MEN OF OLYMPUS: APOLLO

CHOCOLATE, CREAM AND SUGAR

“Seven- thirty pm.” I uttered under my breath, after I glance at the huge vintage clock on the living room of my house, here on the island where I’m living.

Ilang saglit na lang ay darating na ang sundo kong chopper na magdadala sa akin sa lungsod. Just a couple of days ago after that Hermes emotional outburst, I already decided he is right. That I needed to get out of this safe zone that I’ve made from myself. I can’t deny to myself every time, that I’m just running in circles for nothing. I didn’t heal even myself. It just creates a deeper cut than what was already made. Parang binudburan ko lang ng asin ang dumudugo kong suga.

Of course, everything Hermes said has made sense. Hindi ko naman habang buhay na dapat ikulong ang sarili ko sa lungga ito.

Yes, the island is great. Far from the pollution and the toxicity of the urban land has to offer. Blinding the people from its light that, that place is best you can have. Ngunit mas lalo ko lang pahihirapan ang sarili ko kung itatambak ko lang ang sarili ko sa lungkot na pinagdadaanan ko. Is true that I am in pain, I will never deny that to myself and the people that surround me. Yet again is not good that I self-pity and always play the victim card even though for the most part I am. There are things that I might have done to be an end to this, though nobody even myself deserves to get through this hell hole. And I will never be healed if I never cut cords with the past that doesn’t serve anymore. Though it is gonna be hard and painful.

Malalim akong huminga at maya-maya lang ay may narinig na akong ingay na nanggaling sa bandang taas. The chopper is here. I have to wear my big man suite again now and move forward.

Naghintay muna ako ng ilang minuto bago ako lumabas ng bahay. And just on the dock the helicopter that has the capital letter HC embarked on it, that only means Hermes Castellano.

Sakto naman na nakababa na ang escort na pinadala sa akin ni Hermes.

“Good evening Mr. Apollo Castellano, are you ready to go.” Bati at tanong nito sa akin.

Tinanguan ko muna ito “Yes, I’m ready.”

After that, he quickly guides me onto the helicopter and helps me open the door so I can get in. When finally seated in and the buckles are connected to each other and lastly the headset was on. I signal to the pilot that I’m ready to fly. Again.

Halos mahigit trenta minutos din ang ginugol namin sa himpapawid bago ko matanaw ang buiding kung saan kami lalapag. The building that we are taking off is the head building of the architecture and construction firm of my other brother Hephaestus. The building the tallest building in the Philippines that contains 77 floors in a total of 418 meters. Isama pa dito ang viewing deck nito na nakatapat sa Manila Bay, at syempre ang helipad.

It feels surreal that I finally back here and I’m seeing these skylines again. I cannot analyze what I’m feeling right now, but one thing that I’m sure of is I’m very nervous. I think one of my brothers will laugh at me right now. I just grunt in dismay at that thought.

I raised my hand to face and feel the line of my scar onto it. I’m not afraid of people seeing me like this, dahil matagal ko nang tanggap ang nangyari sa aking mukha, I can make them fix. But I insisted no because eventually this makes me appreciate and feel how strong and brave I am. I can say that the scar on my body can go but what’s inside doesn’t work that way.

 That’s why there is no turning back, I’m finally on the road of truly healing myself from the past and for everything that needed to be heal and this is my very first step to that bumpy road.

When we finally land, mabilis akong ines-skortan ng mga security na tinoka sa akin. The building has still some employees on it that taking their overtime. And it comes right up to me the feeling of the passion that they are feeling right now. That once upon a time, I’m just like them full of passion for my craft, for living. Though I know it might take a while to felt that kind of rush again.

Mabilis kaming bumaba sa basement parking kung saan naroon ang kotse magdadala sa akin sa bar kung saan doon napag-usapan darausin ang kaarawan ni Hermes.

As we are getting closer to the 2021 Mercedes-Benz GLB 250 escort car, I feel suddenly momentarily fear. It suddenly hits me, the past. I suddenly stop when it is only just a couple of step away from the car and the security that escorted me also just stop. And I can feel their question on their stares, but they are just good and professional to say nothing and put a straight face.

Looking onto the vehicle I close my eyes trying to clear, the tangled wires into my brain.

That is not where you are right now Apollo. You are safe and protected. And your brothers are waiting for you.

I breathe in and breathe out to calm my self and a couple of minutes pass by the time that I starting to feel the easiness on my breathing. And the rapid beating of my heart comes back to normal.

Not minding the security, pagkatapos kong masiguro na kalmado na ako ay agad na akong humakbang papalapit muli sa sasakyan. Na dagli namang binuksan ng nakaabang na security.

Nang makapasok na ako sa loob at secure ko na ang pagkaka-upo ko pumasok na rin sa loob ang tatlong pangsecurity. Isa sa may driver seat, ang isa naman ay katabi nito sa unahan at ang huli naman ay nasa tabi ko. Although I’m crowded by their presence ay binaliwa ko na lang. Para din ito sa kaligtasan ko.

The drive to the bar is smooth as it is seen. All throughout the ride my eyes just roaming outside the car.

All the flashing lights, from the building, billboard, and vehicles. Kakaunti na lang rin ang makikita mong halaman ang iba pa ay parang basta na lang inilagay sa bangketa o may road island ng kalsada, para lang ba masabing may vegetation. Ngunit halata namang hindi napagtutuunan ng mgapansin ito. Dahil narin sa parang mga walang buhay nialang kulay at ibang mga bahagi ng halaman ay lanta na, pagkatapos ay puno pa ng alikabok.

Napahinga na lamang ako ng malalim, this view makes me feel that I am missing the island, not the comfort that I’ve created for myself but the true comfort of the place that gives me the calmness I really needed. That the mother earth can only give.

Inabot rin ng mahigit kalahating oras ang biyehe dahil na rin sa traffic. Mula kung saan nag-landing ang helicopter na nagdala sa akin dito sa lungsod, papunta sa bar na kung saan daw dadausin ang kaarawan ng pang-apat sa anim kong mga kaptid.

Nothing has change even three years na ang dumaan. Yes, some buildings have risen in the span of three years from now. Some have vanished, but the vibe and the whole fiasco of the city are still intact. The pollution is still building more and more through its worst situation.

Nang nakarating na kami at nagawa naring i-park ang sasakyan ay agaran naman akong pinagbuksan ng pinto ng isa sa mga body guards na ibinigay sa kin ng aking mga kapatid.

At last, when I made it out, sumalubong sa akin ang pinagsamang ingay ng mga sasakyan sa kalsada, mga taong nagku-kwentuhan at nagtatawanan, ganoon na rin ang ingay ng iba’t ibang club at bars na nakahilera na makikita dito sa bandang parte nitong lungsod.

When I raised my head and read the name of the bar and it said Lucid Dream Bar and Gastro Pub.

“Like what my brother said,” I uttered to myself.

While I start to walk through the entrance people start to notice me, a couple of staring eyes staring at me with shock.  I will never blame them for my face scarred and horrible to look at. And I know that they see it though I never tried to cover it. Tatlong taon na akong nagtago, tatlong taon ko ng kinubli ang sarili ko sa mga matang gaya nila. So, it is what it is. It tells to myself.

Binilisan ko na lang ang paglalakad gayun din ang lakad ng mga body guard na nakatoka sa kin.

When I finally get through the door the other bodyguard quickly out walks me and binulungan ang bouncer na nagbabantay sa may entrance. Only seconds have passed, and it quickly signs to me that I’m good to go inside.

I go inside not minding what the guards said to each other. At nang pakapasok na ako ay bumulaga sa akin ang mga taong casual lang nag-iinuman at ineenjoy ang gabi sa kani-kanilang table. While there is a live band on the stage.

“Mr. Apollo, sir this is the way to the lounge kung nasaan ang iyong mga kapatid.” Narinig kong muwestra sa akin ng isa mga security na aking kasama.

Nilingon ko ito at tinanguan. “Lead the way,” I said. Still, my face is void of any emotions

Nauna na naglakad ang isa sa kanila para i-lead ako kung saan ang kinauupuan ng aking mga kapatid. Every now then di ko mapigilan ang mga taong tumingin sa akin yung iba naguguluhan, yung iba naman di makaguhit ang disgusto sa aking mukha. But there is also a lot of them that I don’t mind who went by or pass by at them and minding there on business. And that is what I’m doing right now, minding my f*cking own business.

Ilang hakbang din ang binilang bago ko naulinigan ang kinaroroonan ng mga magagaling kong kapatid. Where they are is on the mezzanine of the bar, that you can overlook the view from here. I take the stairs that will lead me to them. And when the view of them is much clearer, I saw them having fun.

And the truth I feel some pang of pain and regret on my chest. Tatlong taon ko rin etong hindi nagawa at pinagkait sa aking sarili. Tatlong taon ko rin na di nakasama ng buo at matagal ang aking mga kapatid.

Yes, we are not biological siblings though we are bond to be brothers by the love of someone. And that bond creates a beautiful brotherhood that we have.

Ilang hakbang pa ang aking tinahak  noong may nakapansin na sa akin at walang iba kundi ang nag-iisang birthday boy.

“F*cking sh*t!” Namamanghang tumayo ito sa kanyang kinauupuan na para bang nakakita ng aparisyon at agarang ibinaba ang basong may siguradong ang alam ay ang paborito nitong whisky at pagkatapos ay dagli akong sinalubong nito.

At that moment all of my brothers risen upon their sits. And their eyes are glued to me.

Agaran naman akong dinamba ng yakap ni Hermes na may kasama pang hampas sa may aking likuran.

“F*cking sh*t, kala ko hindi gagana yung drama ko noong nakaraang araw.” Natatawang sabi nito habang sa wakas ay lumayo na rin ito sa akin. I feel the slightest pain in my back because of what he did.

“F*ck you bakit kailangan mo pa akong hampasin.” Naiinis kong sambit dito. Ngunit ang isa ay tinawanan lamang ako.

“Pinagbigyan na kita baka kasi sa susunod ay ngumawa kana, wala naman akong ipapa-“

Hindi ko natapos kung ano pa man ang sasabihin ko, ng saba- sabay na akong dinamba ng dalawa pa sa mga kapatid ko na si Dionysus at Ares. Ang masaklap pa rito ay ginaya rin nila kung paano ako niyakap ng walang hiyang si Hermes. Pare-pareho nilang hinampas ang aking likuran habang niyayakap ako.

“Welcome back big brother.” Nasisiyahang bati ni Dionysus sa akin.

“Welcome back araw.” Sabi ni Ares, kasama ang pangalan na laging pang-asar nito sa akin mag-mula nung nalaman nito ang meaning ng pangalan ko.

“Ahhgrgh… you dummest get out me!” I hissed to them when a couple of minutes ay hindi parin nila ako tinatantanan.

“They just miss you, my dear brother.” I hear my eldest brother Hades said, at pagkatapos ang lumapit na rin ang mga ito kasama si Hephaestus at walang pasabing binuhat ako. Classic Hephaestus… Classic.

Hati talaga kaming magkakapatid, ang kalahati which consists of me Hephaestus and Hades are the chill group while the other half is the I don’t know when I’m gonna chill group sort to speak. And that consists of Hermes their leader with Dionysus and Ares the followers.

I just laugh at my mind just thinking by that. And I love everything about it. And when all the drama has been loosen up ay umupo na rin kami sa mahabang sofa nan aka-reserve lang para sa aming anim. At kakaupo palang ay bumanat ng muli ang banal kong kapatid na si Hermes.

“Bago magkimutan mga kapatid where is my present?” ungot nito sa amin.

Mabilis na nagkatinginan kaming lima at sabay-sabay na nagsabi.

“My presence,” I spoke, just a matter of fact.

“My patience.” I hear Hephaestus said.

“Nothing.” Malalim na boses na sabi ngi Kuya Hades.

“My time.” Natatawang sabi ni Ares.

“My place.” Dionysus said, na sya lang yata ang may tunay na regalo sa aming lima.

“Anong kwenta kayong mga kapatid, tinuringan pa naman kayong mga bilyonaryo pero wala kayong dalang o nabili man kahit anong regalo sa akin.” Madramang outburst nito sa amin.

Na ikina-tawa lang nina Dionysus at Ares while me and the remaining others just shrugged it off.

Madami pa itong mga sinabi ngunit ako at ang dalawa kong kapatid na sina kuya Hades at Hephaestus ay ininom na lang ang mga alak na nakalatg sa amin. Mine is the Four Roses Kentucky bourbon, with a pleasant spicy note and a smooth finish.

At ang natira namang dalawa ay sinulsulad lang ang pag-iinarte nung huli.That is not our Hermes if he is not being such a drama queen.

“Hayaan muna kapatid. Mag-party na lang tayo buong magdamag. Drinks to me all night” Pangkunswelo kunwari ni Dionysus kay Hermes.

“But the interest will be charged on the bank account of every single one of you.” We just groan for our deep annoyance at what our dear brother has said. Na ikinahalkhak lang ng tinamaan ng magaling na si Dionysus.

Moment pass we catch by on everyone’s doing in their life right now. There is Hephaestus who has just venture more on the green energy and less carbon footprint on his designed structure. Dionysus just released another one of his creations and that is the Unicorn Marshmallow Gin Liqueur. Yes, it is a mouthful to say, but I’m so proud of our youngest brother for truly embracing his passion for making different funky alcohol drinks and building a lot of club and gastro bars not just here in the country but also around the globe.

Hermes also doing great on its shipment and courier company, his company is the biggest courier and shipment company across Asia and slowly making its name in the western part of the globe. While Ares on the other hand is now gearing up on the coming election, tatakbo na kasi ito ng Mayor ng lungsod ng Maynila matapos ang termino nito sa pagiging isang konsehal. And yes, he is the only one who is natural- born Filipino among the six of us. And lastly, but definitely not the least, Kuya Hades is just a straight badass on the court and a cunning businessman.

Naguumapaw ang puso ko sa galak na sa wakas ay nagkasama-sama kaming ulit lahat. And I’m very proud of their achievement and their story gave me more courage to get-go and heal myself. Dumaan pa ang mahabang minute at ilang beses narin nagpabalik-balik ang waitress na nagse-serve sa amin ng inumin at pagkain.

Then suddenly the host of the night just welcome someone on stage. Another performer. I said to my mind. The ambiance of the whole place is great and the performance that I’ve watched I can say is entertaining. Makikita mo talagang binigyan ng pansin ang lahat ng detalye. That makes me even prouder para sa bunso naming kapatid. And also makes me missed more to perform on the stage and entertain the people. That I pray with god above that I can do again even if in these small places not what I left to. Where I usually sang on the 9face of thousand of people. Marahan kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata at dinamdam ang magandang emosyong bumabalot sa akin. I feel little by little my passion lighting up again.

And just by that, I wake up on the deep dive on my emotion as the host said the name of the next performer. “Let’s all welcome the one and only Gaia!” Gaia? What a peculiar and unique name to use as a stage name or it is not. Kasabay ng pagbigkay ng MC ang pangalan ng susunod na performer ganun ang hudyat na masigabong palakpakan ng mga manonood na halatang sabik na mapakingan itong kumanta.

Ngunit hindi ko napaghandaan ang naramdaman ko noong makita ko ang babaeng sumulpot sa entablado.

My mind goes wire ward when I see her. From her beautiful curly hair that goes down to her back, those chocolate eyes na mula rito sa aking kina-uupuan ay ramdam ko ang intensidad nito. Those pull lips that are succulent and I’m hype to take a taste of them. Her slim body and those legs that can go on and on. And especially the smooth and soft mocha skin that she has.

Who the f*ck she is? And why does she make me feel things that I don’t want to feel? I said to my mind.

Hindi pa ako nakaka-recover sa aking pagkabigla. When her chocolate intense eyes meet my cream ones.