Squeaky clean
1078 Words
Noemi
“Noe, come on. Let me help you.” Valentina knocks again.
“No…No, I-I’m fine.”
I’m really not. But my body is the only thing that is mine… almost completely. All I have left. And the idea of letting even her in here and letting her see me like this... I run my fingers over the edge of the arc on my ribcage, poke at my hipbone, and avoid looking at my collarbones sticking out when my shoulders sink. My gaze moves to the bruises, all shades of blue, purple, and yellowish brown. And the dirt. The insane amount of nasty that is stuck to me everywhere.
Taking a deep breath, I eye the shower suspiciously. The sand-colored tile looks too clean. Like it’s mocking me. Even the wall is looking cleaner than I have in ten years. I step forward tentatively, my naked feet hitting the cool floor of the squeaky clean stall. F**K. I ball my hands into fists. Breathe. You have to breathe.
And then the screams start. Guilia…Valentina.
‘NO! NO, PLEASE.’
‘F*CK DICH OPA! FASS MICH NICHT AN!’
‘My p-parents have money! Please.’
I press my hands to my ears.
‘Thunder, hear the thunder….’
Humming the only song I can remember from childhood, I reach up one hand. My eyes are still screwed shut. And when the warm water hits my head, I let out a shaky breath. I can do this. Just…just sit hear. Soak a little, then scrub like there is no tomorrow. I …can do this.
Once I scrubbed so hard that I’m sure the top layer of my skin must be coming off any minute, I inspect my arms again. And my heart stutters a little. It’s back.
For the first time in ten years, I look into a mirror. The olive tone of my face and neck almost makes me cry. Myself. I look like myself. Almost. I wasn’t able to untangle the hair. The brush I tried running through it got stuck, not even halfway down to my ear. Just like that, I feel helpless again. I hate this… all of it. I—-
“Noe? I heard the shower turn off…. Are you alright?”
“I—-Yeah. I—
I cut myself off and take a deep breath before I put on the clothes they gave us. Since the only girl is leaving in a week and has already sent all her stuff to this… school (?), she’ll be going to clothes for us had to be ordered in quickly. I have never worn anything this nice in all my life.
Putting the sweatpants and hoodie on, I look at myself in the mirror again. Then I push the door open. When I see it’s not only Valentina in our room, I stiffen.
“Are you alright?” My friend sounds worried, but I can’t focus on her. My gaze is jumping back and forth between Greer and his Mom. Why… are they here?
‘To ensure their newest toys didn’t run or try something stupid. Duh. How dense can you be?’
I swallow and look at my bare feet. “I-I’m good.”, I whisper. A lump is forming in my throat, and I know I must work past it. They expect me to say more. Say something.
“I—My hair is… I think I need help.”
I lift my ‘braid,’ then drop my hand and fist the dark blue cotton of the pants.
“No problem, love." The smile is audible in the queen's voice. "Not to toot my own horn, but I'm somewhat of an expert at this. You don't wanna know how much gum and… other things I had to get out of hair in my day.”
She gives Greer a jab to the ribs. “I have six of those. None of them are bald, and I take full credit for this.”
I feel my lips twitch before I can stop myself, and the smile Greer throws me when I peek up at them feels like a reward.
‘Goddess, you’re pathetic.’
Yep. I guess I am. We all stand there, a little unsure of what should happen next when my friend breaks the silence.
“Noe.."
Valentina looks solely at me, her hands clenching around a phone.
"I... I didn't want to leave you alone earlier but... do you think I could-- Can make that call now?"
I want to be selfish. I wanna scream at her to not leave me here. Tell her: 'NO! You can’t make that call. I need you here.'
But… I can’t. I can’t do this to her. This is the first time I can give back for all Valentina has done for me. And I know whom she wants to call, I know how important he is to her. She never told me his name. That doesn’t change anything about the dread and guilt in my gut.
“No..g-go make your call. I’ll be fine.”
Valentina looks at me for a long time, and I try to put on the bravest facial expression I can master.
Which only makes my friend snort. “Nice try… but if you…” Still looking uncertain, her eyes flit over to Greer, and her face hardens. Taking a few steps toward him, she ignores his mother and, tilting her chin up, stares directly at him.
“If you try anything, surfer boy, I will cut your gonads off and feed them to the animals you love so much— What?”
She raises an eyebrow when his eyes widen. “You have cat hair on you and there is something that looks like bird mites all over your sweater.”
When even his mother stares now, a smirk tugging at her lips, Val blushes a little. “I notice things.”
Then she leaves the room after an awkward side hug for me and a nod at the others. More in a hurry than I think necessary. And for the next half hour, the queen (Maeve! I have to remember that she wants me to call her Maeve) and a very patient Greer comb through the mess I call hair. So I sit, my back rigid, and don’t dare to make a sound.
‘Don’t show them that you’re weak.’
‘But, Mommy, it hurts.’
‘Too bad, c*ckroach. Too bad.'
- Writer
