Her Shadows

2 - Sam I Am

NATALIA 

Sam steps into my room maybe thirty minutes later. I lift my gaze to meet his hesitant eyes. I am sure he is waiting to see if I am crying or raging. 

Well, I had my time to cry. I let the tears fall silently into a pillow after Max left. Then I stifled those tears, and pushed the emotions back into their usual pit. Same ritual I always do after we fight: push the hurt down, let the rage fly. And by the look in Sam’s eyes, he knows which emotion I’m at. He sighs, sliding the door closed behind him. 

“Nat —” 

“No, Sam. I won't let you talk me out of this one. If he won't accept me then screw him! I will go out with someone who will.” 

“You know this isn’t smart. We both know he’s called that for more than just his name.” 

“What the hell is it with you guys?! I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself!” I yell at him. I am not a fragile little flower. I have been training with both of my parents, and with all of the guys since I was allowed to. “If Cody tries anything inappropriate, I will just tell him no.” 

“And if he insists?” Sam challenges. 

“Then I will use the training I have learned my whole life to kick his ass, and come home! Don’t be an ass, Sam!”

He sighs again, rubbing his hands down his face. I don’t mean to take my anger out on him, but he is always the one here after a fight. I feel bad that he is used to it, but he is. And sometimes, I can't help it. 

“What did Max say this time?” he asks, reminding me once again why he is my best friend. 

“Same s**t he always says.” 

I pace around the room on a rampage, reiterating the whole conversation since I left breakfast. He listens quietly, as he always does, because Samuel Douglas has been my faithful best friend since we were in diapers. With his black hair and green eyes, girls in the pack have been trailing after his tail once they see his grin that is straight from the devil himself. I won't lie that his looks coupled with his smooth and playful attitude is  attractive, but there has never been even a slight spark between us. We are best friends through and through. He jokes that I block his game, but I just think he isn’t interested in anyone yet. 

Sam has been used to my Max tangents for a while now. He understands why I feel the way I do; takes care of me when those feelings become volatile. Like now. 

“I just don’t understand him!” I yell. “He has to feel the same pull I do. There is no way he doesn’t. I just want him admit it. That’s why I want to go on this date.” 

That’s why I need to. 

“I want him to see me with another guy. He needs to see me with someone who isn’t him, and then maybe—” hopefully— “he will admit who I am to him.” 

He walks to my side, wrapping his arms around my shoulder to pull me close. His familiar pine scent can always manage to calm me down, though never as easily as Max. The strong, masculine scent of leather is intoxicating, fitting his in-control personality. But what really brings me in, is the subtle smell of mint. Comforting, clean, sharp. You have to be right against him to notice it's there, but once you smell it, it seems to hang in the air around him.

I crave it. 

The days after the war, he would sneak into my room and hold me until I fell asleep. I'm not sure how long he stayed, but he was always gone by the time I woke up. He stopped coming after two weeks. I still lie awake each night, though, just hoping he comes back, still faintly smelling him on the sheets.

“Natalia,” Sam murmurs against my head, pulling me from my straying thoughts. “Please don’t go on this date.”

His begging only steals my resolve. They all want to take care of me. I want to show them I can take care of myself. I want to show Max that he doesn’t have me until he claims me. 

“I have to, Sammy,” I whisper. “Please.” He sighs, but finally nods. 

“I am driving you.” He kisses my forehead and pulls back. 

I squeal, throwing my arms around his torso to hug him tight. Even though my reasons are fairly petty, this is the first date I have ever been on. I can't help but to feel excited. I run to the closet, picking through my clothes to find a sexy, but casual outfit. I pull on some light jean shorts with a tight black V-neck that reaches just to the top of my shorts. Slipping my feet into some casual wedges, I walk back out to Sam. He glances at my outfit, his lips thinning into a white line before leading me from my bedroom. 

I follow silently all the way to his car, getting comfortable in the passenger seat while he starts up the engine. He continues shooting me looks from his side of the car. I know he wants to keep trying to talk me out of it even though he doesn’t. 

“Maybe we should just skip it,” Ivy hedges. 

“Ivy, no. Think about how he ignores us,” I remind her. 

“But it won't be him tonight.” Her voice is sad in my head; weary. Much like I always feel anymore. Craving him as often as we do takes its own toll on our body. 

I shake my head, ridding myself about thoughts of him. Tonight is not only about him. It's about me. My first real date. 

I force a grin onto my face just in time for the car to lurch to a stop on the busy campus streets. My best friend looks hesitantly over to me. 

“We’re here.”