The Knight; His secret author

One dance

*Knightley*

I shouldn't have followed her, should have left the ball the moment I realized she was there. She had made her point during our last encounter, but hearing the justifiable rage slither through her voice, the pain causing it to rasp, the humiliation making it tremble… I felt as though I would be catapulted back to that morning when I had broken her heart.

She, too, was there again, bombarded by all the emotions that should have been absent that day. The years had brought her no solace, hadn't washed away the memories or caused them to fade. I hated how she continued to suffer.

If only I could have spared her the cruelty of being caught in the web of deceit that unceasingly held fast to tear at us.

I need to free her, and I know of only one way to accomplish that task. In the darkness, it would be easier to face the past, to explain to her when she was lost to the shadows how I would make everything right. I can’t undo what had transpired that day, but by the Goddess, I can make it right for her, just as I had made it right for another.

“I unexpectedly learned something about myself, and I knew with me, you would never achieve true happiness. I sought to spare you a future that would have involved far more tears than smiles.” I say.

“Well, if that’s what you considered sparing me, then you’re correct. I would not have remained happy with you.” Despite the fact that I can’t see her clearly, I am very much aware of her penetrating perusal of me. “What did you learn about yourself? That you’re a coward?”

I can’t help it. I grin. I had thought her formidable before, but she is more so now. I want to confess everything, but I have sworn to take the secrets to my grave. The well-being of others depend upon my discretion. “Close enough.”

She sighs with apparent frustration. “I have been gone from the ballroom too long. I need to get back.” She makes a move to leave.

“How badly do you want Chidding?” I ask her.

Her gaze swings back around to me, landing on me like a harsh thud to punctuate my words. “I beg your pardon?”

“At the wolves, you didn’t seem at all bothered by his impoverished state. I suppose he could be classified as handsome.” I say.

“I don’t give a fig about his appearance. I need respectability for me and for... Arianna. I don’t want her growing up ridiculed and mocked as I was. I don’t want her hidden away.” She slams her eyes closed and shakes her head. “I realize that is precisely how she is living now. A secret. The staff is exceedingly loyal. They won’t betray her, but as you witnessed, she is of an age where she tends to get into mischief and rebels against the boundaries I have set for her.” Opening her eyes, she meets my gaze straight on. “In spite of his impoverished state, Chidding’s reputation is unblemished. He amassed debt striving to keep his estate maintained. I find him quite admirable. The few times we’ve been together, he has been kind, hasn’t attempted to take advantage.” She rolls her eyes. “We haven’t even kissed yet. And I don’t know why the bloody hell I’m telling you any of this when it most assuredly is none of your concern.”

“I can deliver him to you.” I tell her.

She growls, and I am reminded of a dog straining against its tether. “I don’t need your interference. I don’t need you. I’ve gone five years without you in my life and managed quite well, thank you very much.”

"Then let me ask you this: How quickly do you wish to marry?" I find myself asking.

"If that’s a proposal, you can rot in hell." She huffs.

I chuckle low. I had loved her before she became this feisty. If I were wise, I would make myself scarce around her rather than risk falling more deeply in love with her, but then, where she is concerned, I have seldom shown wisdom. “Do you know what his best mates call him?”

She releases an impatient breath strong enough to stir the leaves in the tree. “I’m certain you’re going to tell me.”

“Tortoise. The man is remarkably slow at making decisions. I assume for your daughter’s sake, you would like him sped up.” I say.

“You have a plan for accomplishing that end?” She asks.

I nod. “I do. After we return to the ballroom, dance with me.”

“For what purpose?” She scoffs.

I don't blame her for the suspicion reflected in her tone. “To make him jealous.”

She scoffs again, quieter this time so no one else would hear, and I'm reminded of the many times I had muffled her cries of pleasure. To protect her reputation. All I have ever wanted was to protect her. Instead, I had ruined her.

“Our past is well-known. No one is going to believe you have an interest in courting me.” She says.

“They will if I appear... regretful... and still enamored of you.” I tell her.

She rolls her eyes, “Well, I’m certainly not going to give the impression I have any interest in you at all.”

I take a step toward her. She stands her ground. “In spite of how things ended between us, the smoldering embers of desire haven’t been completely snuffed out, surely.”

“As though several buckets of cold water had been doused upon them, leaving nothing but ash.” She shoots back.

Ah, but the phoenix arose from ashes. I tamp down the thought because nothing has changed, and I still can’t give her what she deserves. “Then waltzing with me should hardly affect you.”

“I don’t understand what you gain.” She says.

“An easing of my guilt.” I mumble.

Her eyes narrows. “As if I should have any interest at all in lessening your suffering.”

“Dancing with me will increase it. If the book wasn’t enough, you could have a little more revenge.” I point out.

“I don’t trust you.” She says.

“Who’s the coward now?” I goad, knowing I'm backing her into a corner, one in which she would not stay.

She huffs. “Fine. One waltz. I’ll return to the ballroom first.”

She doesn’t wait for my response, but simply edges past me, her gardenia scent wafting toward me. I inhale deeply as though I could bring all of her nearer, but she disappears into the shadows.

I hold still, counting the seconds before I can follow, detouring around the gardens so I emerge from another direction.

While she might not acknowledge it, Althea needs my protection more now than ever. As does her daughter. I intend to ensure Althea is married by mating Season’s end.