Sycamore, Stars and the Air Between

PART V

Voices fan out around me, behind me, dominating my senses. I make my way back upstairs, suddenly the thumping music and low ceilings a turn off. Fanning myself I lean back onto one of the plush couches. The cold of the leather tickles my arms and I relax back into it.

People still trickle in through the doors despite the hour. I give a few classmates halfhearted waves but can't bring myself to get up and say hi.

I feel bad. Not the naughty, give-it-to-me-hard bad, the I'm-a-shitty-person bad. Caleb's right. I did throw myself at a taken man. Regardless of my feelings towards his girlfriend, she didn't deserve to be ignored. No girl deserved it. I'm pathetic.

And Ace! Or Kellan or whoever the f**k he decided to be. The way he manages to stay in my thoughts, the taste of him, the feel of his body pressed against mine, his hands tight on my hips. I had wanted him. And he said no.

Not like this.

Not like what?

Did he not like when girls willingly threw themselves at him or was it just me that he said no to? The nickname Ace told me the latter was most likely the case.

I'm shitty and so are the guys I like. No. Not fair. Christian didn't do anything wrong. Just because he didn't mention having a girlfriend to me didn't make him a scumbag.

I think I might be sick. Leaning forward, I put my head between my knees, inhaling through my nose, exhaling through my mouth.

"Whoa. Are you okay? If you're going to vomit could you at least go outside?" The leather beside me dips under new weight, drawing me closer to the center.

I sit up and look at my visitor. Blonde, he wears it long, wavy to his shoulders, eyes a bubbling blue. "I'm not drunk, just f****d up." The words come out of me harshly.

"Pills?" He asks casually. No judgment.

"I wish." I choke out a laugh.

"Tell me about it."

I look him up and down. What's his game? He looks too sweet to be Ace, too sour for a Christian match. "About what?"

"About how f****d up you are." He says it like it's obvious, like laying out all your flaws to strangers is commonplace.

"Why?"

A shrug. "Because I want to see if you're f****d up matches mine. I'll show you mine if you show me yours." A twinkle in his eye, a curve in his lips.

Despite everything, despite the horrid thoughts, the sinister feelings, I laugh. Light, no more than a chuckle. "I'm Ashley."

We shake clammy hands. "Tyler. Get to it, show me your scars."

I smile. "You really want to hear it?" A nod. "Get ready to run." He leans in closer, eager. "Last night I tried f*****g my little brother's best friend and today I hit on my last hook up full well knowing he had a girlfriend."

A slow nod follows a thick silence. "How little is the brother?"

"He's a freshman."

"Well, that's not so bad! I thought you were talking about f*****g some 16-year-old who just learned to drive. Wait, did you say tried? He didn't put out? Is he blind?"

I laugh hoping my blush is covered in the dim lighting. "He didn't like my f****d up."

Tyler leans in closer. "His loss is my gain." A charming smile.

"Your turn." I deflect, pulling a knee up on the couch to better face him.

"I graduated last year and I'm still attending these f*****g frat parties looking for a girl." He points to two girls coming up the stairs, giggling and hanging off each other their dresses hiked up on their thighs. "What am I thinking?"

"That's not so bad." I parrot to him. "You're just lonely." Quieter, in a daze I mumble, "I am too."

The space between us evaporates as he pushes a hand through my hair, his eyes drift from mine to my lips. A silent question, I nod and push into him letting our lips brush.

"Let go of her." Nates roars, leaving the room to shake and vibrate. Tyler jumps back at the interruption. Ever defiant, I scoot closer into my new companion, running a rebellious hand over his thigh.

Nate reaches down grabbing my arm and yanks me off the couch. "That's my sister you're feeling up." He spits the words like venom and then bares his teeth.

Without looking he passes me over to Kellan who wraps me up in two protective arms. I want to laugh at it all.

So I do.

A weak chuckle turns into a reverberating laugh. Kellan's arm loosens and my laugh grows louder as a tear streaks my cheek. If only Nate knew I really needed protection from the friend he shoved me into. The thought squeezes me.

"Why are you laughing?" Nate asks still fuming, still leaning over Tyler on the couch.

"Because you're ridiculous. My baby brother, who I haven't seen in three years, is not going to interfere with my love life."

"Ash - " Nate begins, his hands turning palm up, begging. I push off Kellan's muscled chest and instead of reclaiming my seat on the couch, I let myself fall in Tyler's lap. He stays rigid under the pledges glare, hands still at his sides.

My self-loathing thoughts fade as anger takes command of my mouth. "Absolutely unacceptable Nathan Severs. Whatever authority you think you have over me does not exist. Leave before I get Christian to make you leave."

"We can't." Kellan's voice grinds out. "We're pledges." He adds in way of explanation. I face him, his eyes wild and raging, a juxtaposition to his cool, calm stance.

"Fine. I'm not unreasonable, I'll leave." I stand and swing a hand out behind me, looking straight at Kellan my tone turns sweet, "Walk me home Tyler?"

"Hell yeah." Unable to read social cues or simply not caring about them, Tyler jumps up, taking my hand, his arm working around my shoulders.

"Gentlemen." He nods as we pass.