Her Majesty

Chapter IX - Confrontation

The moment they were on the fringe leading to the lit area, Undyne stopped in her tracks, refusing to go any further.

Alices noticed, sighing and turning to her, her stomach clenching. Undyne stared at her, the light of the phone showing them both, and Undyne was clearly waiting for her to say something, first.

"Undyne," she started, but then suddenly, she was cut off.

"I nearly f****d it all up back there," she blurted out, her tone as well as expression furious. "I nearly killed them, and you stopped not only them, but me."

Alices was speechless again.

"I didn't know what to do!" Undyne added, one hand going to her hair and tugging on it a little. "All I could see was that... that thing! But you, you just walked up to them, not knowing if they would hurt you, and just..."

She stammered, running out of words.

"I..." Alices tried, but again she was interrupted.

"I realised then - and can't think of anything else now - that I need you with me," Undyne said, the words suddenly spilling out.

She moved forward and grabbed one of Alices's hands, just like Alices had done for her, and held it tight. "So whatever you're gonna say, whatever this bad thing is..."

She searched Alices's gaze with her own, seeing both panic and longing there, and wondered if Alices could see the same emotions in her. "I don't care."

"You will," Alices answered, her voice small. "I'll just... I'll just tell you..." She inhaled shakily, her other hand nervously tugging at the collar of her coat. "I... I've..."

Undyne then lunged, cutting her off. She wanted to know, but at the same time didn't, and wanted to make use of the moments she still had not knowing. She let go of Alices's hand and again held her face, instead, pulling it up to hers.

"Undyne--," Alices tried, only her voice was tiny, and she wasn't moving away.

Undyne shut her up by covering her mouth with her own, not even bothering to say a word.

When Alices seemed to almost melt and lean closer to her, her hands going to her forearms again, she felt a sudden wave of warmth full her. She did care about what Alices had done, and was afraid of it. But right now, amidst all of this confusion and agony, she couldn't take it. She couldn't take any more sadness. She just wanted to feel happy again.

And Alices made her happy. That was never a question, not for a long time, now.

Alices clung onto her, returning the kiss as best as she could, finding herself shaky and a little faint. She tried to pull away, at first - halfheartedly, it must be said - but when Undyne brought her back, she stopped, instead moving closer.

Undyne could hear her blood rushing through her veins, her body feeling almost too warm, and slowly, instinctively, she edged out her tongue and carefully licked the tip along Alices's lips. Alices jumped, but then slid her arms around Undyne's waist, and soon Undyne was able to lick those lips open, her tongue seeking Alices's. They met, and they both made a soft sound at that.

Undyne's hands trailed down slowly from Alices's face, down her cheeks and along her jawline, then down her neck, and she felt Alices shiver and her claws dig into her back a little. There was little light, now, the phone's light dimmed from being held against Undyne's back, but she didn't need it. She could feel, see with that feeling, and she felt as if she were truly seeing Alices for the first time, at last - the real, true Alices.

Her hands moved lower, her breaths short between kisses, and her shaky fingers moved over Alices's chest slowly, trailing over the outline of her breasts. Alices shifted closer, another sound escaping her, one that had Undyne wanting to hear even more.

But then, her right hand suddenly traced something foreign, something hard and cold, and she blinked. Alices suddenly went still, holding her breath, her own eyes snapping open.

Undyne pulled from the kiss, her eyes going to her hand. It felt almost like.. a tube?

"What... what the hell is that?" she blurted out.

Alices felt herself go numb, and her hands dropped to her sides.

They were lit again by her phone, its glow visible, now, and Undyne saw that Alices had gone very pale, her eyes wide and afraid. Undyne pulled her hands away, moving back a bit, and Alices's stance drooped, her head lowering.

"It's... a syringe," she admitted softly. "I... I-I was a-afraid... you were go-going to die."

"And how would that help?" Undyne asked, suddenly feeling a sinking in her stomach.

Alices shut her eyes, worsening that feeling.

"It's... s-something I dis-discovered in my research for Asgore," Alices murmured, her voice soft, now. Her hands tangled together in front of her, and they were both able to see each other quite clearly from that. "It's called... determination. Or DT."

"And it's bad?" Undyne concluded uneasily.

"It's... n-not good," Alices agreed. "Undyne, let's go somewhere deep in the shadows, where n-no one will find us, and we'll s-sit down. I'll... tell you everything, Undyne."

"But what about sneaking into the city?" Undyne said, and she then winced, as did Alices.

They both knew that by asking that, she was only putting off the inevitable. Yet she said it, anyway.

"We-we can still go. It won't take long," Alices smiled sadly, and with a pang, Undyne realised that her eyes were full of tears. "Let's go."

She started back into the denser green, Undyne following her hesitantly.

But even she knew that the time was now.

When they found a small little copse, Alices dimmed the phone to half-lit, both to save the battery and to call less attention to themselves, and set it between them on the grass where they sat, facing each other. Alices was holding the syringe in her hand, staring at it with that sad smile.

Undyne stared at her, barely able to breathe. She opened her mouth to say something, but Alices interrupted her.

"No," she said gently, not looking at her, still. "Don't say anything, yet. Wait until I've... said it all. Then, then..." Her smile faded, and again her eyes wavered. "Then you can say anything you want."

She inhaled sharply, then began. Her voice broke a few times, especially the further along she got. Undyne listened, her stomach tying itself into more and more knots the longer she went on. She started shaking near the end, the mental images so vivid, and she bit her lip.

By the time Alices had gotten to her standing at the abyss, Undyne was in tears. Alices didn't look at her, and thus didn't know, yet, and she went on.

"Wh-when we met, Undyne," she said, and her voice suddenly became so gentle that Undyne blinked in surprise. "I..." She flinched a little. "I was about to end it. I... I've ruined so many lives... I just... couldn't take it, anymore."

Undyne felt her heart suddenly skip, and her breathing went a little funny. She suddenly realised exactly what Alices meant, and she covered her mouth, lest a sob escape her. She'd had no idea.

Or, no. That was wrong. She knew something had been wrong, and knew that if she made Alices happy it would be better, but she realised now that she hadn't allowed herself to conclude on that, fully.

Now she not only knew, but also knew why. And it hurt.

"Any-anyway," Alices went on, startling her out of her reverie. "I... I've been lying to you. A lot. I'm not a hotshot scientist, but a loser, one that destroys everything she touches. I also lied to you about human culture, and about... almost everything."

She hunched over and covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking. "Except the fact that I... that I c-care a gr-great deal about y-you. That... that's the truth. B-but those things I showed you... the human-research material... it's just fiction. It... isn't history. I've been lying... All I do is lie... because the truth is that I'm not worthy enough to... to be with you..."

Her voice trailed off, choking up at the end, and she curled in on herself tighter, her whole body shaking, now. Undyne was, too. She sat there, staring at Alices, her mind racing but nowhere near as fast as her heart.

"So," Alices said, her voice high-pitched, now, with her growing panic and woe. "N-now that... you kn-know, I c-can leave. I can go back, send some-someone else. You d-don't ever h-have to see m-me, again."

Undyne's face crumpled, her eye burning with fresh tears. She was horrified; there was no denying it. She was only a little annoyed about the lies about humans (at the moment, it seemed so minute compared to all that had happened), but it was true that the DT research left her feeling cold.

But then she focused on Alices, and really looked at her. She didn't see what Alices clearly assumed she already saw, which was someone horrible and unforgivable for unmonsterly acts. She saw her friend, in so much pain, feeling absolute agony at the mistakes she had made, mistakes made with the best intentions at heart.

She saw the woman she was hopelessly in love with, still, not as a liar and a fake, but someone insecure, and just wanting to keep a friend.

I still know you, she thought, staring at Alices with an aching heart. I still know who you are. And I still adore you. I still need you.

And most of all, I still love you...

She was about to say these thoughts, but then Alices said, her head now turned away, "Who... who wo-would you l-like me t-to send up?"

And with that, Undyne realised that she'd been silent too long, and Alices had taken that silence as confirmation of her worst fears.

Undyne struggled to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't get past the lump in her throat. Instead, she crawled forward and stopped right in front of Alices, reaching out with one shaking hand and touching her knee.

Alices went still, her face still averted, and she held her breath for a moment. Undyne wanted her to look at her, she wanted Alices to see her feelings that she knew were obvious, so she knelt in front of her, leaned close, and touched her cheek with her other hand, gently leading her back. Alices opened her eyes slowly, the expression on her face one of misery, but when their eyes met, she stared, her own going wide.

"I..." Undyne managed to croak out finally, leaning even closer. "I... l-l... Alice, I..."

Why is this so hard to say?! she thought angrily. Why is this so hard to finally admit?! I've been wanting to for so long! Why is this so hard?!

But that answer came quickly enough: even now, she was afraid of being rejected, and losing Alices forever.

Alices closed her eyes, lowering her head but leaning her cheek on Undyne's hand, still. She focused on the feeling of those hands on her, burning it to memory, vowing to never forget it as long as she lived, knowing that this would be the last time she'd ever feel this.

But then, in a tiny voice, one so small that Alices felt her heart stutter, Undyne finally managed to get out, "D-don't go... please. I... Alice, I need you... I want... I want you... here."

Alices opened her eyes, jolting when she realised how close Undyne now was to her. Undyne's eye seemed to almost glitter in the low light, as though lit from within, and Alices couldn't look away.

They were both in tears, both shaking, but neither pulled away.

Alices tried to speak, but couldn't.

"Alice," Undyne then said, rubbing her cheek. "I... I still... Please, please, don't leave me."

Alices bit her lip, her eyes closing for longer than a blink, before she nodded. She reached down and covered the hand on her knee with her own, holding tight.

"You'll stay, still?" Undyne went on, searching her eyes. "Please?"

Alices nodded again, a small sob escaping her. Then, she managed to get out, "I d-don't know why you'd w-want me to, though."

Say it! Undyne screamed at herself. Say it to her! Now's the time, now's the only time! Say it!

"I love you," she blurted out, so fast and so softly that for a moment, she thought she hadn't said it, after all. But then Alices jolted again, her eyes flaring in shock and her mouth opening a little, though no sound came out.

And suddenly, it was so easy to say. "I love you, Alice," she repeated firmly, her voice stronger. "Yeah, what you did sucks, and I'm very sad about it. They were - are - people I know and love, and it hurts to hear this. But you tried, with everything you had, and you meant well. You didn't abandon them. I still trust you - maybe even more, now. And, yeah..." She sighed, trying to smile a little. "I'm miffed about the lies. But... that's okay, too. I understand. So please, stay with me. I need you. I want you. Please stay."

"S-say it again," Alices suddenly whispered.

"Please stay," Undyne repeated, her voice steady and strong, still.

"N-no," Alices then said, and suddenly her heart began to race again. "The... other thing."

Undyne smiled a bit more. "I love you, Alice."

Alices closed her eyes, covering her face again and sobbing softly. She then leaned closer and hugged Undyne, burying her face into her shoulder.

"Undyne," she whispered, "I-I... love you."

Undyne closed her eye and held her closer, biting down on her lip to keep herself from exclaiming in joy. She could feel Alices trembling, both from tears and emotion, and she slowly rubbed her back, trying to ease it. Her own body felt shaky, too.

"I-I don't w-want to leave you," Alices then admitted tearfully. "Never. I j-just... I just w-want to be with you..."

"Then be with me," Undyne answered gently.

Alices suddenly moved closer, her arms going around her neck, now, and her hands tangled into Undyne's hair, the feeling so oddly intimate that she closed her eye and rested her forehead on Alices's shoulder. She pulled Alices to her, so that once again, no space was between them, and for a moment, they remained that way, just kneeling in the grass together, pressed close, feeling each other's heartbeat and listening to each other breathe. Alices was sobbing softly, her words choked off by them, now.

That was okay. Undyne suddenly raised her head and nuzzled Alices's cheek with her lips gently. She felt Alices shiver, but she moved her face away from her shoulder and looked up at her.

When their eyes met, they both acted in the same way, and this time, when they kissed, neither pulled away.