Loving You, My Only Regret (MxM)

My Crush

Chapter 2: My Crush

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I somehow ended up at the meeting place… I waited for a few minutes before entering inside… Actually I didn’t have the courage to step in so whenever I made a move I ended up walking back out… because the moment I saw his back I couldn’t believe he was actually here…

The more I stared at him through the coffee shop’s window the more I reminded myself in the past when I’d stare at him from a distance…

Yes… there’s always been this distance between us…

If I just keep it this way I will never be disappointed…

As I attempted to leave, I felt someone grab my hand…

“Were you just going to run away just like that?” Davis had rushed outside probably after seeing me. The look in his eyes that I remembered from all the way back then when we used to be close… How come he looks the same now? He’s more mature sure… maybe even more handsome than I remember… but the innocent look in his eyes continued to shine brightly.

“I’m sorry… you must be mistaking me for someone else…” I excused myself trying to lie to him. But he held onto my hand more sternly than before. He looked as me as if he wouldn’t let me go no matter what lie I tried to make up for him to do so.

“I’m not mistaken… I wouldn’t be able to forget how you look even if I wanted to. Come inside now.” Davis spoke with a careless smile and I could tell he was excited to see me. But my heart was beating so quickly I felt like I was going to faint…

I needed him to let go of me… because I’m a coward… I can’t face him… I can’t do this…

“Um… but I… I really don’t…” I hesitated, I couldn’t even come up with a good reason to runaway… I should have never came here but Bradley insisted and I couldn’t fight him on it anymore…

“Why? You didn’t want to meet with me?” Davis’s grip suddenly loosened and I felt like I had made a huge mistake. The look in his eyes now disappointed, discouraged… did my presence really mean that much to him? Did it matter at all? I couldn’t help but wonder…

“That’s not it, just… I don’t feel… like…” I tried to explain myself. I ended up sneezing and snot ran down my nose, probably making me look more stupid than I sounded at that moment.

“Hm? Let’s head inside, it’s cold… Your nose is running…” Suddenly Davis held me tightly and we walked in together… holding hands, in front of everyone in the café…

Admittedly there weren’t that many people but I was still flustered. Thinking that I was finally with the person I liked and holding his hand… my heart, it felt incredibly warm…

Why does he have to act so caring towards me? In moments like these I really do get my hopes up carelessly…

“So how has life been treating you? Or rather would you we skip that part and go to the real stuff? Your confession.” Davis sat me down, we ordered and he picked up the conversation as he was leading it effortlessly.

I shifted in my seat nervously as I tried to figure out what to say to him. “Please forget about it, I was just drunk and ended up spouting all kinds of nonsense… or rather texting it to you… and that’s no good… honestly…” My words barely making sense I began drinking my hot chocolate, I never could drink coffee, so I felt strange he remembered this detail about me…

“Why? Was it not true? I was actually really happy to receive it…” Davis’s eyes looked down at his own cup of hot coffee. He looked like he was hopeful. But how could that be the case?

Why would he make an expression like that?

“You were?” I asked him still filled with hesitation in my cracking up voice, I managed to utter the following. “I thought I was the only one… that had… hopes for this…” Barely managing to make my voice clear, but he understood me.

“Of course… since the truth is… I’ve always loved you as well, from the start… I just thought nothing would come out of it if I tried to go out with you so I ended up dragging my feet…” Davis spoke so effortlessly about it all but I felt strangely excited when hearing it. I felt like he cared… I felt like I was understood… I was… really… head over heels for this guy…

“Really?! Because I felt the same! I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and I didn’t want you to think badly of me so I just stood by the side and then we lost contact with each other and it became messy and now we’re adults and all…” I blabbered about, this time I didn’t interrupt myself or feel too shy about it. Maybe it was because my heart’s been skipping beats but everything felt like a fever dream to me.

“So you were equally as scared as I was?” Davis asked he looked up at me with wide eyes almost as if he couldn’t believe it at all.

I nodded my head. “Yeah… and I guess… we both liked each other sincerely… so why did we end up like this now?” I asked while looking down at my half finished room temperature drink.

“Haha… that’s so dramatic, don’t you think?” Davis chuckled whole heartedly and it made me pause for a bit to observe him. His smile was as bright as before… no it might have been even brighter at that moment.

“I guess…” I nodded along as I didn’t know what else to do. This made him chuckle all the more.

“You’re just the same as I remember!” He spoke carelessly, he was upbeat and sweet as I recalled he used to be and that reassured me…

We spoke of the past, we spoke of the good times, the strange times, the bad times like his parent’s divorce and me moving to another city after graduation…

All these things that had piled up in our lives, the ones we tried to ignore, the ones we desperately tried to remember…

But most importantly…

The very first time in my life I was ever able to be so earnest with another person… and even more so, earnest with myself… it’s insane, I can’t even comprehend it at the moment…

“Hey? Are you still listening to me?” Davis asked me as we headed out the door. Holding hands once more, I didn’t know if I had the right to be so happy as I felt at that moment.

“Right… yeah, I’m listening… I just got distracted.” I said with a smile. Honestly all of this happened so quickly, our conversation lasted about five hours but it went by in a flash… I felt somewhat empty thinking it had to end so soon. The café was already closing up for the day…

“So… do you want to start over again?” That was his question but somehow I couldn’t register it.

“What?” I asked with a baffled look on my face as I stepped back, involuntarily letting go of his hand in the process.

“Do you want to-” Before Davis could repeat himself I placed my hands onto his lips to stop him.

“I heard you but… don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked him desperately. I felt like my entire f ace had turned bright red when I uttered that.

“I do.” Davis said through my fingers that still clung to his face. He slowly moved my hands to his chin and then the side of his face.

“And so… why would you want to be with me when you can be with her?” I asked him, because I felt like a home wrecker. I didn’t want to ruin his relationship. I didn’t want to be the reason they had to break up.

But Davis as per usual had a way with words and somehow he made my worries wash away as he spoke so eloquently. “Because I want you more than anyone I’ve ever wanted in my life before… and besides what I have with her, it’s not going well at all.”

“I see… so that’s… alright then…” I told him with a bit of hesitancy still present.

“I can see you’re struggling but I won’t force you to give me an answer right now…” Davis said as he smiled and planted a kiss onto my hands. Then he let go of them completely. “I’m headed this way… I’m glad we met up…” His smile made me feel something deep down…

“No!” I called out to him as he tried to leave. I knew for a fact I was a coward, I was someone too scared to do or say the wrong thing… but this time I didn’t want to regret anything…

I don’t want to look back at this moment and feel like I’d wasted my chance for the second time… That’s why no matter how difficult it is… I have to force the words out of me…

“I like you… truly, so I want to date you… please go out with me.” I confessed, the best way I could think off… the only way I could think off…

“I thought you’d never ask… I feel the same way…” Davis smiled as he hugged me tightly.

I was finally happy… no I was over the moon… the person I was in love with was in my arms… and he chose me after all these years, if this isn’t fate then what is it?!

I was determined…

This time I won’t let the past repeat itself…

We began dating…

It was magical in a sense… and that’s how my new year started… Little did I know that just a short while later I’d end up in a bigger mess than I even imagined I could be in…