10: Self-Centered Undoing

1686 Words
I turned my hand in front of my own face. No, glowing wasn’t quite the right word. It was more like the light was pulsing through me. Like it had somehow reached my blood and joined with it, and every beat of my heart caused the light under my skin to throb brighter, then ebb, brighten then ebb. “Oh how pretty..” I cooed. Somewhere, dimly, my animal instincts were screaming at me that this was dangerous, but I felt disconnected from that instinct. My worries seemed so far away. All of my problems so silly, so worthless. The only important thing was how beautiful my skin looked with the light flowing underneath it. I examined both arms, watching the glowing embodiment of my very life, my essence, pulsing beneath my skin. I laughed, spinning in a circle, watching the little lights catch on my skin, my hair, my clothes. I felt like a kid again. Until the sudden cramp hit me out of nowhere. I doubled over in pain, curling around my midsection. My lower body was on fire. No. I was. All of me. I realized I was sweating, and my vision had gone slightly hazy. I blinked, and my sight jumped from the muted colors of my shifted form, losing the red tones, back to human, with the reds popping back into sharp relief. I gasped, shaking, as my body tried to be both human and fox at the same time, and I realized.. My fox form was trying to go into heat. “I don’t.. People don’t do that..” I whined, my voice coming out an almost animalistic sound. I tried to grab onto the bench that probably-Ives had been sitting on to stabilize myself, while I was bent over, wheezing. “Laoina!” My first reaction at hearing the butchered version of my name was relief. Why was that? Another twisting cramping sensation had me sinking to my knees, my body bursting into fur, then losing it to fade back into human skin. Nevermind, I would have to digest my emotional state later, I was too busy fighting my own body to care. “Laoina! Lady Laoina! Malina! Please answer me!” He sounded desperate now, and I almost could believe he cared. “Here!” I gasped, certain there was no way he’d hear me. “I’m.. here!” The last word was nearly yipped while my body shuddered through another half-Shift. “Laoina! Oh thank fate I found you!” I hadn’t even heard the Fae King approach, but he rushed to my side, looking me over with fear and worry, then scooped me up before I could protest. “You don’t have to.. Oh my gods why do you smell so good?” Any argument I might have had about him carrying me was forgotten as soon as his heady scent hit me. Had I thought he smelled nice before? Well now it was ten times better. Like all my favorite things suddenly. Like flowers and sweet sugary baked treats and the wind through pine trees, and.. I buried my nose in his shirt, twisting my fingers in until the lacing parted enough to allow me to sniff at his skin. I rubbed my cheek along it, and the Fae King looked down at me with concern. It took me a moment to realize I was making an awkward chattering sound. I forced my mouth closed immediately, grinding my teeth together. “We must hurry.” He murmured, and I heard the buzz of his wings, but he didn’t fly us. Instead, he used them to give himself an extra boost to his step as he raced along, nearly bouncing off the ground with each running footfall he took. My core clenched, reacting to the sudden jolting movements, and I moaned, loosening the ties of his shirt further so I could run my fingers along his skin. “What do you taste like? I wonder..” I mumbled, burying my nose in the dip between his collar bones. His smell was getting to me. It felt like it had infected me somehow, like it was racing with the light underneath my skin. I let my tongue dart out to taste his flesh, and he tasted of something wild, exotic, yet bitter and sweet all at once. He tasted like wild Magicks. He sucked in a ragged breath. “Laoina!” He scolded. I looked up at him with half-drooping eyelids and hummed, trying to close the distance between us even more, taste a little more of him, see if all of him tasted of the Magick. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself up while tugging his face down. “You have such a beautiful face.” I purred, trying to place a kiss on his lips. His eyes widened, and he dodged, so I missed. My kiss landed on his jaw instead, and he froze. I nipped him with sharp teeth as a scold for being naughty. He sucked in another quick breath. “I won’t.. I mean.. You’re not yourself.” The Fae King sternly rebuked. His voice echoed back to us slightly and I realized we were inside again. In fact, he was rushing us down the halls in the direction of my room. “I’m always myself.” I pouted. “Who else would I be?” I giggled. “It’s just that sometimes I look like an animal.” I laughed harder, helplessly, unable to contain it. I felt completely intoxicated. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” The Fae King lectured, but it didn’t stop my giggles. Suddenly, he was forcing open the door to my room and shouldering his way inside. “Oh, this is perfect!” I cooed, becoming even more excited as he carried me towards the bed. He set me down upon it gently, and I reached up and grabbed his shirt with a mewl of protest as he tried to withdraw. “Stay with me!” I pleaded, and he hesitated. Almost desperately, he cast a look at the door. “Please?” I begged, and I saw the moment I’d won, when he turned back to me, his expression now gentle and almost mournful. “Alright.” He relented softly, and knelt by my bed. I rolled to face him, reaching out a hand to trace his features. I just wanted to be close to him, to touch and be touched, to have him pressed up against me.. To kiss and taste.. “Why are you so sad?” I frowned, wiggling closer. He captured my hands, holding them between his own and staring at them as though praying. “Because I long for this reaction to be genuine. To know that this is not truly what you want.. It makes me distressed.” The Fae King murmured. I tugged a hand free, wrapping it around the base of his head, tangling my fingers in his long hair. “It is real.” I nearly whined. “Let me kiss you, please?” I had been gradually edging closer, the scent of him invading my senses again, and I tugged him towards me, but he stood swiftly, trying to escape me. The combination of our movements sent him sprawling over me. His wings shot out to help steady himself, and he tried to brace to prevent himself from landing on me, but me? I got myself a wonderful noseful of him, and wrapped myself thoroughly around him, licking and nibbling up his neck, arms banded around his chest under one arm and over the other. He released a throaty moan that nearly undid me, and I realized I had squirmed around enough to feel his groin against my hip. What’s more, there seemed to be something very, very large there. I reached for his breeches, my own body pulsing with arousal, and we both gasped as I gripped him. He flung himself backwards with a beat of his wings, nearly dragging me off the bed as I whined piteously and reached for him once more. Oh he was definitely not human. One could tell by appearance alone, but again, I was a Shifter, and though our father and brothers didn’t flaunt their nudity, I certainly knew what a male looked like. “I need..” I begged as he backed up another step, shaking his head. “You are not yourself, my little Laoina. I will not…” He was forced to stop to catch me as I launched myself at him, climbing him, my legs around his waist, arms over his shoulders. I kissed him deeply, silencing him. My tongue slipped past his open lips, those plush things, and tasted the very essence of Magick itself. It called to me like I was coming home. Like some part of me I never knew existed in the Fae King, and I was just discovering it. It tasted of Springtime and childhood and wonder. Taking control of the kiss, he stuttered with a groan “I will not have you until you want me.” He pushed me back gently while I panted. His forehead rested against mine while I tried to recover, both of us breathing hard, his lips kiss swollen and tempting. “Don’t force me to be cruel Laoina. You are suffering from the effects of the Renewal, but it will pass. It will pass.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, attempting to hold me at bay, even as he cuddled me close, running his hand over my hair, back and shoulders. I don’t know if he realized it or not, but the simple movements appeased something in me even as much as they irritated me because he denied me the rest of what I desired. “I want you to choose me Laoina. Not like this.. Not like this.” He murmured against my neck as I clawed and scratched at him, trying to remove his clothes.
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