The Lonely God

1.

13 YEARS LATER...

-HER-

I stand under his silhouette, looking up at him, his statue. His eyes bore into me, they are cold, passive, haunting but at the same time beautiful. In the darkness, his statue seems so real as if he himself is there, watching me, having fun seeing me in misery.

"I don't believe in you," I say out loud, my words tangled with each other, almost impossible to be understood by a normal human being.

I keep my eyes glued to his statue as I bring the alcohol bottle to my lips and drain half the bottle, hoping that somehow my pain and frustration will escape into it while the alcohol travels down my throat.

The freezing night air ruffles my hair and small snowflakes descend to the earth slowly while the moon hides in a thick blanket of dark clouds.

"I don't believe in you!" I scream again, my voice echoing throughout the ruins of this once-colossal-castle. This castle used to be his; he ruled the world from here. Now, everything is gone, him and his castle. What stays behind is his statue that continues to stand in the center of the ruins, unaffected by time and weather. Unaffected by my words, unaffected by the world.

It looks as if it has been carved just yesterday by the most skilled sculptor. It looks so alive, so like him. Cold and brittle, passive, emotionless but having a haunting beauty to it.

"You are no god. Just a self-obsessed, obnoxious, unworthy, mortal man who called himself a god." I mutter as I point my finger at his statue accusingly.

"You don't deserve to be called a god!" I stumble on my feet as the alcohol continues to eat my balance. "You don't deserve anything!" I scream in the silent night. For a moment, I don't even understand the words that are coming out of my mouth but it feels good.

Blaming someone else for my condition feels good. My rant continues and I feel the knots in my chest loosen. I scream about my misery, my pain, my anger, my frustration into the silent night. I let out all those things that I've been bottling deep down in the hopes that they will disappear but bottled feelings never disappear. They shatter the glass and hurt you even more and I am already hurt enough. I am already broken and doubt if there's anything left that could break further.

Hot tears run down my cheek, leaving wet tracks which cools down later as the night air brushes my skin angrily. I collapse to the ground covered with snow, ignoring the wetness that I shortly feel due to the heat of my body melting the snow.

"Why am I like this?" I ask knowing that my questions will be unanswered and my cries will be unheard as usual. There's no one to listen to me, no one understands what I go through because I am like broken glass, hurting anyone who ever comes near me. I've been like this my entire life and I doubt if I could continue living like this.

I have to speak. I have to let it out. I can't keep these overwhelming feelings pressed inside me anymore. I can't take it anymore. I look up at his statue which continues to stand tall with pride and honor, its eyes fixed on me, enjoying my rant.

"Are you having fun seeing me like this?" I whisper before taking a sip from my bottle. My question is unanswered as usual.

"They say you can change man's destiny..." I take one more sip and continue "... if that's true then do it! Change my destiny, take the misery away..." silence follows my words. Only the wheezing of the night air against the pine trees could be heard along with my heavy breaths.

"You can't do that, can you?" I question while trying to get up on my feet, falling several times in the process. Finally, when I manage to stand up, I take a final look at him.

"You really can't change anything." I throw my alcohol bottle on his statue which breaks into million pieces after the collision. The shatter of the glass echoes in the night sending chills down my spine.

"You are as powerless as a mortal and a liar," I accuse him for the last time and turn around to walk away. I slowly climb down the makeshift mountain upon which the castle once stood. The snow is falling heavily now. Several snowflakes stick on my midnight black hair and appear like twinkly little stars in a moonless night.

I was halfway down when the dark sky lights up with lightning before a thunder shakes the ground beneath my feet, promising a rough night.

When I reach the bottom of the mountain, I look back, taking a last look at the ruins that seem somehow similar to my insides. Torn and broken. Something which can't be mended.

Another thunder lights up the sky and my vision blurs. I see the King's statue look down at me, from his spot.

I see the statue move...

Statues don't move... I am drunk and I am seeing things. I shouldn't really believe what I see at the moment. I just shrug and continue to walk back home as the snowfall thickens.

Finally, I reach home but if I walk in through the front door in this drunken state then mom would kill me. So, I go to our backyard and start climbing the water pipe until I reach my room.

I fall several times given my drunken state. It's pretty late when I finally manage to climb into my room with a couple of bruises through the window and collapse on my bed. I close my eyes, slowly drifting into unconsciousness but not before I see a shadow just outside my window. It looked like a person. I blink several times and see two silver eyes glowing outside my window as another thunder rings throughout the night, lighting up the darkened sky.

I am really drunk.