The Shadows in the Hills: Triple Threat

Chapter Nine

The pain seemed to reverberate through me, wave after wave. I needed Jackson. He was the only one that would be able to stop me from finding comfort in Brodie. Each time he reached for me, I pulled away, but I was getting weaker in my resolve. I couldn't let him get close. My need for him was too great. If I dared give into him, I would be lost to him. I loved him so much, but it didn't change everything he had done. I needed a distance between us, especially at that moment.

So many times, Jackson and I had discussed how hard it would be for me to see the baby and not let my love for Brodie creep back in. Love was a convincing force. It could easily convince me to accept the status quo at the camp. To make me think that second place was better than not having him at all. I could see the concern in his eyes, and it was enough to make my resolve soften. Seeing him like that was enough to convince me that I was the only person he ever looked at like that. Except I wasn't, never had been.

Hell, I didn't even know if I got second place in his affection. For all I knew, there was no affection at all. That I was just some sort of toy, or a conquest, maybe even a prisoner. Jackson was different. All he saw when he looked at me was me. That was what I needed; simplicity. We had talked about that moment so many times. We had plans for what might happen and none of them included a complete stranger, or my evil uncle, or the love of my life. Everything had gone so far from what I had expected, and I needed the reassurance only Jackson could give.

I wanted to talk, to say my piece, but I couldn't find the words amongst the pain. Of all the moments to be faced with Brodie, it was the worst possible. I couldn't even kick him out, because the truth was that I needed him. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine being at the beach. Laying on the sand with the waves lapping at my feet. Imagining the pain as the waves coming closer and closer before subsiding again. At least the pain was bearable. It hadn't been before whatever concoction Brodie had given me.

I had to concentrate on the baby, not on keeping my distance from Brodie. Despite knowing that, I had no choice but to try to balance both agendas. I just kept praying in my mind that Jackson would be there with me any minute. He was the answer to everything. "Try to relax. Let your body deal with it all." I could hear Mikkel speaking, but it wasn't like I could turn my instincts off. "She needs to stop being so tense. Her body is fighting against everything and it is only going to make it worse in the long run." At that moment, I hated Mikkel for even discussing anything with Brodie. He had no control or say in anything.

"Esme, you need to relax."

"I would like to see you relax when you have something fighting its way out of you. Not to mention, your presence here is hardly helping." As if the two of them telling me was what was going to make it happen.

"Do you want me to leave?" I wanted to scream yes at him, but I couldn't do that because it wasn't the truth. At the same time, I didn't want to be dealing with any of his drama.

"I want you to never have turned up here in the first place. What was I supposed to do to make it more clear? Maybe I should have put a sign on the door saying no two-timing jerks allowed. How was me leaving not enough for you to get the message?" I might not have been in the state of mind to take in the look on his face, but him standing silently and heading outside was message enough. I had never known Brodie to give in ever before. He never let anything go without a fight before that moment. His lack of resistance seemed to make me question everything I thought I knew.

Luckily, I was saved from concentrating on it for too long as another wave of pain came. It was ironic that the pain of childbirth was a relief from the pain Brodie caused me. "I guess it's just you and me, then." Mikkel clearly hadn't been prepared for the amount of drama he had walked into, even after what Jackson had told him.

The contractions were coming closer and closer together and I knew instinctively that it was getting closer to that time. The pressure building in my groin felt like it was going to split me in half. I could feel my bones grinding beneath the force. It probably didn't help that I had lost so much weight. Jackson had been trying his best to keep me fed, but the baby was absorbing pretty much everything I consumed and anything else my body had left.

When it came time to push, it felt impossible. As though the baby literally couldn't fit through. The pain in my bones and joints was worse than the contractions. It was like I was being forced to harm myself. It seemed to go on forever, but at the same time, no time at all. One never ending pain that echoed on and on. Even after Mikkel announced that my son was safe and sound. When Mikkel passed him to me, all my fears were realised. It was like I was looking at a tiny little Brodie. He had a mass of blonde hair, but it was almost white. It was so light. The little man was definitively not very little at all. He was large enough to pass for a three-month-old.

I clung on to him with what little strength I had left and let my head collapse back on the sofa, grateful that it was over and I could rest at long last.