Tales Of A Shifter (B6) - The Child Of Sun & Moon

Chapter 12 - Constant Struggle

Chapter 12

After the attack stained silence rained between them for a few hours after this. In that time Ann tended to cleaning a small cut she had sustained in the palm of her hand, while they marched deep into the woods with the few drops of water she could squeeze out of her water skin, and a patch of clean white material cut from the back of the dress.

Internally Brandon felt a part of him curdle into guilty knots as he watched the dress of his favorite healer slowly devolve form the magnificent pearly white expression of status and beauty into a twig/mud smeared travesty ripped and cut for their convenience.

Brandon kept his mind mostly geared towards keeping his legs going forwards and actively ignoring all the more serious thoughts that were warping and bending around in his head.

Thoughts about the memories he had been dreaming about. Thoughts about the Bane sneaking into those dreams and fears that the powerful creature could try to come into him mind again. Worries about Ezekiel and the rest of the Guardians. Worries about Erin’s baby and the effect all this stress must be having on Ezekiel’s young cousin and her Mate.

Brandon tried not to fret over all of this and a million other things like the avalanche of constant pain cascading over his body as both his hunger for ether and the hunger of the blighted stone in his body grew to proportions he just didn’t know how to describe in actually words anymore. Long ago after escaping the hellscape of his childhood

Brandon had been forced to learn how to deal with the pain on a purely intrinsic and necessary level of needing to preserve his sanity and his survival. It was no exaggeration to admit that this cutting agony had very nearly broken him body and soul many times in the last three years. Not feeding on Humans and Shifters and forcing himself to abstain for long periods of time from feeding on energies had been utterly overwhelming requiring every ounce of concentration and self-control he had just to make it from hour to hour.

Of course eventually the Druid managed to understand that he could withstand the traumatizing insanity of his own body’s voracious needs if he put the pain being a wall, if he pushed his awareness of his own suffering down to the bottom of his soul and locked it in a cage. There wasn’t a moment that he didn’t feel the pangs in his muscles and belly, sense the burning needs caressing his nerves and tickling his thoughts but in order for Brandon to even function beyond this in any normal capacity his emotions had to be in a more neutral and controlled state...And yet the amount of stress building day by day in his mind wouldn’t allow him to obtain the serious equilibrium he needed.

Brandon caught his mind fleeting back against his wishes to the night in the hot springs, wet firm skin gliding over his own, powerful hands and succulent kisses...bliss running over entire being from the simplest touches and words being shared beneath the moonlight....oh how Brandon wanted that magical night back again.

But like a cold wind in tumbled the thoughts of Brandons apprehension about Balder, the Elders and most of all the Dragons. He worried if the Dragons and the Elders would truly protect him and the Leopards form the Brotherhood...or if they would try to hurt him, use him for the power of the Acris like Hovel and Jacob?

Brandon felt great unease and discomfort clutch at his soul when he remembered his dreams, when he saw himself standing at the edge of the vast mountains of Ishtar, and witnessed the Dragons. He recalled it vividly and clear, their many glittering scaled behemoth sized bodies dancing in the air like liquid jewels, screaming thier joy to the sea like heavens above... and yet as much as Brandon remembered that moment and felt joy....the Druid also felt great and horrible guilt choking him inside.

So much had been revealed and so much was still left for him to unravel, but beyond a shadow of a doubt was the realization that the deeper Brandon went, and the more he uncovered about himself and Jacob and Kail....the more Brandon was coming to believe that he had done something unspeakable so long ago.

What did I do?

Brandon found himself agonizing over this question for long hours into the night...and the soft luring call of Ishtar pulled him ever further from Ezekiel.

I did something terrible....I can feel it....I know that I must have done something...

Something that lead to the loss of the Dragons and their complete withdrawal from the world centuries ago?

Something that lead to the Bane being cursed as they claimed by him?

Something that lead to the Lion Prides suffering from a disgusting generational sickness?

Something that Jacob had deeply hated him for?

Something....that lead to the disappearance of all the Druids except for him?

Something that made him want to break apart and scream in sorrow every time he closed his eyes and he saw Kail and Jacob smiling at him and calling “Brother” so tenderly.

God please tell me...what did I do?

But there was no answer and as much as Brandon tried to force his mind to dream more memories or pull up more lost things from his mysterious past....nothing came to him. Only the insecant pull to seek out the white mountains. The tender and painful sense that strummed deep in his mind that beckoned him along...like a moth to a flame.

Brandon shuddered as a swirling cacophony of sharp pain sliced down the middle of his chest and made him black out for a second and stumble to a stop. Brandon bit his cheek, locked his knees to keep from falling and he weakly shook his head.

Fuck! What am I doing! I lost concentration again and all that pain and hunger just crashed into me. That cant happen again! I got to calm down, Im glowing....if I start letting Mana manifest around me Ann will kill me. Not to mention that the other Alchemists can sense us more easily when I do touch Mana and that’s the last thing we want...

Brandon clenched his trembling hands, and it was only once he tightened them that he heard the sizzling crackle of power that had been dancing over his hands like playful static.

Suddenly and with a heavy call Ann turned back to him and she cast him a look of annoyed disbelief.” What are you doing!?” She demanded. Grabbing a tree beside her for balance she stepped back towards him and snarled. “Control yourself this instant or you will lead more Ghouls to us soon! Brandon

“I know! I know...Im trying Im just...” Brandon backed up. He took two deep breaths, clenched his teeth harder and seethed out. “I just feel like Im going to burst!”

“You have to calm down! You Will is manifesting! I can sense the Mana gathering in this area! STOP!” Ann cast him a scalding look and her fury was understandable because Brandon knew he was putting them both at risk.

Ann stepped close to him again, releasing the tree so that she could rush forwards and she clasped his arms. Brandon tried to jerk away, but she just followed him backwards and held him tighter as she said.

“You will control yourself by the time I count to five or I promise you I will open up a portal and send us back to the Leopard Lands!”

Brandon stopped backing up as horror rushed through him and he shouted in her face. “No! Ann STOP it!”

His teachers dark brown eyes narrowed in challenge, cold resolve sliding into place as she said back. “I will not let you get us killed because you think its okay to just go wild whenever you’re feeling upset! I DEMAND that you control yourself and conduct yourself as a true Child of the Sun! NOW!”

“Im trying! Ann don’t!” Brandon felt his breath panting out of him in panic as he felt Ann suddenly open herself to Mana. There was the cloying scent of burning metals and Brandon flinched as the flesh under her hands started to sting terribly. Dancing black light, as tangible as water, began to frizzle, dance and glimmer all along Ann’s hands and wrists. There was a sharp buzzing at the back of Brandon’s mind and he was instantly very sure that nothing he said would matter, because Ann....wasn’t playing.

Fear was a blade that slapped across his soul like a sheet of numbing ice, halting his panic and thoughts/worries/ and questions and replaced them all with immediate need for control. Brandon snatched up the reins to his ragging body and mind and he pulled them tight, viciously he strangled all the wild emotions making him weak, he shuddered all his feelings of longing and guilt and pain into a box inside and he just turned away from it.

Instantly the pain and unease was blanketed in a familiar thick fog of cold detachment. Brandon welcomed it, even though he felt like a cold hearted braggart just sweeping aside Ezekiel and the guardians.

But Brandon did realize that he had to have peace in order to remain in control of all the conflicting forces inside trying to rip him apart at any given moment...and that meant that for the time being he had to set them all aside. The people he loved, as well as any thoughts of his enemies. It was all too much and he was just overwhelming his already exhausted soul and mind by ruminated and agonizing uselessly about it all. He had to remain in the present...he had to focus on him and Ann....so he did.

Brandon snapped his eyes to Ann at that moment as the sizzling sensation fled, the smell of burning metals died off and the woman pushed him away from him with a deadly sneer.

“Brandon this cant keep happening! This is the third time you’ve lost control, touched your Mana, and gave away our position like this!” She declared. Ann crossed her arms as Brandon rubbed at his head, feeling cold swat drip down by his ears as his panic fled and he averted his eyes from Anns displeasure.

She was right of course. The first night they had left the Leopard lands Brandon had been so deeply and physically distraught he had been glowing for almost an hour, his wild emotions and his Will manifesting in response to his distress on an instinctive level, something the Druid struggled to control entirely, mostly because he was still so new to being a conscious Mana User. His body protected him without any cues from his still and the Druid knew that each time it did they had to move or put distance between them and the place where the residue of his Mana was and where it could lead their enemies to them.

“Look at me!” Ann shouted as Brandon sighed and looked up.

“This is no longer something I can ignore! You must stop getting so conqured by your own powers. Brandon you know that I cant stress this enough to you, but the closer we get to the East the less human city’s and habited spaces there will be around us meaning...”

Brandon sighed harsh and fast and cut her off. “The closer we get to the East the less interference there will be around us protecting us from being tracked by Hovel, I know! I get it. I am trying to stop slipping up!”

Ann’s eye glimmered with frustration as she bit her lip and slapped her leg. “Ughhh!” She expressed and turned to the side. “If you know! If you understand that then why do you keep letting your control get so weak!!”

Brandon gripped his hands and he shook his head. “Im sorry...I feel so plagued at every turn with so much and ...” Brandon sniffed straightened up and rubbed at his head. “No! No excuses this time. Im in control again Ann. We should move about six more miles up to the north, then settle down again and make camp...”

“Stop...just stop this...” Ann cast him an incredulous scoff. “You are the most stubborn and idiotic man Ive eve met! Brandon its obvious that you can’t control what you carry! Its too much and I imagine that being both a Mana User and a Druid as well as a carrier of the Acris is completely tearing you apart...so why do you insist on putting the pressure of being hunted on your plate as well, surely whatever your seeking from your memories isn’t worth all this struggling! Every moment that we spend out here it invites more danger to you...so lets just go back!”

Brandon took a break and he said. “That’s not for you to decide...” He told her calm and slow.

Ann’s mouth narrowed but she didn’t argue.

“Look I don’t care what I have to endure or what dangers Im bringing to myself I need to keep going....” He expressed this vehemently, but Brandon made sure not to let his own emotions rise in any real capacity now that he had them more controlled.

Ann dropped her arms and waved a hand as she turned and started walking. “You endure more then I would ever ask of anyone...and yet the only one forcing you to do all this is yourself...I can only guess at the things you carry that make you seek out so much suffering. Im...slightly terrified to think any man could ever deserve what you do to yourself.”