5
1329 Words
Yes, I was dumb enough to let her go but wasn't I important enough for her to stay.
-A. E
Darcy
~
I didn't know why my heart was beating so fast or why I felt like I couldn't breath but as I pulled up to my apartment and headed up to my floor, I understood why. Both my parents stood outside my door with a man I couldn't quite identify since they faced away from me but I didn't stick around to find out as I ran all the way back to my parked car.
Today was certainly not the day for me to be dealing with these people, especially if they plan on taking me to a psych ward or to some cultic priest and so I ended up driving to my favorite hangout spot and bar. I was thankful that work wasn't until the weekend and I avoided some drunk patrons on my way in. The bar was unusually crowded and the music was louder than normal but I welcomed the distraction.
"Can I get two glasses of ciroc on the rocks, with two ice cubes, shaken?"
The bartender nods before getting my order and I surveyed the bar for a worthy victim.
The dance floor was jam packed with many guys and girls and even though I noticed quite a few girls that would more than likely do the trick, I couldn't stop my minding from traveling g back in time to the first night Jane and I actually spent together....
Actually danced together...
Actually kissed...
The night when I had my first official taste of sin...
And somehow got addicted.
I know I made a promise to myself never to think about her but the few shots of liquor in my blood begged to differ. If she had only decided to stay... to trust me... things would be different. Maybe I am to blame for her whole family turning against her, but I couldn't stop the way I felt, even if I had tried... and I did.
I sighed as thousands of tiny memories flooded my mind and told the bartender to keep the drinks flowing. I upgraded from shots to medium sized glasses all the way up to the huge mugs that held the foreign beers. The man understood my plight and just quietly obliged. I had abandoned my search for punishable victims that could easily distract my mind from her but after all the alcohol in my system... it surely begged to differ.
I had been sitting in my same lonely spot for nearly three hours and saw the many faces that passed me by as I gave them little to no interest. The music shifted many times over but when I heard the sounds of a drunk man as he tried to belt out the lyrics of Stevie Wonders' biggest hit, my attention was barely averted.
They had started the karaoke and for the next half hour or so I listened to the many drunk patrons as they tried to sing. One teenage boy took over the mic and although sober, he still looked like he was about to puke. My eyes turned to his line of sight and I saw an equally nervous girl, anixously awaiting his next move. He began and for the first time that night I smiled. His voice was soothing and the lyrics were heart felt as he sang 'Like I'm gonna lose you'.
I somehow got the courage to get my drunk ass up to the stage and before I knew it, everyone was waiting patiently for me to begin. Clearing my throat, I hoped for the best.
"Hi, goodnight..." I began drunkenly. "I don't really know why I'm up here but I guess I just need the words in my heart to come out of my mouth?"
I took a deep breath as I held the audience's attention.
"I loved someone and for some reason... they slipped right through my fingers. I tried so hard to keep them, to shield them, to protect them from my world... But I guess I failed... So in a sense... these are the words... I never could say."
I typed in the song I was looking for and took another deep breath as the beat slowly started to sound. Trying hard not to let the thought of her get to me or the faces of the crowd as they looked on... I began.
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face,
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh
It might have a different meaning to the person that originally sang it, but to me, it represented our relationship to a tee... minus certain parts. I mentally shook my head as I tried to concentrate on my singing.
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
I felt like I literally poured my heart into the lyrics. Like I was the one writing the song instead of Christina.
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
Ohh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
I couldn't stop the trembling in my voice or the stray tears that slipped down my face. All the words were true and I felt my heart breaking all over again.
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh
I needed her so badly... I needed to see her face. I wanted to hold her, to touch her, to kiss her. To tell her how much I loved her, how badly I missed her, how I craved to be near her every single day.
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
I reopened my eyes for the first time since starting to sing and they somehow automatically travelled to a particular spot at the entrance of the main door. I almost stopped singing as I thought my eyes were playing a trick on me.
This must be a dream! There is no way in hell that the love of my life... the person I spent months looking for, was just standing at the entrance, looking back at me.
Even though I was trying to understand if she was real or just a desperate plea from my mind, I never stopped singing... I never broke eye contact either but... hmm.
She was clad in a simple sapphire dress that highlighted all the right curves and there was a hint of a smile at the side of her mouth as she stared back at me... please tell me I'm not dreaming.
I slowly came to the end of the song.
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away
It's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I knew I had given it my all and from the loud applauds and the tear stained eyes... it had its intended effect.
I wasted no time in running off the make shift stage after the girl that was slowly started to make her way out the too packed club.
~
The song in this chapter is really bomb ass. It's hurt by my girl Christina so you should def take a listen. Tell me what you think of this chapter and leave some love ?.
- Writer
