Capture Me: The Complete Trilogy

Chapter 15-1

15Yulia

The heavy metal door at the end of the hallway clangs, and I jerk awake, conditioned to respond to that noise as if to an electric shock.

They’re coming for me again.

I begin to shake—yet another conditioned response. As much as I want to remain strong, they’re getting to me, breaking me down piece by piece. Every grueling interrogation, every humiliation great and small, every day that blends into night as I sit there without food and sleep—it all adds up, destroying my willpower bit by tiny bit. And I know they’re only getting started. Buschekov implied as much the last time he had me in that mirrored room.

Trying to control my breathing, I sit up on my cot, pulling a thin, dirty blanket around myself. Outside, it might be May, but in this prison, it’s still winter. The chill here is everlasting. It permeates the gray stone walls and rusted metal bars, seeps in through the cracks in the floor and ceiling. There are no windows anywhere, so the sun never warms these rooms. I reside in fluorescent grayness, the cold walls around me pressing closer each day.

Footsteps.

Hearing them, I slide my sock-covered feet into my boots. My socks are dirty, as is the jumpsuit I’m wearing. I haven’t had a shower in three weeks, and I undoubtedly stink to high heaven. It’s one of those small humiliations designed to make one feel less than human.

“Yulechka...” A familiar singsong voice makes me shake even more. Igor is the guard I hate most, the one with the grabbiest hands and the nastiest-smelling breath. Even with the cameras everywhere, he manages to find opportunities to touch me and hurt me.

“Yulechka,” he repeats, approaching my cell, and I see the glee in his beady brown eyes. He’s using the most familiar form of my name, one that would normally be an endearment spoken by parents and other family members. On his thick lips, it sounds dirty and perverted, like he’s a pedophile talking to a child.

“Are you ready, Yulechka?” Staring at me, he reaches for the lock on the cell door.

I fight the urge to shrink back against the wall. Instead, I stand up and throw off my blanket. He’d welcome any excuse to lay hands on me, so I don’t give him one. I just walk over to the metal bars and stand there waiting, my stomach twisting with nausea.

“You’re wanted out there again,” he says, reaching for my arm. I almost puke as he grabs my wrist, his fingers thick and oily on my skin. He snaps a handcuff on that wrist and then grabs my other arm, stepping closer. “They said you won’t be coming back here,” he whispers, and I feel one of his hands squeezing my ass, his fingers digging painfully into the crack. “It’s too bad. I’ll miss you, Yulechka.”

Vomit rises in my throat as I smell his breath—stale cigarettes mixed with rotting teeth. It takes everything I have not to shove him away. Fighting means he’ll get to touch me even more; I know that from experience. So I just stand there and wait for him to release me. He won’t rape me—that’s one humiliation I’ve been spared, thanks to the cameras—so all I need to do is remain still and not throw up.

Sure enough, after a few seconds, he snaps the second handcuff on my wrist and steps back, disappointment darkening his features.

“Let’s go,” he barks, grabbing my elbow, and I gulp in air untainted by his stench, desperately hoping my stomach will settle down. I’ve thrown up once before, when they fed me greasy meat after starving me for three days, and they made me clean it up with the blanket that’s still on my cot.

To my relief, my nausea recedes as Igor marches me down the hall, and I register what he said.

You won’t be coming back.

What does that mean? Are they moving me to another facility, or did they finally decide it wasn’t worth it, trying to get anything out of me? Am I about to be executed? Is that what Buschekov was hinting at when he said he was about to get some new authorization?

My heartbeat picks up, a fresh wave of nausea moving through me. I’m not ready for this. I thought I was, but now that the moment is here, I want to live.

I want to live to see Misha.

Except if I give the Russians what they want, I won’t see Misha ever again. Obenko’s sister and her family will be forced to go into hiding, and my brother along with them. Misha’s happy life will be over, and it’ll all be my fault.

No. My resolve firms again.

It’s better that I die.

At least then I’ll be out of this hellhole once and for all.