Twenty
1330 Words
I step inside Sydney’s room, gently closing the door behind me. I don’t know why, but I hesitate at the door, pressing my back against it.
The room is dark for the most part, except there’s a window with the curtains slightly drawn back. The light shines down onto the foot of the bed across the room, outlining Sydney’s form. She’s lying on her side, facing the wall.
As I’m making my way to the bed, she turns and sits up. I stop at the foot of the bed and stare. Her eyes are sunken in, hallowed out. my eyes scan further down her body, noting the jutting of her collarbone. Her wrists were probably tiny enough for me to wrap my fingers around.
She clears her throat, pulling my attention back to her. She’s the first to speak.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“Thanks for visiting.”
I dip my head. “Of course.”
“I almost didn’t want to see anyone,” she says, quietly.
“I can come back later.” I begin to turn on my heels to head for the door when she stops me.
“No, please, stay. It’s nice to see a familiar face.” Her eyes drift down to her hands now resting in her lap. I glance down, noticing she chewed her fingernails to the nub.
“Syd, I’m—” I don’t get the chance to finish.
“Please,” she interrupts, holding up a hand. “Don’t apologize.”
I swallow my apology and just nod. I go around the corner of the bed and take a seat at the edge.
“How are you?” I ask instead.
She takes a deep breath. “I’ll be okay,” she exhales.
“Will be?”
She only nods.
“It’s okay to not be okay.”
“I know,” she answers. “I’ve always known it was going to come to this. I’ve had time to come to terms with it already.” She picks at a thread on the blanket.
“What do you mean?”
“Think about it, Jules. We’re human and they’re…” she sighs, “not.”
“Yeah, but—” Again, I’m unable to finish my sentence.
“But nothing! Jensen and I can never be.”
I shake my head. “That’s not true. Grayson and I are making it work and we’re different.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“It just is!” she explodes furiously. She closes her eyes and takes in a few ragged breaths, trying to calm herself down. “I have been nothing but a secret this entire time,” she says, once she has calmed down enough. “I’ve been hiding away from his entire world in this freaking house while you are in every aspect of Grayson’s.” Her electric blue eyes meet mine. “That’s how it’s different.”
I inhale a sharp breath at the realization that I had been the worst friend possible. I didn’t even stop for a moment to think about how Syd was feeling this entire time, hidden away in the backhouse.
Every bit she said was true, though. She was a secret. She wasn’t a part of Jensen’s world in the same way that I was. I realized how selfish I had been, demanding more of Grayson’s world when Sydney was getting nothing.
“I’m going back home,” she announces, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I think you should come back with me.” Her eyes meet mine for a brief second.
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Both,” I say, but it sounds more like a question.
“You know, you don’t owe them anything.”
My brows furrow. “I know. That’s not the reason why.”
“Then, why?” she asks, looking me in the eyes.
I sit up from the bed, shaking my head.
“You’re willing to give up your family? Your friends? All for him?”
“You were about to do the same,” I throw at her.
“And then I came to my senses and realized we don’t belong here!”
“I do belong her, Syd.”
She scoffs. “Right.”
I narrow my eyes. “Just because it didn’t work out for you, it doesn’t mean it won’t work out for me.”
“I just don’t want you to one day realize that you made a mistake and regret everything.”
“I won’t.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
Her eyes are watering. “Please, think about it.” I open my mouth to protest. “Please, Jules. I don’t want to lose my best friend. All I’m asking, is that you think about it.”
We stare at one another, neither of our gazes wavering.
“Fine,” I relent.
I storm out of her room, shutting the door behind me. Five pairs of eyes land on me. I flush at the weight of their stares. The walls felt like they were closing in. I head outside, suddenly needing the fresh air.
We don’t belong here. Her words stick in my mind.
Was she right? I wondered. If I had to be honest, some days it felt like I didn’t belong.
I hear the front door open as someone steps out. I don’t turn around to see who it is, already expecting it to be Grayson.
“Everything okay with you and Syd?”
“We will be,” I sigh.
He nods but doesn’t say anything else. I’m grateful for it. normally, I didn’t mind Jensen’s upbeat and talkative nature, but today I wasn’t in the mood.
He takes a deep breath. “She told you?” It’s more of a statement, than a question.
“She told me,” I confirm.
“And?”
“And, what?” I turn to him. His elbows are resting against the rail, his hands clasped in front of him. He simply stares out into the vast of trees.
His eyes flicker to me for a brief second. “What do you think?”
I stare at him, waiting. For what, I had no idea. It felt as though he had something to say, he just wasn’t sure how to say it. Or if he should say it.
“I don’t know what to think,” I say at last. “Besides, I don’t think it matters.”
He nods, looking back at the trees.
“What do you think?”
He shrugs. “Like you said, it doesn’t matter.” Jensen cares for her, it’s obvious in the way he speaks. I can tell this is affecting him a lot more than he’s letting on.
“Have you tried to convince her?” I ask.
“Convince her?” A dark brow piques.
“Yeah, you know... to stay.”
He gives me a bewildered look. “Why would I do that?”
“Because you obviously care about her.”
“Just because I care, doesn’t mean I should.”
“There’s nothing wrong with telling her how you feel.”
“She’s already made her choice.”
“Maybe we can change her mind.”
He sighs. “I don’t think so, Jules.”
“You’re not even going to try?”
He stays silent.
“Jensen—”
“No, Juliette! I can’t, okay? I already know what she’s going to say, and I can’t bear to hear her say no.”
I inhale a sharp breath. “I didn’t mean—”
He cuts me off. “It’s fine, just let it go.”
I bite my tongue, drawing blood. “I’m sorry, Jensen.”
He grunts. “I’ll see you inside.”
I watch him walk back into the house, leaving me feeling guilty as ever.
- Writer
