The Time Voyager's Obsession

Longing - I

Hana blinked at him, unsure what Tiberius meant. “My destiny?” she questioned, “What destiny is that?” The man looked remiss to continue, his eyes flicking over her as though evaluating her mental state.

“Perhaps we should wait until morning. You have had a long day. It’s time to put out the fire anyway, night has fallen,” he said, glancing up at the sky.

She nodded in agreement. Hana had asked the Voyager to open up to her, and he had done so willingly, yet she still felt dissatisfied. Her world, as she knew it, seemed to have expanded by infinite dimensions, but somehow the onslaught of new information left her feeling suffocated instead of free. The multiverse now seemed almost crowded, shared by an infinite number of her doppelgangers. It made Hana feel soiled and used, her identity stripped down to a mere pattern, a memory.

As though sensing her inner turmoil, Tiberius took her hand in his. He was comforting her as she had comforted him. It was a small gesture, but it kept the darkness inside her at bay. Even in a multiverse where she was a common denominator, there was someone who cared for her, only her. They would not be facing the uncharted beyond alone, they had each other.

“Come, I will change out your bandages and apply more salve. Then you should get some rest,” he said gently, helping her rise. Her pain returned with a vengeance, an almost welcome distraction from that of her mental strain. She limped towards her pallet, leaning heavily on Tiberius. He eased her down into a sitting position on the makeshift mattress.

“I will wait outside while you undress,” he told her, exiting with a nod.

Hana watched him leave, a flush of heat rising to her cheeks. Only a brief time ago, Hana had been stripped to her undergarments as Tiberius had sprinted through the jungle with her bleeding body in tow. Yet now they knew one another, drawn together by their solidarity. To be naked before him, now seemed much more intimate, a vulnerable submission that Hana found herself unaccustomed to. She undressed slowly, taking off everything but underwear. The leeches had found the tender flesh of her breasts, and it would be easier for Tiberius to dress her wounds without her bra encumbering his efforts. She looked down, suddenly embarrassed of the gaping wounds hidden beneath a layer of gauze. They would leave her body a ruin. Time would heal her hurts, but the scars would remain, dark and ugly reminders of her days spent on the alien planet.

She picked up her shirt and clutched it to her n*****s, clearing her throat before calling out, “You can come in now.” Tiberius entered, dropping his gaze when he saw Hana’s state of undress. He walked towards her, kneeling by her bedside with a bowl of thick paste and another of water. He set it down and slowly began unwrapping her bandages. His touch was tender, almost nurturing as he cleaned her wounds. There was no flicker of lust in his eyes, and Hana didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. He was a man still deeply in love, just not with her. Dipping his fingers in the salve, he gingerly applied it to her wounds, working in small circular motions. They stung briefly before the numbing effect of the poultice took effect. Hana sighed, minty relief slowly spreading over her battered body. Tiberius treated the lesions around her chest last, gently easing her shirt lower so that he could get a good look at her injuries. His fingers smoothed the ointment over the swell of her breasts, making Hana’s breath catch in her throat. She swallowed and stared at the wall of the hut, trying to keep from trembling. She nearly jumped out of her skin when his fingers grazed lightly over her collarbone. Hana looked up at him in surprise, his stormy eyes appearing nearly black in the dim light. His fingers moved with a memory that Hana did not possess as they swept over the line of her jaw.

“Forgive me,” he said in a husky voice, returning to himself as he withdrew his hand. Working methodically, Tiberius spread the remainder of the salve on her ribcage and lightly bound her wounds. All tenderness was gone from his movements, and Hana could tell that he longed to be free from her. When he had finished, he left the hut without another word, casting the bowl of bloodied water onto the fire. It sizzled and went out, hissing embers dying away to darkness.

***

With the morning light, Tiberius left camp, going out in search of provisions. Despite its cycle of destruction, food on the island was plentiful, even if it came in the form of roots, nuts, and strange fruits. They had been collecting water inside the deep recesses of palm fronds and boiling it just to be safe from any alien parasites.

After he departed, Hana sat alone with her thoughts, contemplating all that had passed between them the night before. She should have been consumed by her near scrape with death, memories of her recent assault, or Sano’s failed attempt to kidnap her. Yet her mind kept returning to thoughts of Tiberius, his calloused fingers trailing lightly up her jaw. Hana felt wrong fantasizing about his touch after all the poor man had been through and lost. He was haunted by thoughts of his dead Queen, his lover’s untimely demise portrayed in the curve of Hana’s soft figure, mirrored in her hazel gaze. She was torturing him with her presence and had only made things worse when she had blatantly disregarded his warnings about the waters of Hausafan. Even with this knowledge, Hana could not deny that she was drawn to Tiberius, whether by some cosmic intuition or by mere attraction she could not say. His closeness had triggered something inside of her, a desire to feel his touch burn against her flesh once more, silencing all of her doubts and fears. It was a childish thought, but Hana could not find it in herself to dismiss it.

Tiberius returned as the great star began to lower itself in the sky. Hana perceived that the periods of daylight were getting shorter, but she didn’t think they would be on the planet long enough to find out why. His arms were laden with bundles of foraged edibles, bound with leaves or coated with clay. He handed Hana the dried clay and nodded towards the extinguished fire.

“Bury those vessels beneath the ash. I will light the fire and the clay will cook what is inside. You need protein if you are to heal. Stay here and feed the fire while I go fish.”

Hana’s eyes widened at the thought of Hausafan’s deadly sea. “How will you fish, without being fished for yourself?” she asked with no small amount of concern.

Tiberius’s rumbling laugh brought a smile to her lips. “I am not looking to bathe myself in an alien pond, so I need not stray too far from the safety of the shore. I have brought sap from the gomban tree. Its acidity deters the hagleeches. And, I have this,” he said, retrieving his dagger from its sheath. “Besides, I am not as tasty as you,” he added with a smirk.

Hana burst into laughter, wincing at the ache in her side. She was surprised by Tiberius’s flirtatious teasing but enjoyed it nonetheless. His mischievous grin widened at her reaction.

“Can I come with you?” she asked suddenly, his smile fading to a frown at her question. “I have not seen the ocean during the day and it would be nice to sit beneath the starlight. It would be a luxury I am unaccustomed to on Astra Glacies. I promise to stay far from the water’s edge,” she added, holding up her hands in a gesture of promised submission.

“Very well,” he said with a sigh, his once easy demeanor now fraught with tension. “But you stay on shore no matter what happens, and do exactly as I tell you. Do you understand?” he asked sternly. Hana nodded, taking his extended hand. Tiberius pulled her gently to her feet, lending her a stabilizing arm as they made their way towards the beach.

In the light of day, the ocean was plainer than Hana remembered. The water’s mystical bioluminescence was hidden beneath the rays of Hausafan’s great star. Even so, it was still an impressive sight. Jutting boulders rose from the sea, covered in green blankets of moss and algae that seemed to extend out into the turquoise waters. The black sand was warm beneath Hana’s feet, and she sank down happily upon the rise of a dune. Wispy clouds trailed across the blue sky above her, and Hana leaned her head back with a contented sigh.

Tiberius continued on to the water’s edge, rolling up his pants and smearing a thick coating of sap on his legs and feet. Hana squinted against the sunlight at the strange blue markings traveling up his calves. When he had finished with the sap, he pulled his shirt over his head, using it to wipe away the residue on his hands. Hana gaped at the sight of him, feeling as though the sands beneath her had begun to grow hotter. She had never seen a man quite like Tiberius Var. The etching of blue tattoos covered his tanned back, extending up to his neck and down past the dip of his waistline. He was all thick fluid muscle, his biceps rippling as he cast the shirt aside and waded out into the water. He stopped when the waves reached his knees, positioning himself just before the breakers. In his right hand, he held the dagger, its hilt bound to a long piece of sinewy greenwood. Drawing the spear back, he stood poised like some stone god. Hana held her breath, waiting for him to strike. The moments slipped by as Tiberius remained deathly still, his eyes following some invisible movement through the turquoise water. The smooth motion came so quickly that Hana nearly missed it. In a burst of speed and strength, he flung the spear forward, its point impaling his intended target. He wrenched the spear up from the ocean floor, its blade pierced through an orange scaled sea creature. Hana clapped and cheered from her position on shore, ignoring the stabbing pain in her ribs. It was like being at a fight pit match, only instead of facing an opponent, Tiberius was sparring against the ocean itself.

He grinned at her enthusiasm, turning as he ripped the creature from his spear and tossed it to shore. The breath caught in Hana’s throat and she started to cough.

“Are you alright?” He called to her, a look of concern crossing his tanned face. She nodded and waved him on as she sputtered, swallowing to clear her throat. If she thought Tiberius looked good from the back, he was an utter masterpiece from the front. His chest was covered in the beautiful blue designs, and Hana’s fingers longed to trace along their mysterious pathways.

A sudden rush of memory overcame her, and Hana no longer sat on the warm beach mooning over Tiberius. She was a girl again, lying in bed as her father read to her an ancient text dating back to man’s early history.

“…There is the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover’s whisper, irresistible—magic to make the sanest man go mad,” Tibor Dari read as his small daughter’s eyes began to grow heavy. He kissed her brow as she drifted off, and Hana could feel a tear trickle down her cheek.

She awoke with a start as Tiberius loomed over her, wiping away the moisture from her face.

“Easy now, easy,” he said, hoisting her back up into a sitting position. “What did you see?” he asked, as Hana tried to stem the tears flowing from her eyes.

“My- my father,” she stuttered, her chest heaving. “H-he al-always read me to sleep when I was a girl. He was reading The Iliad,” Hana whispered, a tremulous hand rising to her lips.

It had all felt so real, not at all like a memory. She could see every detail of her bedroom, hear the melodic cadence of her father’s reading voice. For a moment she had been back there, they had been reunited. She wanted to bury herself into his chest, feel his scratchy beard on her cheek, see his flashing white smile one last time. The wounds of her loss were ripped back, bleeding anew. “How do I go back?” she cried fretfully, “I want to go back!”

Without thinking, Tiberius pulled her to him, hugging her against his chest. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she sobbed against him like a child. He was warm and solid, and Hana wanted to cling to him and never let go.

“You do not go back there, Hana. You never go back there. Those spaces are not meant for us to dwell. They are too pure, too strong. They will take hold of your mind and seep into your soul until nothing in the real world feels as good as the past. It is the power of chronesthesia, and a Voyager can become lost within such memories. You must learn to resist temptation. It is time for you to start practicing meditation and mindfulness.” Tiberius pulled away, gripping Hana’s shoulders as he looked down at her. She felt empty and drained, her frame slumping beneath his embrace.

“Why is this all happening to me?” she moaned.

“You are coming into your abilities. The trauma of your recent experiences has triggered an awakening. It is a natural, but mentally strenuous process. You must take care of yourself, sleep and grow stronger,” Tiberius said, cupping her chin, as he raised her gaze to his own. “You have more strength than you know, Hana Dari. This is only the first step. It will become easier in time.”

Hana nodded, laying a hand on his broad chest as she gently pushed him away. In her weakness, she was confusing Tiberius’s protectiveness with affection. If Hana did not put some distance between them, she would end up doing something that they would both come to regret. The man did not need to deal with her unsolicited advances, he was still mourning his own loss.

“I’d like to go back to camp now,” Hana said, avoiding the pull of his gaze. The Voyager nodded slowly, retrieving the alien fish before helping her back on the path through the jungle. When he had brought her safely to camp, Tiberius returned to the surf to hunt for more fish. Hana crawled inside the makeshift refuge, collapsing on the mat in exhaustion. Universe willing, the mercy of sleep would return her to her father’s side. Her eyes closed, and Hana slept without dreaming.