Whatever You Want

Chapter 2

Raven drifted, lost inside a fog of depression that wrapped itself around her, seeping into her brain and clouding her vision. Sporadic tears tumbled down her cheeks and onto her silky pink sheets, soaking into the fabric like tiny ink blots. She stared at the patterns they formed, trying to force the sadness away.

He’s just a boy, she told herself, there will be plenty more in your life, and though she knew the words to be true, she didn’t fully believe them. He was the one. Her souls one and only mate—and he hated her.

Connor Garfield. The memory of his words stung her mind like a thousand wasps.

“Ew, don’t speak to me.”

Raven was certain the retort had not been solely aimed in her direction. Her best friend Alissa said the same exact thing to a girl sitting at his table in art class the previous week. Raven remembered seeing Connor with that girl outside of art lessons. Maybe he liked this girl, and that was why he struck back in her defence, that or he simply hated the popular kids. Raven hoped it was the latter.

Raven could not stop thinking about that other girl. Her name was Kendal. She wasn’t particularly pretty—not in Raven’s humble opinion—or popular either. She wasn’t cool or interesting. Why would Connor choose her?

Plucking up the courage to speak to Connor took up almost a year. A year of planning, hoping, imagining every scenario possible, every outcome. She had been over and over it in her head, dreamt up all the horrible ways he could turn her down. She never imagined it would go as badly as it did. So much for the wishing ritual.

‘I sacrificed my little buddy for nothing,’ Raven thought.

Her plan was foolproof; buy tickets to see a band she knew he loved, say a friend let her down, and ever so casually mention she had seen him wearing a band t-shirt. She hadn’t got past the word, “Hey”.

Speaking to him again did not feel like an option. Maybe one day. Perhaps after apologising to Kendal. Alissa would not be happy about the apology, Raven frowned. Alissa was constantly impeding Ravens plans in some way or another.

“Raven!” Mum shouted from the bottom of the stairs. “Alissa is here!”

‘Speak of the bloody devil…’

Raven wiped away the tears and rub white make-up into her blotchy cheeks. She flipped her compact shut and flung it under the bed as Alissa entered. As usual, Alissa did not bother to knock or announce her presence, just breezed in, and began a monologue about her amazing online boyfriend and how much she would miss him while holidaying in Spain.

“I need you to log onto my Day of Dragons account and do my daily tasks,” Alissa demanded more than asked, revealing the true purpose of her visit. Raven knew the game well and was decent considering her mother only allowed her an hour a night of gaming. Sometimes she would sneak online after her mum was sleeping, but it always left her tired and cranky the next day.

“You only need to do the bare minimum, so I don’t lose my bonuses.” Alissa smiled dreamily. “Can’t have Andy thinking I’m a noob.”

‘Yeah, we wouldn’t want that,’ Raven thought, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. Earlier Mum commented on Ravens frequent eye-rolling—and mumbled something about toxic behaviours. No doubt some pearl of wisdom she’d stolen from a f******k post.

Alissa stopped talking and examined Raven’s face. “Have you been crying?”

“Is it a goth thing?” Alissa whined, dramatically flipping back silky blonde hair. “I really wish you would outgrow this goth s***h emo phase.”

Raven’s eyes burned. She concentrated intensely to keep the tears locked back behind her eyes. If she blinked now, Alissa would see her tears and worse—her weakness. Raven had a reputation for being the toughest member of her group. She didn’t like anyone to see her cry—especially not Alissa.

“Raven,” Mum popped her head around the door and smiled at each of the girls in turn. “We need to go and pick up Zach. You are still coming, right?”

Raven was planning to come up with some excuse to get out of the road trip but sitting in the car was better than listening to Alissa rave about her weird relationship with a guy she had only met in person twice. Sometimes Raven had very vivid daydreams about releasing all her pent-up thoughts on Alissa’s love life as a screaming tirade. This girl could have any guy in the school and had the cutest, most popular guy following her around like a love-sick puppy, yet she was too obsessed with some online gamer to notice anyone else. The worst thing was, this Andy guy sounded like a grown-up version of the so-called nerds Alissa had so little time for at school.

Seeing the look on Raven’s face, Alissa said, “You’re so lucky to have a mum who drives.” Everything was always a competition with Alissa. She always had to be worse off in some way.

“Your mum can’t drive?”

Alissa shrugged. “She can but hasn’t since I was little.”

“I have to go pick up my brother,” Raven sighed, making air quotes around the word ‘brother’.

Alissa nodded dramatically, “Brothers are the worst. My little brother is such a turd.”

Sensing another rant on the horizon Raven slid off the bed and located her black hoodie with the stripy lining, “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming, Mum.”