The Lonely God

6.

-HER-

After dinner, I come straight to my room and lock myself into it as usual. Since finals are next month, I decide to study or rather torture myself.

I pick up the bag from the floor and throw it on my bed before climbing on it myself. I open the chain and hold the bag upside down until everything has fallen on the bed and the bag is totally empty. I chose my English book to start off with.

As soon as I open the book and try to read the first sentence, my head starts to ache.

All the words pour out of the book and start to float in the air while some start to crawl around the mess on my bed like spiders. Everything seems jumbled, puzzled and the letters dance in front of my eyes, leaving their words, messing the sentences. They daunt me, they haunt me. They tease me because I can't catch them and put them on right places so that they could make sense to me.

The 'd's and the 'b's look so confusing. I can't tell them apart. To me, they appear the same. I see the words leave the book, leaving the page empty and run around for me to catch them.

The more I try to concentrate, more confusing it gets. Some words flutter in front of my eyes like bees, buzzing around my ears, annoying the hell out of me. They seem to be mocking me, laughing at me.

I don't even know what I am reading and what the chapter is all about. It's so confusing. I can hardly make the words out. It's like everything is written in a language I am not familiar with.

Frustrated, I slam the book shut and throw it across the room. It hits the wall across my room before landing on the floor with a loud thud as its pages bend and crumble, destroying half the book.

I clutch my head and sit in silence but my peace is cut short when the voices in my head start to play...

'You can't read!'

'Get out and never show your ugly ass face again.'

'You're just a worthless piece of s**t!'

'Why are you even alive?'

'Mom wants to talk to you.'

'She doesn't have a mate.'

'And if you fail... you'll never see the sun again.'

'Look at her, how pathetic she is.'

'She'll die young.'

'You're lying, Nefret.'

'Why can't you be just like your sisters?'

'Stop it, Nefret!'

'Try harder, Nefret.'

'She'll never have a mate.'

'She'll die young.'

'It'll be a shame to get rid of you so easily.'

'Everyone hates you, Nefret.'

'I'll give you three tasks. If you....'

"ENOUGH!" I scream, clutching my hair with such force that it's hurting my scalp. These voices keep ringing in my head. What can I do to stop them? They hurt my head. They hurt me. It's like a constant reminder to me that I am a waste. I am just... just not worth anything.

Suddenly, I feel my cheeks wet but I wipe my tears away instantly. There was a time when I used to be in my room and cry for long hours. No matter what I did, my cheeks always used to be wet. There were nights when I cried myself to sleep and wake up the next morning to find my cheeks wet with fresh tears.

But one day, I decided to stop crying because there's no use to rue over things that I can't control. My fate has already been decided and no matter how much I cry, it can't be changed.

I shake my head and get up from my bed before crossing my room and picking up the book. I straighten the crumbled pages as I walk back to my bed and climb back on it. I have to pass the tests this time to be promoted as a senior.

No matter what, I have to pass the tests. I have to do it.

The rest of my night passes as I work my ass off to understand what's written in the book and also try to write things down without messing the letters.

It's hard for me. I guess other problems in my life weren't enough when the moon goddess decided to give me dyslexia. I'd kill that woman once I get my hands on her. Since I'll die young, I'll be meeting her soon. I must plan a murder plan for her while I am alive.

It's long after midnight when my stomach makes a sound that I swear closely resembles a Whale's mating call that I once heard on Discovery channel. I decide to get some break from studying and get some food.

The whole house is silent, I assume everyone is asleep. Slowly, I exit my room and climb downstairs. I move like a shadow, making no sound at all. Slowly, I creep into the kitchen and almost squeal with excitement when my eyes land on the fridge.

I did not bother to turn the lights on because seeing in the dark is one of the perks that werewolves have. I make my way to the fridge and slowly open it.

As the fridge opens and its light partly illuminates the dark kitchen, I feel as if the gate of heaven has been opened for me.

After emptying half of the fridge, I creep back into my room. As I reach the landing to my room, my eyes find two silver eyes staring back at me in the darkness. For a moment, my breath hitches as the incident from this afternoon in the Ruins comes floating back to me in flashes.

Is that... Arles?

NO!

It can't be him. It must be Grace or Phoebe. Both of them have silver eyes as well and yes, dad has silver eyes too. Those eyes are pretty much away from me. They blink at me a couple of times before disappearing. I shrug as I enter my room, shutting the door behind me.

I continue studying and didn't realize when I drift into a dreamless sleep.

~

I wake up the next morning when I hear someone rapping on my door. I yawn before stretching like a cat and sit up, rubbing my eyes.

"Nefret, wake up! You're late!" I hear mom below outside my door and I sigh deeply. I have to go to school. One of the places that I dread the most.

"I am awake." I declare in my raspy, morning voice and hear fading footsteps signaling that my mom has gone away. I get up from my bed and go to my bathroom to get fresh for the morning.

As I put the toothpaste on my toothbrush and brush my teeth, I study my face in the mirror. I look so pale. My skin looks ghostly white and so does my eyes. The blue from my eyes has almost gone, only the black pupil and the dark outline of my iris remains. It seems like my eyes have on color. There's no color in my cheeks either and purple bags hang under my eyes.

My wild black hair descends to my back which looks messy at the moment. Of us three, I am the only one who got mom's prominent features otherwise my sisters are silver blond and have silver eyes just like dad.

I spit the toothpaste in the sink and wash my face before looking at my reflection once more and heading downstairs for breakfast.

I see my whole family has already assembled on the table. Dad and Phoebe are discussing some pack matters. Since we don't have a brother and Phoebe's the eldest of all, she's the future Alpha of River Red. Dad has groomed her to be like an Alpha. She hasn't taken over the Alpha position yet but she works under dad. For him, she's the ideal daughter.

On the other side of the table, I see mom talking to Grace about something. It's a fact that the youngest in the family are dearest to mothers. It's true in our case too. Since Grace is 10 minutes younger than me, she's the youngest of us three and mom's favorite.

Then there's me, the middle kid. Always left behind.

As I take a seat, the cook comes and places my coffee cup in front of me.

"Where were you last night?" Mom asks as I take a sip from my coffee cup. I can't help but roll my eyes at her. A good way to start my morning.

"Good morning to you too mom." I say as I load my plate with some pancakes.

"Answer my question, Nefret." Mom says calmly but the animalistic tone in her voice did not go unnoticed by me. I look at dad and see him patiently looking at me. I know that this time he won't save me from mom. I see Grace's eyes glint with mischievousness and Phoebe looks amused.

My sisters love seeing me getting into trouble.

"I was home last night, mom." I answer softly. Today, I am not lying. I am telling the truth. I was home last night, studying to make my future brighter. Please note the sarcasm.

"You're lying." Mom says and I scowl at her.

"I am no-"

"Stop it, Nefret! Grace saw you sneak into your room last night!" My mom bellows and I swear I felt the table shake under her voice. I feel my heart flutter in my chest and the couple of sips of coffee that I just had threatened come up my food pipe.

"I was home, mom." I say heavily breathing whilst looking at mom who's clutching the fork so hard that it's about to bend.

"She's lying." Grace says and I growl at her. Why can't she keep her nose out of my business? Now, I realize that those silver eyes were hers. She was keeping an eye on me.

"I am not. I was at home, studyi-"

"Stop it, Nefret." Grace growls at me. A part of me snaps and in the next moment, my coffee cup goes flying over to Grace, missing her by inches. It happened so fast, just in a flash. Grace lets out a squeal before rushing over to mom.

"NEFRET!" I hear my dad growl out loud, making the whole house shake. I look at him and find his eyes have totally gone black and his canines on display. He's breathing heavily and I can sense the Alpha power leaking off him. I look down, hanging my head low as tears threaten to escape my eyes. I feel a lump build in my throat but I swallow it down.

"Leave!" I hear Phoebe say. I rush upstairs before grabbing my bag pack and leaving the house without uttering a single word.

It's snowing heavily as I walk to school, thinking about my family.

They're so nice and understanding...