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1292 Words
If I could see my younger self I would say 'remind me how I used to be and take me back to that place'.
-A. E
Jane
-
"Must you always smoke?"
"Smoking is better than drinking."
"You were drunk tonight."
"I still am."
"So why must you do both."
"Smoking calms me."
"And drinking? What does that do?"
"I guess... I needed an extra push."
I watched as Darcy closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, the alcohol in her system from earlier still evident. "You know it'll be the death of you?"
"You'll be the death of me."
I rolled my eyes at Darcy's lame statement but couldn't help the smile that sneaked across my face as she pulled me in for a kiss. It was slow and lingering and my body morphed perfectly into hers as I wrapped my hands around her neck. We had ended up in the back of an abandoned tundra after our heated session and I involuntarily shivered from the cold breeze hitting against my skin. Our clothing was still lying next to us and I giggled when Darcy trailed a circle around one of my sensitive tips.
"Are you staying?"
"Hmm?" I murmured as her nose nuzzled my neck.
"Are you staying?"
"Well, I have Carrie's wedding to attend tomorrow so even if I couldn't, I'd still have too."
"Oh."
"Are you going?"
"Am, Carr and I... well, we're no longer friends."
"What?"
I turned towards her, a shocked expression on my face. "She never mentioned anything to me."
"Why would she?"
"What do you mean? She's my cousin you're my..."
My voice trailed off at that point and I don't miss the way Darcy's eyes are glued to my every expression. Was I seriously about to say girlfriend?
I knew, given the circumstances, that we'd broken up. It'd been too long apart for us to still be together but we never really had an agreement to break up so maybe she was still...
"I'm your what?" Darcy asks, cutting into my thoughts and bringing me to the now.
I averted her gaze and looked at my watch; the only thing on my body. "It's really late and I should be heading back."
"Jane..."
Darce stops mid statement as I scrambled over her, grabbing my clothing in the process and hurriedly getting ready. She sits up and silently stares at me and I can't stop the wave of guilt that takes over.
"Just come to the wedding." I plead as I lean in to gently kiss her.
"I can't."
"Then I guess I'll see you after."
I start to walk away but Darce is off the truck in a flash and pulling me into her.
"Are you not gonna give me a way to reach you?"
"Darce-"
Her mouth cuts off the last of my statement as she hungrily kisses me and against my better judgement, I morph against her. She's still naked and I feel the hardness of her tips rubbing against my dress as she runs her hands along my sides and back. My hands sneak around her neck as we both deepen the kiss and I moaned into her mouth as she once more slipped her fingers into my underwear, cupping my bare ass.
"Spend the night with me." She whispers and I'm tempted to do just that.
"Darce... I can't."
She stops her torture on my neck to look at me and I avoid her hurt gaze.
"I haven't seen you in months J. I couldn't contact you, I couldn't find you. No one knew where you were or if you were okay. I drove myself crazy thinking I should have done more to keep you here... but I didn't. Now that I have you, do you really expect me to let you go?"
"Darce, it's been too long... times have changed. Of course I still care about you and it really wasn't your fault. I needed time to come to terms with everything and I'm truly sorry for leaving like I did..."
"But." She cut in, a sad expression on her beautiful chocolate features.
"I thought you'd move on by now." I stated quietly.
"You have someone?"
"I-"
"And you let me believe you didn't."
"Darce-"
"You let me think I'd gotten you back..." She paused for a second to look at me. "You let me make love to you. Gosh Jane you're a really sick person."
"Darce-"
"Go!" The rough sound of her voice was enough to silence me and I turned hurt filled eyes to stare at her.
"I never want to see or hear from you again."
I took a tentative step towards her but the look on her face had me changing the direction of my feet. Sighing deeply, I tried not to let the hot tears burning the back of my eyes out as I quickly headed towards my rental car.
I was home no sooner and as I shut off the engine I didn't stop the hot over pour of emotions that took over. I buried my face in my hands as the tears increased and even when I heard my passenger side door open and a pair of strong familiar hands encircle me, I didn't stop.
We must have stayed like this for hours before I finally calmed down and I looked up into the concerned brown eyes of Andy.
"Babe, are you okay?"
I shook my head before burying myself into the crock of his neck.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly and I was almost tempted to cry again.
How could I tell him that I slept with my ex? Or at least a girl who was supposed to be my ex but wasn't really because we never broke up... he would be crushed and I could never do that to him, not after everything he'd done for me... not after everything we'd been through.
"I'm fine." I lied smoothly but I could tell he didn't believe me.
I heard him take a deep breath before releasing and his hold thightened.
"Baby take your time. I've told you time and time again that I'm always here to listen. I won't force you to open up to me and I definitely won't hold anything against you. I love you okay. You know that."
"I love you too." I responded softly, pulling his worried face down so I could kiss him.
We soon headed into the too crowded house and as I suspected, no one was asleep.
"Well look who's back home." My mom stated smiling and I had the sudden urge to roll my eyes.
"I'm tired so I'm just gonna head to bed."
My voice held a little edge to it that both Andy and my mom noticed but I couldn't care less. She could pretend that she loved and cared for me but I knew the truth. She's only happy because I was dating Andy, a guy.
I pushed past her and headed to my old room, Andy at my heels.
"Did you really have to be so mean to your mom?"
"I wasn't being mean, I am tired." I snapped, but then closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Look, babe, I'm just gonna head in the shower real quick and then take a nice long nap, could we keep this conversation for the morn?"
He sighed deeply but nodded and I headed into the bathroom. The last thing I needed was another fight. I quickly took a shower and changed into my night attire before climbing into bed, Andy already fast asleep. I cuddled closer to him, pulling his strong arms around me before closing my eyes and trying to get some much needed sleep.
- Writer
