How to Protect My Tyrant Alpha

03| Memories Crumble into a Mess

The long, sleepless night was real. Elaia lay on her bed and looked up at the high ceiling of her room. The comfort of her silky blanket and fluffy pillow could not lull her into dreamland. Her mind whirled endlessly, too many worries had robbed her of the rest of her confusing night.

"Tomorrow I will be taken to the kingdom of Bagaard..." she muttered to herself. Her breathing sounded heavy. "I used to look forward to this moment, but now that I know that life there won't be much better than here, it feels like I'm going to war."

She had wanted to leave so badly in the past because she was tired of being tortured and abused by her stepmother and the second prince who loved to torment her.

Elaia knew that in her previous life she had been a disregarded queen. In her husband's kingdom, she was just a showpiece, an ornament that was never invited to important gatherings. No one cared about her, let alone valued her opinion.

"Will this all happen again? Will I become an invisible shadow again? Whose voice fades into the air in vain?" Elaia wondered, "Will... Will I feel alone again?" her little heart whimpered. The looming fear made her chest tighten.

She closed her eyes, putting her hand to her forehead, then began to think clearly.

"No, I can't go on like this. I have to do something," her determination surfaced, replacing the fear for a moment.

Elaia rose from her bed and took slow but steady steps toward the desk in the corner of the room. She picked up the notebook and pencil lying on the table.

"There are still 3 years until the tragedy of the rebellion." He muttered, gripping the pen tightly.

In the dim of light of bed, she returned to her bed, sat back and opened the notebook using a pile of pillows as a table.

"All right, Elaia. Let's start over," she said to herself. But her hand didn't move.

'What should I write first?' she thought in frustration. Her brain felt frozen, and it made her memories of her past life crumble into a mess.

Damn it.

"Tomorrow I'm going to the kingdom of Bagaard. What the... Ah! Yes, on the way to the border I was almost poisoned. Then I survived because Rhystan managed to get herbs quickly..." Her small hands began to write down the events that would happen, at least in the near future.

Elaia looked down at her notes, "To avoid that, I will not accept food from a servant who has a wound under his eye." She said firmly.

She continued to write down everything she could remember. Feelings of sadness, disgust, and pain were mixed in with each stroke that Elaia poured out in the form of a warning as well as a reminder to continue to be careful.

"In my previous life, I was a queen who was not wanted by the werewolves there. They didn't like Rhystan either, they were scared of him because he was a tyrant. They never cared for my opinion, Rhystan's disregard for me encouraged them to look down on me." Her breath caught every time she remembered the disrespect Rhystan had shown her in her previous life.

Elaia took no notice.

"Of course, I will not be silent on this second chance. Just die again if you don't want to try to change, Elaia." In the end, Elaia also recorded her complaints about how cold Rhystan's attitude was with a little swearing as spice.

"I will no longer be a decoration. I will be a tempest to those who bothered and abused me in my previous life." Sentence after sentence flowed, describing the anger and sadness that had been isolated in her heart for years.

Elaia took a breath, controlling the emotions that were beginning to take over. "I will not let history repeat itself. I must be able to change my future without messing things up. I have to use everything I have to protect myself."

She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. The past could not be changed, that was what she had always believed. But here she was, with the chance to change everything.

"I can't run away, because this kingdom is at stake. Rhystan won't think twice about attacking this kingdom. The only way is to make him fed up and then divorce me, so I can leave, even if my father won't take me back, at least I won't die with the baby in my womb..." Elaia wrote as tears began to run down her cheeks.

***

Elaia gasped, then quickly got up from the bed as she heard footsteps approaching from outside the room.

'Who is it? There are never any servants or guards standing by for me, so- wait who?'

"Then excuse me, Your Majesty, have a good rest and... I will not disturb the newlyweds." Said someone from outside.

"Stop talking, just prepare the necessities for tomorrow's journey home."

Elaia stopped her steps as she was about to look out.

"That's Rhystan's voice!"

She ran quickly and jumped back onto the bed. Elaia tucked the notebook she had just written under her pillow and lay down, pretending to sleep.

"Why did he have to come back at all?!" Elaia grumbled as she pulled the blanket over her nose.

In the stillness of the night, the sound of the door opening and Rhystan's heavy footsteps approaching.

"Don't look here." Elaia whispered to herself, trying to keep her breathing regular.

Rhystan stopped beside the bed and looked at Elaia, who seemed to be asleep. Elaia could feel his piercing gaze, as if trying to break the layers of lies she was building.

"Go away, please go away," Elaia hoped in her heart, afraid of being caught in a lie.

Suddenly Elaia felt a soft touch on her face. Rhystan lowered the blanket that covering her face, slowly sliding it down until it reached her chest.

Elaia's body jerked slightly in surprise, though she tried to keep pretending to be asleep.

"You'll have trouble breathing sleeping like that." Rhystan said.

Rhystan looked at Elaia with an unpredictable gaze, as if there was something he wanted to say but was holding back. He knew Elaia was not asleep.

After a moment that felt like an eternity, he finally walked away, leaving Elaia who was still pretending to be asleep.

'I don't think she needs to know. Not now.' Rhystan thought as he left.

When the bedroom door closed again, Elaia slowly opened her eyes, "What was that? He didn't come to me in my previous life, that means I can change other things too. Yes, with my memories I should be able to.

Meanwhile, outside the room, Rhystan paused for a moment, his back leaning against the cold wall of the corridor. His heart was churning with feelings that were hard to explain.

"I was so selfish," she thought. "I married her over the objections of many of my people. But I had to stop the Royal Council's plan, so they should have stopped pressuring me to approve the war plan against the human race."

Rhystan knew that many of the werewolf people wanted him to marry a fellow werewolf to maintain the purity of their blood and the strength of their nation.

But they wanted something far darker. They wanted the entire continent to be ruled by the werewolf nation and to wipe out the human race.

"I have my reasons, forgive me for using you," he whispered to herself.