathan heard Buzz’s low whistle in reaction to seeing Abby for the first time. A slow smile spread onto his face, yeah she was beautiful and all his… for now. She’d leave him, they all did.

Abby pulled the team to a stop just a foot or two away, he came up to help her down.

“Abby welcome home, this is Buzz, he’s in charge of things around here if I’m not here. Buzz this is my wife Abby.” Abby came forward with a beautiful smile on her face and stuck out her hand. God he couldn’t even remember the last time she smiled at him like that.

“It’s nice to meet you mister Buzz.” Buzz laughed at the way she addressed him.

“No mister, just Buzz Miss Abby.” Buzz said as he took her hand and shoock it.

“Well I’m afriad I can’t oblige you, if you don’t do the same for me by calling me Abby, no Miss or Mrs. Just Abby.”

“All right Buzz, do you think you can start unloading the stuff while I show Abby the house.”

“Yes sir boss,” Buzz replied and started in on the wagon. Jonathan led Abby up the hill to the small home.

“Well, it’s not much now, that’s the barn and that small building is the bunk house. THis is the house, it’s not big but I plan on building a bigger home right over there.” Abby followed while listening, he walked up and opened the door to her new home. It was a small one room cottage with a loft that served as a bedroom for the boys. Abby just looked and said simply,

“Well its better than starving to death in Illinois.” That comment stung, but he kept his mouth shut. He was about to lift her up to carry her over the thresh hold as tradition dictates, but she stepped in the house before he took a step toward her. He tried to hide his disappointment,

“I’m going to help Buzz. Abby didn’t bother to acknowledge him, just looked around the home. Jonathan walked back to the barn, feeling as low as a snake’s belly. Buzz had gotten through the flour when he got into the barn.

“What’s this boss? Honey? Now when did you become rich?” Buzz asked. Jonathan looked at the container quizzically.

“I don’t know.”

“They were a parting gift from Jack,” Abby said from the entrance of the barn.

“Jack?” Jonathan queried, his temper rising.

“Yeah, I cooked for him and his two young sons, he had just lost his wife and couldn’t make eggs let alone flap jacks. This was his parting gift as he was a beekeeper, I thought we could sell half of it.”

Abby went to the wagon, got some of the foodstuffs and started to haul it to the house.

“She’s smart as a whip Jon, definatly a keeper.” Like Jonathan didn’t know that fact, he could sell that honey and make more than on any of his bounties. God he didn’t deserve her, he couldn’t give her what she wanted, but there was nothing he could do about it now.

After they unloaded the supplies, Abby went into the kitchen to figure out the kitchen situation and figure out what to serve for dinner. Jonathan spent the time trying to figure out where to store all of the supplies. God he had to tell her he was leaving in the morning without her.

Abby rang the bell about an hour later, Buzz and Jonathan walked up to the small house.

“now let’s see how well your new lady can cook,” Buzz said opening the door.

They had unloaded the wagon, and just sat down to a small meal of sandwiches, beans, and bread with honey. Jonathan wanted to get back out on the road right after eating so Abby didn't bother cooking much other than some beans and bread.

"This bread is mighty good Miz Abby." Abby let out a sigh,

"How many times do I need to tell you to just call me Abby."

"Sure thing, Abby." Abby gave Buzz a wide smile and Jon couldn't help but be a little jealous. He knew it was his own doing, pushing her away, but he didn't want her to smile at anyone else.

"Buzz can you saddle up one of the horses, I need to head out." Abby looked to him, "It turns out that we arrived later than I would have liked, the cattle sale starts tomorrow. That's why no one was here, everyone is in town. I need to leave as soon as possible so I'm not riding in the dark." Abby nodded her head,

"Of course, let me see if I can scrounge up something real quick to take with you in case you have to stop overnight."

"Thank you," he said and gave her a kind smile.

Abby watched her husband of eight months ride out into the sunset she couldn't stop herself from worrying. While they hadn't known each other for a long period of time, not even a year the couple had gone through a lot. The trail was a rough one, and their bond was forged, the near missed with Indians, crossing raging rivers, stampeding animals; their life was in danger every day and they faced it toghether. Abby didn't know what to do now that he was leaving her behind.

"Don't worry Abby, he will be fine." Abby looked at Buzz, not even questioning how he knew she was worried about Jonathan. Abby simply nodded and asked,

"What should I do with him gone?"

"This is a ranch my darling, there is always something to do."

Abby nodded, that was life of a woman. There was always something for her to do to please a man. Whether the man was her father or a husband.