Capture Me: The Complete Trilogy

Chapter 24

24Yulia

I don’t give a f**k about his guilt or innocence. It’s out of my hands. If you weren’t such a hot lay…

Lucas’s words echo in my mind, replaying on a sickening loop over and over again. He had been so cold, so cruel. It was as if the last two weeks had never happened, as if our time together meant nothing to him.

My heart feels sliced into ribbons, the pain so vast it smothers me. I take in shallow breaths, trying to cope with the agony, but it just seems to grow and expand, sinking deeper into my chest.

I failed. I failed my brother. Everything I’ve done from the moment Obenko approached me at the orphanage has been for Misha, and now it will all be for nothing.

The man on whom I pinned my last hopes is a merciless monster, and I’m a gullible fool.

Don’t humiliate yourself. It’s not going to work.

Somehow Lucas knew about my brother. He knew I was going to ask him to spare Misha’s life. He knew I was trying to soften him up all these days, and he let me.

He took everything I had to give, and then he drove a knife straight into my heart.

A bitter bubble of laughter escapes me as I think of the genius of his sadistic plan. I have to admit, Lucas Kent’s idea of vengeance is exquisite. No physical torture would’ve hurt as much as his blunt refusal to save my brother.

My laughter turns into a sob, and I gulp it down, choking off the sound. Even to my own ears, I sound mad, hysterical. The agency therapist had been right. I’m not cut out for this job. I’m not like Lucas or Obenko.

I don’t have what it takes to remain sufficiently detached.

“Your loyalty to your brother is admirable, but it’s also your biggest weakness,” Obenko told me a couple of months into my training. “You cling to Misha because he’s a part of your past, but you can’t have a past anymore. You can’t have a family. You need to come to terms with that, or you won’t be able to cope with this life. There will be times when you’ll need to get close to people without letting them get close to you. You’ll need to be in control of your emotions. Do you think you’re capable of that?”

“Of course I am,” I answered quickly, fearing he’d kick me out of the program and place my brother back in the orphanage. “Just because I love Misha doesn’t mean I’d get attached to anyone else.”

And I worked hard to prove that. I was friendly with the other trainees, but I didn’t become friends with any of them. Same thing with the instructors. I kept my emotional distance from all of them. Even after the incident with Kirill, I did my best to deal with the trauma on my own.

I was such a good, diligent trainee that Obenko gave me the Moscow assignment less than a year after Kirill’s assault.

Another sobbing laugh rises in my throat. I swallow the hysterical sound, but I can’t control the tears that spill down my cheeks. I thought I was good at what I did. I smiled and flirted with my assigned lovers, but I never fell for them. Even with Vladimir, who taught me about s****l pleasure, I remained cool and detached. No one mattered to me except my brother.

No one until Lucas.

In my effort to get close to my captor, I opened myself up too much. I lost control of my emotions. I let a ruthless, treacherous man get close to me, and he used that closeness to devise the cruelest of all punishments.

He figured out the best way to destroy me.