Badboy for a Boyfriend

Chapter 14

Today, I planned to revisit the rooftop. I was sweating because of the hot weather and had to hide from my friends literally. Even though this was the first time I was going back to the rooftop after weeks and after my dinner with Dayshawn, this wasn't the first time I was dishing them out. They were crying out how they had been missing me, especially Sue. Jean was usually the one who had so much more pride in her bag than everyone. But she's mostly transparent. I know she was disappointed but also missing me. 

We were all classmates but interaction in the class had always been different from when we had free time to talk about anything under the sun.

I didn't have a new spot yet but I did smoke at random places available. But I had to admit the rooftop by the boundary was different. It had become 'the' spot. Missing it for weeks felt like I had lost my way home. I knew exactly what path to take but couldn't be there whenever I wished. 

Today, I was taking chances—a brave chance—on that path again. In the back of my head, I knew why: it wasn't the place. It was the person we were making memories in that place with. As for me and the rooftop, it was Razbill Silvero.

Entering the building, a shrill of small laughter echoed to my ears. The dead silence welcomed me in. When I took a step inside again, the laughter continued. It had become real this time, reverberating to the enclosed and empty building. 

I watched as goosebumps started on my limbs. Hair rose at my nape as if wanting to escape if not for my hair down behind me. Ghost was never my thing. It was never to my entertainment, and Tanner hated it so much it was never welcomed in our circle's topic. 

Rumors were going around at some buildings around the entire campus but such news would die down before the heads even reached it.

I knew I would scream if the ghost suddenly appeared but even at that moment, I was worried about what people would think to see me poised out. 

My steps bravely followed the noise. The door near the stairs suddenly opened. A little girl of around five feet with a round body stepped out. She was jumping with her small limbs and singing on the rhythm familiar to her alone. Her hands were spread apart as if she was flying. Her thick curly hair up on the sides of her head for a cute piggy tail. Her white dress had strawberry prints on it. 

I was such an intrusion to her little play. When our eyes met, her smile widened. Instantly, I knew the little girl was special and beautiful. Without a second thought, she ran to me.

It paralyzed me. I stood on my spot and watched her until her tiny outstretched arms wrapped around my legs. My hands were on my sides and mid-air. The action, although startling, was too sweet to ignore.

But before I could hug her back, she let go and jumped in front of me while jumping. I was worried she would tire herself but she was enjoying it. Her innocent smile was contagious. 

"What's your favorite color?" she asked enthusiastically. 

Dumbfounded at the child's question, I blinked several times. No matter how simple it was, I had no answer. I couldn't believe it.

"I…"

"Red!" she exclaimed while pointing to the wristwatch on my left arm. Her eyes closed as he continued to smile. I just felt the sides of my lips stretching out for a smile. She repeated her guess like she knew she was correct. 

Slowly, I nodded. "You're right," muttered I breathlessly. I watched as my hand reached out to gently stroke her hair. Feeling a little bit awkward, I patted her head three times instead, making sure not to mess up her lovely hair.

Then my head lifted up. Razbill Silvero and I were smiling at each other. I pursed my lips together to hide it from him but I was feeling so warm that it probably still showed to my eyes.

I had no idea how long he had been standing close to the door where the girl had emerged from. The only sound was the little girl's soft giggles. 

It wasn't a noise. It was the ghosts. It was more like music sung directly to touch one's soul.

Still, I wondered what she was doing on campus. She's not allowed here unless there was an important event where the school let outsiders and the students' families in. 

The unspoken question was answered when another presence walked out from that same door. This time, it was a utility staff in a clean, white polo shirt instead of their all-blue uniform. He was stunned at the sight of me. Politely, he bowed his head apologetically to Razbill and to me before walking to us. His hands gently fell on the little girl's shoulder as she urged her away from me. 

"I'm sorry about this, Miss Roswell…," he apologetically glanced at Razbill again and back to me. 

His eyes were full of warmth and gentleness. But his entire face was a reflection of hard work and sleepless nights. I couldn't tell if the wrinkles under his eyes were because he was aging or if it was a trace of a happy person. 

"It's my day off today," he continued. "This is my daughter. Today is her birthday and we're celebrating it together. I came back and I forgot to do something here yesterday. One of the guardsmen at the back is her godfather. He allowed us in but only because I promised we would not take long."

The smile faded off my face, of course. I already was feeling sorry he had to apologize and tell me all the details. I really wouldn't mind. But my name made him believe I would. 

Razbill left his spot to walk closer to us, probably because I kept glancing at him for help.

"I understand," I said and repeated it. "She's done nothing wrong." I smiled at the little girl who stayed by her father's side. I took off my watch and handed it to her. "Happy birthday!"

She had already accepted it; held it around her small hands like a fragile thing. Her eyes brightened with delight. But her father looked like he was determined to give it back.

"We cannot accept this, Miss Roswell. This costs much more than what we can earn in a month."

The watch had no price tag. I didn't know if I would have been offended. He was working for our school and it made me feel bad that his hard work was not enough to buy such an expensive thing. I continued to smile nonetheless. 

"It's fine, sir. It's my gift to her." I crouched to the little girl and gently poked her nose with my forefinger. “Thank you for coming here today. I won't tell anyone I've met with an angel."

She giggled. I didn't know if she understood what I meant but her smile was enough of an answer. 

Her father still doubted whether to accept the gift. I had to smile reassuringly at him. The only reason he soon agreed was because it was for his daughter and her special day.

When they left, I was reminded of how I had been avoiding Razbill and how I knew he wasn't innocent to it. I could almost hear crickets at lunchtime. Surprisingly, without having to say a word, our feet moved to the steps of the stairs. Like there was no other way in and out but through the rooftop of this building.

"Is red your favorite color?" he asked as we took one unhurried step at a time. He kindly glanced me over to point out that I rarely wore anything red. 

"No." I smiled as he opened the rooftop door for me. He walked backward so that he could listen to me. "But now it is. I'll live with it as my favorite color from now on." Except for that watch, it was more maroon than red.

To the little girl, it was red. And I would join her to fight the world that it was indeed red.

"I forgot to ask her name."

"Lili," he answered. "I also met her today. She's too happy and her father was trying to silence her gently. I have had quite a good time talking to her. She's a jolly kid. No one can stop her from smiling to the world."

Stepping further inside the rooftop, I finally took notice of the changes. Broken chairs and stuff peeking at the corner were gone. The ground was clean and looked like someone had put extra work into it.

I walked to the table as a pot and a plastic spray sitting on it pulled me close. There was only a half and a damped soil inside the brown pot. 

"What is this?" I asked out of curiosity. We had a small garden at home. My mother liked the view and smell of it but never got her hands dirty to help them strive. We had our own gardener and she made sure they had enough knowledge to take care of the garden. 

The awkwardness of not talking for a short but somehow felt like a long time flew out somewhere the moment we reached the top floor.

"I was thinking about the hydrangea." He smiled. "This is a bleeding heart. We'll grow it together here."

I swallowed. "Why not the hydra…"

"Hydrangea."

"Yeah." A lump formed in my throat. Something flashed in his eyes. He was hesitating. 

"It was my mom's favorite. I thought we should have something different here. Add another life. Grow it." He gently patted the pot.

"Why?... I mean, why do we grow it here and…“ I bit my lower lip and glanced from the pot up to him through my lashes. 'Was'. Does that mean…?

"I missed you for two weeks. I know you'll be back so I decided to surprise you with—I don't know—I cleaned everything and thought a plant would be nice here."

He's right, considering how plain the place was but…

He missed me. In a blink, he said it without a shadow of a lie crossing his eyes. He was merely spilling the truth and he didn't feel the need to disguise it. Like he was simply used to saying exactly what he meant. Smooth and real. Straight like an arrow. 

But because I still never forgot my skill at keeping to myself, I bit my tongue and deprived him of the chance to hear the same thing from me.

I was a coward… and selfish.