1. Thoughts
Sam is observing the small crowd at his brother’s barbeque. The last get-together of the year. At least here by the lake. He brought the girls up with him, because Lorry’s Beetle can’t make the climb over the rough forest road and Marjorie doesn’t know the road at all. It’s all the same for his Range Rover. That is the only reason he even has this car. It can drive anywhere, road or not. The others are full in the conversation, but he stands to the side admiring the sight.
Magnus is at the grill, helping out it seems. The guy is a magnet for every living being. He can practically hear the lecherous thoughts of the girls. Not that his own are any better. That tight t-shirt leaves nothing to the imagination. Every sharply defined muscle stands out against the light blue cotton. The tattoos peeking from under the sleeve are intriguing as well. He wonders where they end? A fit masculine chest covered with ink is his downfall, as sure as a tight ass in jeans.
Sam picks up a couple of beers and walks over to the grill. By the time he realises it’s just Sebastian there, it’s too late. So, being a good little brother, he hands a beer over. Small talk is not his forte, so he goes back to observing. It’s important for Sebastian that he showed up, but he knows his brother well. Sebastian doesn’t meddle in other people’s affairs. The girls are on their own if they want to score with Magnus. Now, Sam wonders if Sebastian would help him? But, for that, he would have to actually say something.
Admitting to himself that he likes guys better was a quest that took most of High school and College. He knows that Sebastian knows, he just doesn’t talk about it. His brother is the coolest when it comes to personal stuff. Sebastian probably gets that from their mother. Mom has known since forever and she never said a word about it to anyone. The only remark she ever made was about condoms and being safe. Sam got to see why she said it when he frequented Detroit’s gay clubs. His relationships never got over the one-night stand phase. He never connected with anyone past the lust stage.
Is this new obsession with Magnus the same? What if the guy is straight? What if he can’t even think about being with a guy? How does Sam learn what the guy likes if he can’t even talk to him? Magnus doesn’t seem to be interested in any of the girls. He is just polite in his answers to their questions. They have caught a casual glance between them, but all it did was to make Sam even more self conscious. A party is not the place to start a conversation like this. He better stand back and observe.
There will be chances to get Magnus in private. The guy just moved to Flint because of his new job. Does this mean he’s not an ex marine if he still works on a marine base? Maybe he should ask Sebastian about that? Are teachers and field instructors enlisted or not? What is the difference? Does it matter? If Magnus comes to visit Sebastian and Lorry more often, he will get his chance to talk with the guy. Getting his courage together is another thing. The Major looks intimidating on his best day.
‘Intimidating is good. Maybe he can keep all those leeches away from you. I don’t like it when they have their dirty paws all over you,’ his wolf scoffs.
‘Do you like him, too? I swear my fingers are itching to touch that perfection. Do you think that tattoo continues or stops on the shoulder?’ Sam asks his wolf.
‘What tattoo? Let me see,’ the wolf inquires. Sam thinks nothing of it, the people here know about werewolves. They wouldn’t be invited otherwise. He lets his wolf to the surface and his eyes turn to gold.
‘I wouldn’t mind my paws all over him. I’d even let him pet me in wolf form,’ the wolf informs him. Sam can feel what the wolf does. His inner animal was instantly smitten with Magnus. Just the way he was.
‘I wouldn’t mind that at all. Anything really, but standing here in limbo,’ Sam answers.
‘Get your courage together and ask him,’ the wolf orders.
‘What if he turns me down? It would hurt more than any other rejection over the years,’ Sam inquires. He is best friends with his wolf. They make all decisions together, but it comes to Sam to make them happen.
‘Think about it for a few days. There is no rush,’ the wolf shrugs. He is the more patient one of them. It’s always Sam who goes through mental agony and all stages of fear before he asks a guy out. The wolf just waits to see what will happen.
When his parents join the fun, Sam decides he’s had enough. He knows dad will tell Sebastian about the Alpha position when he’s ready. It might not be today. Sam promised to keep quiet about it until then. It’s a done deal, but dad wants to be the one to spread the news. Sam can see that dad is talking with Sebastian about the party and mom is heading over with one of her famous pies. He nods to his parents and tells the girls he’s bailing the show.
“I’ll drive Marjorie home. I’m surprised you lasted this long. Outdoors is not your game,” Annika smiles at him. She is probably the only pack member who knows his secret. The girl was so persistent, he caved and gave it a try. She promised to keep her mouth shut after he failed to get aroused. It was not for lack of trying, girls just don’t do it for him.
“Thanks,” Sam smiles back. “Good luck hunting.”
“Nah,” Marjorie shakes her head. “I think we don’t stand a chance in hell. He’s just being polite. His smile never reaches his eyes.”
“But he is good company. We can all use a friend like that,” Lorry chuckles. “I’m glad Sebastian invited him.”
“Hey, mom. Bye mom,” Sam winks at his mother when she joins them.
“Bye, Sam. Drive carefully. I’ll call you tomorrow,” his mother smiles at him. He is lucky she understands that he’s not leaving because of her. His social quota has been filled, he needs to be alone for a while. Luckily, he gets a day off on Sundays. Mondays are the dreaded day when he has to return to the office. His assistant is under strict rules to keep her paws to herself or lose the job, but his clients are a whole different story. His job depends on them, so he can’t turn them away.
He locks his front door firmly behind him. Not worried about burglars, but unwanted guests. The little Victorian townhouse is his pride and joy. He bought it a few years back and renovated it himself. His sanctuary is in the attic. All his old toys are up there and he developed the little train set into a whole city with parks and tunnels, some hills and a small village. Painting the houses was a challenge. He is not a fan of too much colour, but pastels get lost in the greenery. His latest addition is a railroad bridge over the river. He also ordered fake trees in miniature, but he’s still waiting for those to show up. It will look almost real when he replaces the cardboard trees in his mock-up world.
But the scenery and his beloved vintage trains don’t give him any solace today. Is there more than lust he feels about Magnus? The Major has left a lasting impression on him. And they haven’t spoken beyond that initial hello. Sam wants the man to notice him. He would give anything to get him into his bed. Even play submissive. The fact that his wolf remains quiet at the idea tells him so much. When an Alpha wolf doesn’t object to thoughts about being submissive is the time to get alarmed.
Sam leans back in his chair. He closes his eyes and just listens to the sounds of trains running over the tracks. They are on a careful timer, so they never meet on the junction of the tracks. Thoughts of Magnus fill his head. The flexing of muscles when he flipped the steaks on the grill. The half smiles when the girls teased him. The easy way of his southern drawl and how the sound of his voice affected Sam. Damn! He’s got it bad.
Is it just his abstinence? It’s been a while since his last weekend in Detroit. He turned down his last two invitations. The club scene just doesn’t fill his needs anymore. It all turned to meaningless fun. It lost the satisfaction he used to get from it. Driving all the way to Detroit for a few moments of fun is just not worth it. His club is a high end one that thrives on anonymity. There are no friendships forged there, no real names exchanged. Maybe that is what’s missing in his life? Something real, tangible, just his?