Espejos

Chapter 1-2

“Do you mind if I get a glass of water?” Tony asked as Carlos gathered some clothes to take with him. He was having trouble deciding just what to take. His family lived on ranch, and his wardrobe had changed over the years.

“No, go ahead.”

“Do you want anything?”

Carlos shook his head and continued scouring his closet. Nothing seemed right. While still in Texas, he didn’t have the type of clothes that a rancher’s kid would wear. He knew it would be hot, but he would also need some sturdy jeans and tougher shoes. Nothing he was looking at would remotely protect him from the elements of his family’s ranch. Oh well, he thought. I’ll just have to stay indoors. That’s what they expect me to do anyways.

Tony came back with his water and placed himself on Carlos’s bed. “So, can I ask you a personal question?”

Carlos knew what was coming. He had avoided talking about his family with most people, even with close friends such as Tony. He continued going through his clothes, hoping Tony wouldn’t notice his awkwardness.

“Take a break for a minute and come sit with me. You can’t avoid telling me about what happened with your family forever.”

Carlos reluctantly put down the few garments he felt would do and sat on the bed next to Tony. “There’s really not much to tell. When I came out, they weren’t too happy. They didn’t throw me out or anything, there was just a sudden coldness. My dad was never the touchy-feely type, so it wasn’t too different from before. What really hurt was how my mother reacted. We were always close, and even though I knew she was a devout Catholic, I thought that somehow, she would understand. But she didn’t. From then on, she really didn’t say much to me. So, when I was able to get up and go, I did. Never looked back.”

Tony wiped a small tear from his eyes. “That is so sad. So different from what I experienced. It always breaks my heart to hear stories like that.”

“Yeah, it was tough. Could have been worse though. At least they didn’t send me to conversion therapy.”

“Still, you must have felt so isolated.”

Suddenly memories of hearing his parents fighting about whose fault it was, the awkward dinners, the constant questions of where he was going and who he was going with flooded Carlos’s thoughts. He was sixteen when he told them, and eighteen when he moved out. Though he’d hardly spoken to them, he remembered the last conversation very well.

If you leave and continue down this path, do not come back or ask for anything. Thinking of those words stung just as much as the first time he heard them from his father. His mother had said nothing at the time, and her face was blank, as if all the life had been drained out of her. Carlos snapped himself out of his daze. He didn’t want to start crying in front of Tony, though he could feel the tears building up.

“I did, for a while. Then I came here, met some friends, and found a different kind of family.”

Carlos got up again and started packing. He knew he had to keep moving or else he would break down. “I know a lot of people would probably say screw it and not go, but she was my mom. I didn’t go to my dad’s, and I still regret that I didn’t try to make peace. I kept putting it off, and then he died. Same with mom. I just thought I would have more time, time to try…”

He couldn’t help it this time. The tears started flowing. They wouldn’t stop. Tony got up and hugged him from behind. This was the first time he had ever seen Carlos so vulnerable, so he decided right then and there to help in any way he could.

“You know, I could go to Texas with you, if you’d like. It might help to have a friendly face around, since I assume other people in your family might not be so welcoming.”

Carlos put one of his hands on Tony’s. “That’s sweet of you, but I can’t ask you to do that. These people can be vicious. I would hate for you to be confronted by so much bitterness.”

Tony squeezed Carlos a bit. The warmth Carlos felt made him feel slightly better.

“So, what you are saying? That I can’t handle myself? Puh-lease. If I can handle the bitter and catty queens around here, I think I can handle a few cowboys. There will be cowboys, right?”

“Just my brother Beto and whoever they have helping now. I wouldn’t get your hopes up: they might be nice to look at, but chances are they swing another direction.”

“Well, we will see about that.” They both laughed, which Carlos needed.

“Still, as much as I would like for you to go, I think I need to do this by myself. I really can’t explain it. It’s like something is drawing me there, telling me to go.”

Tony flopped back down on Carlos’s bed. “Yes, it was your brother, remember.” There was an awkward silence. “All kidding aside, I’m just a phone call away if you need to talk about anything. Plus I’ve got miles, so if things get really rough, I can be there in no time.”

Carlos walked over and kissed Tony on the cheek. “I’m really glad I met you when I moved here. You’ve been the brother I always wanted.”

“What’s wrong with the one you have again?”

Carlos gave Tony another kiss on the cheek and then continued packing. He didn’t say anything further. The more he could avoid having to explain his relationship with Beto, the better the night would be. Eventually he would have to face that tornado of rage. Until then, he was going to enjoy the peace.