The Lotus And The Billionaire

Chapter 43: Begone, Unwanted Thoughts

As I had expected, the atmosphere between the two of us felt off. We did it like how we would on a normal day, but what’s not normal is the way we talked to each other. I’m not sure if I was just imagining it, but he seemed on edge as well.

I was walking on eggshells around him because I was afraid he’d confront me regarding my actions during that day. Him knowing I did it with him to keep myself in check…would be the last thing I want.

That day, before our parents cleared their schedule to have lunch with us in a fancy restaurant, we did it in my room again. I initiated, so of course, he simply followed my lead.

He asked me what I was doing several times.

I didn’t answer.

Fear crept through my veins, and I was rendered helpless as I allowed him to take control of me again. It wasn’t because of his force, but because of the thoughts I had been trying to shrug off.

As I’ve tried to tell myself several times before, Alvarez is an adversary I must face. He’s not a friend I must confide with. On the contrary, he’s someone I should be wary of.

“Do you want to eat lunch with me?” he asked while we were on our way to work.

He has never asked me that question before. He used to tell me that I’d be eating with him as if he were my boss and I needed to follow everything he said. Now, he…asks.

For some reason, it just doesn’t sit right with me. When he does something that was never in the routine we’ve always had in this stage play, I just end up getting confused. It’s as if he’s trying to pull an adlib on me.

“I’ll probably eat alone,” I replied as I took my phone out to keep myself busy.

This is me putting a wall up in response to his confusing actions. I…just have to continue acting my part out even if he doesn’t do the same thing. This is the only way I see to save myself.

And as a result…

There’s that weird air between the two of us again. It’s as if we’re back to being strangers, but more awkward this time around. He’s acting like he’s never met me before, and I’m doing the same thing to him because I’m petty!

I pursed my lips as I tried to stop myself from saying anything I might end up regretting. The pressure and tension filling the air inside his red ‘rari makes me want to leave and drive there on my own. It feels suffocating to be in the same space as him.

A lot of things have changed between us ever since that day…

I didn’t want things to come down to this, but I had no choice. I had already told him to build his boundaries so that I can do the same. Why doesn’t he ever listen to me? He just…nonchalantly crosses every line I draw.

How audacious of him to disobey me!

“Who will you eat with?” he asked.

We got stuck in traffic. Great, just great. Why’s there traffic here anyway? And at this hour too!

“Probably just myself. Or maybe Vin. Or the team members,” I replied without thinking.

It’s always these mundane conversations that intimidate me. When he’s talking or asking about such simple things, it’s often because he’s trying to open a heavy topic up.

That’s one of the very few changes with Alvarez that I noticed. He’s learned how to be gentle with his words. Perhaps always being in an argument with me has molded him into a better person. But if that’s the case, then I’ll definitely fight him more.

Still, I knew this wasn’t the Gray Alvarez I needed and wanted, either.

“You’ve got to stop acting that way,” I told him before getting out of the car.

“What—”

“Don’t think too much about it if it doesn’t make any sense to you. It’s nothing.”

“But it didn’t seem like nothing to me,” he insisted as he began to walk beside me.

I sighed and glared at him. “You know I don’t like arguing about something petty. Just think of it as…something that’s just part of another one of my stupid antics. Isn’t that what you do when I annoy you?”

He shook his head, dismissing my point. “Those are completely different things, and there’s just no way they can compare to each other. You look like you’re having a hard time trying to stop yourself too!”

I scratched the back of my nape and immediately made the elevator close after Alvarez had entered. He was already mad with just a few words. What more if I tell him the whole thing? Well, it’s not like I’ll be telling him, anyway.

Alvarez entered and lightly held my shoulders, pushing me gently until my back hit the metal wall. I had nowhere else to look, but I forced myself to do so anyway.

“What?” I asked as I tried to avoid his gaze.

“What was that about?”

“What was what about?”

“Don’t f**k with me, Diaz. What were you trying to tell me earlier?”

I sighed and tried to push him off. Unfortunately, he’s way too strong, so I was unable to push him. Instead, my hands just landed on his chest while I tried to think of an excuse.

The silence was a little too loud, and I could not speak at all. All I could do was pretend I didn’t know what I was talking about, which he obviously wouldn’t believe.

“Diaz, you know I hate those kinds of messages. Tell me straight up if there’s something you want to say.”

I sighed and looked away, unable to hold eye contact with him. “Fine…” I breathed as I tried to push him off a little.

“Great. Now, what is it?”

“I just wanted you to stop acting so awkward around me…” I trailed off, trying to find the correct words to utter. I didn’t want to make any mistakes.

Alvarez let out a sigh as he rested his head on my shoulder. “I can’t understand you.”

See? It just stressed him out! I didn’t want to tell him while we were here because it’d be a bit difficult to talk about. This wasn’t what I had planned. I…just wanted to tell him to act normal again.

I wanted things to go back to how they were before…

“I don’t know what to do with you,” he muttered as he slowly composed himself. “Your actions are so confusing, Diaz. I’m not sure I can put up with this any longer.”

Now, that scares me…

I wouldn’t mind if he told me that after a year because our company would have gained our momentum back. Although we’d still have to work under him if that was the case. I think.

But we’re barely recovering everything we’ve lost. My Dad’s barely home to take care of my mother because he’s trying to make up for our losses! How am I supposed to sit still and let an Alvarez slip right through my fingers when he’s the only one saving everything I have?

“I’m sorry. I won’t say anything that’ll confuse you anymore. Just…one last favor.”

I didn’t want to do this to him, either. It’s just that I no longer have a choice. My rationale has been blurred, as something has already interfered with its stability. I am unable to find a way to help myself.

That…was my defense mechanism. I regret that it went off during a time that was important to me, but I didn’t want to entertain any feelings during this period of time.

“You say you won’t do it again, but by the end of the week, your attitude will change again.”

He’s right.

I shouldn’t get mad at him for pointing my flaws out.

Alvarez…had always been right.

That’s what I hated.

“I hate that you’re right about everything,” I muttered as I looked away.

I remembered why I loathed every fiber of his being. The thought that he’s almost always right about something just doesn’t sit right with me. I know it sounds foolish, but I can’t help but get mad.

Maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with how we’ve always been at each other’s thoughts despite being literal kids. Perhaps it’s because he’s Gray Alvarez that I despise him.

There’s no way of knowing, really.

“You hate my very being, that’s all there is to it. You just like being in bed with me. That’s the one thing that makes you want to stay despite everything else.”

That sounded so toxic. But at the same time, he was right.

“It’s not the s*x, you dumbass. You’re forgetting something crucial.”

And that was when it dawned on him that we didn’t get married for romantic reasons. He looked like he was just hit by a meteorite with the way he spaced out into nothing. I had to tap his arm to get him to walk when the elevator door opened.

Was he…thinking the marriage was real? Did he somehow succeed in deluding himself that the two of us were lovers from the very beginning?

Is he crazy?

I wanted to follow Alvarez to his office and confront him, but if there was something I hated the most, it was a confrontation. I loathe it more than I do with Alvarez.

“What happened? You look like you went through hell in that elevator,” Vin pointed out as soon as I entered my office.

An exasperated sigh escaped from my lips as I closed the blinds and locked the door. The team will come to talk to me after lunch, so there’s no need to worry.

It’s just that it’s only morning, and I already feel my very core crumbling down into pieces. My mind has turned dysfunctional after that conversation.

“You seem pretty tense.”

I groaned and tried to throw a pillow at him. “Stop asking!”

“I was curious!”

“Well, stop being curious!”

Alvarez didn’t seem like he wanted me to confront him about it, either. If anything, he acted like a total stranger to me. It wasn’t very like him…

“Not at all…” I muttered as I covered my eyes with my arm.

Perhaps things are meant to go downhill from now on, especially with the way we are. We’re getting busier every moment, and things don’t seem to be going well with the board as well.

Something terrible is happening because why else would Alvarez want to visit my home without telling me? He…wanted to taste my mom’s cooking. He told me that while we were running with Mom around the place. And damn, I knew what it really meant.

Knowing Alvarez, it was easy to find out why he wanted to go there. He’s very predictable, after all!

He wanted a familial feeling, one thing he’s unable to derive from me. We’re not family, and I could never bring myself to treat him like one. However, my mother was always the type to care for him.

Perhaps the reason he’s been making sure I know how his daily schedules go is that he wants me to give off the feeling he wanted. But if I did, that’ll be too draining on my part.

“f**k that i***t…” I muttered as I continued to lie down, afraid.

Everything scares me at this point.

Alvarez.

My parents.

The company.

My freedom…

How will I react if someone calls me the Diaz Lotus again? I think I’d burst out laughing after I had been reduced to this, the housewife of an Alvarez.

Another exhausted sigh came out of my mouth. That was what annoyed Vin. He told me to just get to work if I wasn’t going to do anything productive while just staying on the couch. As if he’s doing any work himself!

“Diaz? Are you there?”

Oh, hell no…