Death of a Suitor

Chapter One

Chapter One

IT WAS 3:30 IN THE morning and Myrtle and Miles were drinking coffee and quietly working on their puzzles. Pasha, Myrtle’s feral cat companion, was leisurely taking a bath.

Myrtle glanced over at Miles and said in something of a pointed tone, “Isn’t this nice? The two of us? Quiet?”

Miles gave her a weary look. “Don’t say it.”

“Of course I’m going to say it. I need to point out how very nice it is to be having some quiet time together without a particular someone barging in with a bunch of foolishness.”

Which was precisely the moment the doorbell rang.

Myrtle scowled.

Miles stood up to get the door and Myrtle hissed at him, “Let’s not answer it.”

“She’ll realize we’re avoiding her,” said Miles in a reasonable tone.

“Maybe she’ll think we nodded off doing our puzzles,” suggested Myrtle.

Miles shook his head and walked over to the door as Myrtle heaved a sigh. Pasha looked up from her bath and narrowed her eyes at the door.

“We don’t want her here, do we Pasha?” asked Myrtle.

Pasha swished her tail in agreement and continued staring at the door with a rather violent expression in her eyes.

Miles opened the door and a woman about sixty years old, wearing a cheerful expression stood there. “Hi all!” she said brightly.

Pasha let out a moaning growl, hair standing up on her back. Myrtle understood the feeling.

The woman gave Miles a peck on the cheek and then beamed at Myrtle. She said in a loud voice, “Are you getting your puzzle done?”

The woman, Eloise, was convinced Myrtle was deaf although Myrtle had excellent hearing. It was yet another reason to dislike Eloise, among the legions.

“Naturally,” said Myrtle coolly. “Excuse me for a moment. I should feed Pasha.”

Pasha did not, actually, require feeding. But Myrtle needed time away from Eloise and she suspected the black cat did, too. Although, if Pasha were to pounce on Eloise, it might make Eloise stay away.

Eloise cried out, startling Pasha, who reared her back up in response. “Oh, I forgot! I brought a present for Pasha. Let me dig it out.”

Pasha watched Eloise suspiciously as she rummaged through a purse spotted with polka dots.

“Here you are,” she trilled. She awkwardly held a small toy out for the cat, who regarding it disdainfully.

“I’ll just put it on the floor, then,” she said. “It’s filled with catnip.”

“Oh gosh,” said Miles slowly.

“Catnip tends to enrage Pasha,” said Myrtle. “The poor darling.”

Sure enough, Pasha leapt on top of the cat toy, pummeling it. She ripped at the cloth with her teeth until the insides came out and there was catnip scattered all over the floor. Then Pasha rolled around in the catnip, her black fur covered in it.

Myrtle gritted her teeth.

Eloise said with a halting laugh. “Goodness. Well, I sure am sorry about that. I didn’t realize cat toys had a psychological effect on Pasha.”

“She’s not like other cats.” Myrtle realized she should try and be nice. Sometimes, it was very challenging to be nice, especially when others continued making errors in judgement. Like coming over in the middle of the night to interrupt a very nice, quiet time between friends. “Thanks for the gift, though. That was kind of you.”

Miles gave her a small smile at the effort.

“I’ll clean the mess up,” Eloise quickly offered.

“No worries. I can manage in a little while.”

Myrtle walked away to feed Pasha.

“What are y’all doing?” asked Eloise in a bright voice.

Miles cleared his throat. “We were working on puzzles, actually.”

“Oh, I like doing puzzles,” said Eloise cheerfully. “Where are the puzzle pieces?”

Myrtle gave a grim smile in the kitchen, rolling her eyes as she got out some canned food for Pasha.

Miles said carefully, “It’s not that kind of puzzle. Myrtle was working on a crossword and I was working on a sudoku.”

Eloise’s voice was disappointed. “Oh. Hm. I’m not as good at those types of puzzles. I can do the puzzles where you mark what’s different in one picture than the other one, though.”

Miles said, “Unfortunately, that type of puzzle is on the same page as Myrtle’s crossword.”

Myrtle was certainly not going to sacrifice her crossword time to Eloise so that she could mark differences in two illustrations.

Eloise looked crestfallen. Then she brightened. “I know! We can watch television.”

A muscle in Myrtle’s temple started throbbing.

Miles said in a gentle voice, “There’s not much on at this hour. There’s mostly just infomercials and things.”

“Myrtle?” called Eloise, who was apparently determined to ensure that something was played on the television. “Did you tape the latest Tomorrow’s Promise?”

She had her there. Eloise knew that Myrtle taped her soap opera every day. Myrtle sighed and then said in a rather forced tone, “Yes, I have yesterday’s episode. Miles and I were planning on watching it during lunch later today.” The last was said in a fairly pointed manner.

“Let’s watch it now! Won’t that be fun? The three of us watching our favorite soap? I keep wondering if Zack and Feline are going to finally get together. I mean, they write arguments between those two, but the tension between them is electric!”

Without getting an affirmative, Eloise plopped down in Myrtle’s chair, grabbed the remote, and fiddled with it until the show came up. Myrtle’s teeth gritting moved into gnashing territory.

Lest she miss any of the show, Myrtle hurried back into the room and plopped down next to Miles on the sofa. He gave her a wordless apology with his eyes and Myrtle gave him a tight smile.

Eloise yawned and maneuvered the recliner until she could put her feet up. “Yeah, I don’t like this storyline as much . . . the whole Peter-can’t-find-employment thing.”

The Peter storyline was actually one of Myrtle’s favorites. She scowled at the television, trying to listen as Eloise continued prattling on about how Zack and Feline were really soulmates and needed to spend their lives together.

Finally, unable to hear as Peter was at yet another likely ill-fated job interview, Myrtle snapped. “If you don’t want to listen, Eloise, please hightail it back home.”

Miles hid a smile. Eloise put her hand up to her mouth and made a zipping motion. “I’m zipping my lips,” she said, unnecessarily.

Pasha, done with her food, skulked into the room again, staring fixedly at Eloise as if watching prey. Eloise did her best not to notice and stay focused on the show.

By the time the Peter scene was over with, there was a jarring, grating, gasping sound that made Myrtle jump. She saw Eloise was lying back in the recliner, mouth slack and snoring loudly.

“For heaven’s sake,” grouched Myrtle. She took the remote and stopped the show. She said to Miles, “You and I can watch this when we wanted to—today at lunch.”

Miles looked over at Eloise and sighed. Myrtle said, “Come on—we’re going for a walk.”

“It’s four o’clock in the morning,” said Miles.

“Which is an absolutely fantastic time of day to go down to the dock, sit in the rockers, and look out over the lake.”

So Miles followed Myrtle through her backyard and down the hill to the dock. There was a boat there that Myrtle had long ago gifted to Red, but which still stayed at her dock since Red’s house across the street wasn’t on the water. There were two rocking chairs on the dock and Myrtle and Miles sat down. The moon was almost full and shone on the dark water. Crickets were chirping around them and there was a chorus of frogs off in the distance. Myrtle gave a happy sigh.

Miles said, “Sorry about the interruption to our puzzle time. Eloise apparently thinks she’s developing a friendship with you.”

Myrtle now made an unhappy sigh. “Just because you and Eloise are going out together, that’s no reason she and I need to be friends. I suspect we don’t have much in common.”

Miles considered this. “You both like chocolate chip cookies.”

“That’s hardly the basis for a relationship.”

Miles said, “I agree that you don’t have a lot in common. Honestly, I’ve not found much in common with Eloise, either.”

“As I said before, she chased you and chased you and you eventually gave up. I think you ran out of steam, not in love.” Myrtle added, “And Pasha can’t stand her.”

Miles said dryly, “Well, I’ll have to break up with Eloise posthaste then.”

“Pasha has excellent judgement.”

They rocked in silence for a minute or so, watching the water ripple in the light of the moon.

“Does she read?” asked Myrtle briskly, trying to find some redeeming value in the errant Eloise.

“She knows how to read.”

“Yes, but does she read for pleasure?” asked Myrtle impatiently.

“No. That’s another thing we don’t have in common. I wanted her to try one of my favorite books and I genuinely think she was horrified by the suggestion.”

“Was it Absolom, Absolom!? Because Faulkner can be tricky, you know. It might not have been the best pick for someone who doesn’t have an established reading habit.”

“You know I wouldn’t foist Faulkner on a novice. No, I tried to interest her in On the Beach.”

Myrtle said, “Oh, a cheerful dystopian tale. On the upside, it’s short and definitely readable. I used to assign it to my high school students, so it shouldn’t have been too much of a problem for her to tackle.”

“That’s what I thought,” said Miles morosely.

They were silent again, listening as the frogs’ croaks reached a crescendo.

Myrtle said, “I can add other items to the litany of things that are wrong with Eloise.”

“I thought we weren’t counting things that were wrong with Eloise. I thought we were cataloging ways she and I are different.”

“Yes, but differences are things that are wrong with her. She didn’t like Peter’s storyline in Tomorrow’s Promise. That was annoying.”

“But she does watch the same show that we do, so that’s technically not a difference,” said Miles.

Myrtle said darkly, “I have the feeling she’s not a longtime Tomorrow’s Promise viewer. I mentioned the Denise Playford storyline from five years ago and she gave me the blankest look I’ve ever seen. Actually, she gives me that particular look quite a bit.”

Miles said, “I’m not disagreeing with you. I’m simply trying to figure out the best way to handle backing out of the relationship. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. And she’s gone out of her way to be nice to both of us.”

“By being obsequious.”

“Now, Myrtle.”

Myrtle said, “I know, I know. She doesn’t deserve a mean breakup. There should be a fairly easy way to handle it. I’ll ruminate on it. Now what are we going to do about Sleeping Beauty in there?”

“I could slip back in and bring our puzzles out here. The moon is pretty bright.”

Myrtle looked leery. “That might wake her up. Then she’d want to join us on the dock.”

“Actually, she wouldn’t. She swore me to secrecy, but I suppose it’s all right if I tell just you. Eloise can’t swim and it makes her very nervous to be close to the lake.”

Myrtle said, “It’s very odd to live in a town with a massive lake and not sign up for swim lessons. But I’m glad you told me. I foresee many evenings on the dock, you and I. Oh, when you go up, I have a booklight in my bedside table. I have no idea why Red gave it to me—it’s not like I’m going to disturb anyone if I turn on a lamp when I can’t sleep.”

Miles headed back into the house and quickly came back. “She’s gone.”

“Gone? As in . . . disappeared?”

“Well, I don’t believe she disappeared, but she definitely left.” Miles looked uncomfortable. “Do you suppose she was upset when she woke up and we weren’t there?”

“If she had a lick of sense, and I’m not positive she does, she’d have woken up, realized she’d fallen asleep and needed to go to bed, and left for home.”

Miles said, “But what if she didn’t have a lick of sense?”

Myrtle folded her hands in her lap. “Perhaps a masked intruder came in and spirited her away. Better her than me, of course.”

Miles, at the mention of a masked intruder, had already pulled out his phone. “Eloise? Hi there. Did you make it home all right?”

There was apparently a confirmation on the other end.

Miles said, “I’m sorry Myrtle and I left. We figured having the television on might disturb you so we walked down to the dock to let you sleep.”

Myrtle rolled her eyes at this fabrication on Miles’s part. They’d simply wanted to escape Eloise’s presence, even if she was sleeping.

“All right. So I’ll see you tomorrow sometime? Good.”

Myrtle gave him a fierce look and shook her head.

“Okay, well, sleep tight.” Miles hung up.

“That’s not exactly the textbook approach for breaking up with someone.”

Miles said with a sigh, “I’m hoping that I’ll be able to find a good method on the internet.”

“I can only imagine the suggestions you’ll find online. Shall we go inside and finish our puzzles?”

And so they did. And enjoyed milk and cookies while they worked them.