Prologue
Kylie Harding
POV
I was on a plane to London I needed to get out of there. I needed an escape and I thought about my cousin from my mother's side of the family who was halfway across the world. I put my headphones on putting on some music. I needed a distraction. I loved Tate McRae now. Her music always spoke to my heart and soul. Her songs always pulled at my heart strings. I always loved songs that did not just resonate with people but that spoke to their hearts. That is why I stopped writing because it did not come out of my heart anymore. I had to stop singing because it did not come out of my heart anymore. I could not write when I was happy. It was one of my many flaws. I could not write a good song of I was not unhappy. I put on some Tate McRae.
(Track "Tate McRae"
"Feel like s**t")
(Usually never cry at all
I would say I'm pretty tough
But it has been a couple weeks now and I still feel stuck in my lungs
And usually, I go out on nights
And not think of you once
But if they start playin' that song
I cannot help but to think about us, oh, oh
Really thought I would be done with the hardest part
When I pulled myself out of your arms
Wish I knew that was only the start
And now I'm fallin' apart 'cause
Last night for the very first time
You didn’t even try to call
Oh I, I, won't lie
I thought I might die
I couldn't even sleep at all
And maybe I'll get used to it (Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah)
But right now, I just feel like s**t (Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah)
Oh, oh
So, I kissed somebody else
Just to see how it felt
But all that was goin' through my brain
Was your hands around my waist
You know how to do it so well
Really thought I was done with the hardest part
When I pulled myself out of your arms
Wish I knew that was only the start
And now I'm fallin' apart 'cause
Last night for the very first time
You did not even try to call (Didn't even try to call)
Oh I, I, will not lie
I thought I might die
I could not even sleep at all
And maybe I'll get used to it (Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah)
But right now, I just feel like s**t (Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah)
Oh, oh
And if I get a little too drunk, I start thinkin',
"What if you were the one?"
I know that the damage is done, done
And I still have the shirt that you wore when we first met
It is there on the floor, I might kick it under the bed
Hopin' that I could forget that
Last night for the very first time
You did not even try to call
Oh I, I, will not lie
I thought I might die
I could not even sleep at all (At all)
And maybe I'll get used to it (Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah)
But right now, I just feel like s**t (Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah)
Oh, oh
Used to it
Feel like s**t)
===========
FLASHBACK
"I can't be with you Grey! Not like this. Not when there is someone waiting for you at home. Not when there's a little girls happiness on the line!" I shout
Grey and I were in his office. I place I used to frequent.
"Kylie I'm not giving up on Mira she'll always be my daughter. I told you Carryn and I are getting a divorce. I did not want to tell you I was married because I knew you would run. I was not happy in my marriage. We got married because one drunken night together she got pregnant. I f*****g love you! I have always loved you!" he shouts back at me.
"It doesn't matter. I am not going to be a home wrecker. It has done. We are done. I'm sorry I need to leave." I say softly walking past him towards the door
"Kylie you've got to be kidding me!" Grey shouts as I leave
"I can't do this anymore Grey!" I shout turning to face him.
"You keep f*****g with my brain! You always do this. You always make me seem like the bad guy. I wasn't the one who cheated!" I shouted
I thew my hands in the air. I walked towards the door. I knew this was pointless he will always be my weakness. When it came to Grey I did not think with my head. I think with this broken part of me others called a heart.
My hand touched the doorknob.
"I love you Kylie...." he says softly
"It doesn't excuse what you did Grey. I'm never forgetting this...." I said without turning back.
"What about our baby?" he asks
I keep walking. I did not know what to do. Yes, I was pregnant. I knew that my child would never know their father and I would never let Grey back into my life. No not when I knew if he apologized, I would forgive him in a heartbeat.
I fell in love with Grey when I was in high school and 12 years later, I still do. He was my first crush; he was my first real boyfriend, but it was all one big joke to him.
===============
This was the last bloody thing I needed. This song spoke to me in way my head did not want. I did not want my heart broken again. But I have always loved Grey no matter how many times his cheated. He saved me. He brought me light when I needed it, he helped me overcome one of the worst times in my life. He helped me heart heal; he kept the nightmares away.
I could not do it anymore, I had to get out of there. I had to think. I could not breathe. How could I be so stupid once a f*****g cheat always a f*****g cheat.
I did not learn from Cray when I dated him, and I did not learn from Grey. Greyson Bradshaw the guy I had a crush on since middle school. Best friend to the guy I dated before him. How had things gone so horribly wrong?
The flight lands and I look out of the window waiting for the rest of the passengers to get off. I had a fear of being recognized I knew he would find me and make me deal with my problems, but I was not ready. I was not ready to face him, his wife, or his child. How could I be so f*****g stupid. Of course, he did not love me. No man could ever love me. I was unlovable. Tainted. Ruined and disgraced...
I made my way out of the plane. The chilly air hitting my face. It felt refreshing. Maybe I should stay here and work on my music and my book. My truth. A big reason I was no longer the fun loving Kylie Harding. I used to be so much like my father growing up. But was not that person anymore. The reason being I was broken beyond repair...
I made my way into the airport and searched for my luggage. I knew I had to contact Tyler at some point.
I took out my phone and took it off airplane mode. One hundred missed calls from Grey. He has been calling since I told him I was pregnant. I could not deal with him right now. I search for Tyler phone number and search for it. Once I found it, I called him.
"Hey Kylie" Tyler answers
"Hey I'm in London. Tyler, I know this is a big ask but I may have messed up do you think you can help me. I need some big brother advice, but I can't ask Michael and Jackson." I ask trying to sound as happy as I could.
"Of course, you can come over. I will wait for you. Drive safely and keep an eye out for crazy drivers please." he says
"Thank you, Ty." I say before hanging up.
I was profoundly grateful to Ty. I would be out on the streets if he did not let me stay with him. I could not use any of my credit cards or bank cards without Grey finding me. That is what happens when you date an influential businessman. Can I call it date if I am a mistress? I ask myself
I carried my luggage out of the airport. There were a couple of taxis at the airport. I got into one while the driver put my luggage into the trunk.
"Where to ma'am?" he asks
"The Castle, Castle Avenue, Winchester SO23 8U" I answer
His eyes go wide as saucers
I almost laugh at his reaction. If I was in a good mood, I might have even flirted with him or even sleep with him. I did not hate men; I just did not feel I was worthy of love. I had been through so much that I did not think any man could ever love. I was not worth of love.
He drove and I put my headphones on again. Another Tate McRae song. You broke me first. Damn this song spoke volumes.
I might be an artist myself, but I never listened to my own songs. I did not sing anymore either. I could not bring myself to write any new songs. All I wrote were heartbreak songs. I was never happy enough to write any happy songs.
The car came to a stop, and I noticed Tyler’s Palace. I paid my cab fare and got out. I got my luggage from him and walked into Tyler's place.
I walked in and someone came to take my luggage from me.
"Would you like anything to drink?" Ella asks me as she hugs me.
I shake my head making my way over to my cousin. I sit beside him hugging his waist. I missed my cousin over the years. He was like a big brother to me. He was protective of me, but he would hear my side of the story before he reacted unlike my very protective brothers. Michael was a hothead and so was Jackson. People always thought Jackson was calm and was not the fighting type. One time a boy pulled my hair at the park it made me cry and he hit the boy straight in the nose breaking it. The boy was five years old.
Tyler wraps his arms around my shoulders. "What's wrong?" he asks
Hearing his voice made the tears that I've been holding in all week burst out.
"I-I me-messed up. I-I did not me-mean to Ty. I-I promise." I say
"Kylie tell me what's wrong so I can help you." he says kissing the side of my head. He tightens his hold around me.
"At school. A long time ago I dated this guy. He did not treat me very well. When we broke up, I dated his best friend behind his back and then I-I broke up with him when I saw him kissing my best friend." I explained.
"So, what happened?" Tyler probes me to continue.
"I saw him the other day. I was with another guy. We have not spoken in years and then he stopped me and asked me why I ghosted him. I got pissed and threw my coffee in his face and walked away. He followed me and demanded answers. So, I told him I saw him kissing Carryn (Pronounced Karen) and he explained how she kissed him, and it was not him. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I-I forgave him. We started hanging out again and I thought we had a future but boy was I wrong, and we slept together." I explain. I pull out if his arms. Run my hands through my hair. I sigh looking down at my hands. I did not like being the family screw up, but I was. Everyone else in the family was perfect and I was the screw up even my father thought that every time he would lecture me on my life choices. On how I needed to get my life together. How I was twenty-seven years old, and my life was messed up.
"So, you reconnected what's wrong with that?" Tyler asks bringing me out of my thoughts
What the hell is wrong with him. There is very wrong with this! I jump up turn to look at him and glare at my older cousin.
"He is married Tyler! Married to my ex best friend. He lied to me. I am a home wrecker. They have a daughter together. How could he do this to me? My first relationship since high school and this happens." I say thinking about Grey again. I started pacing. I could not believe how stupid I was to believe he loved me. I how stupid I was to believe he loved me.
"Look Kylie..." Tyler hold me in place. I look into Tyler's eyes. He does not look at me with hate why doesn't Tyler hate me? I am a home wrecker. I destroyed a happy family.
"Kylie this isn’t your fault. You did not know. You did not know he was married. You did not know he had child. You are not a home wrecker. This is all on him. He is the one who lied and deceived you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of." Tyler tries to convince me. But my mind was already made up. I could not change it. Not when Carryn approached me and told me I am destroying her marriage. Not when I saw her daughter who looked so much like Grey. I knew I messed up again. I knew I messed up beyond repair.
I did not believe him, but I nod anyway to get him off my back. There was so much more to this story. There were things hidden so far down in my heart it would turn even the strongest person into a coward. "T-There's more." I say. This has me thinking about my first pregnancy. I know that I would keep with baby. This child was a symbol of my love for Grey. I would raise this child as a single parent. This child was not made with bad intentions as my first pregnancy. Tyler hugs me.
"What more?" I hear Tyler ask
"I'm pregnant...." I blurt out.
I keep thinking about the first time I was pregnant I was fifteen. I did not mean to get pregnant. I was not even ready to have s*x at the time. I sat on the cold bench filling out forms. Grey holding my hand as I did. He was there for me when he knew I needed him. When we started dating, I could not even hold his hand without freaking out. He held my hand for the first time that day. He did not know all the details about the pregnancy, but he was there for me. He helped me when I got the abortion and when the nightmares started again. He was my rock when I needed him and my strength when I was weak.
"Ky. It is not the end of the world. You are a strong independent woman who does not need a man in her life to make her feel better. You are strong. You are the bravest person I know. Kylie I will stand right by your side no matter what you decide. I'll even go with you back to LA and help you tell your brothers if you decide to keep the baby." I heard Tyler say bringing me out of my thoughts
I nod tightening my arms around his waist and crying into his arms.
"Come on let's get you fed and ready for bed." he says walking me into the kitchen making me sit by the island as he heats the food.
The foods done and I eat. All I can think about is Grey and my dinner dates, our fun walks on the beach, our dancing together, singing together. The way he held me when I wanted to cry. The way he comforted me when I had a nightmare. Things with my life was crappy before he came back into it. I did not think I would ever see him again. Life has a way of knocking you down when life gets good.
Thinking about the little girl who looked at me, when her mother shouted at me for taking her father away from her. Grey and I were living together, and that little girl did not see her father anymore.
She looked sad and angry. Her lip trembled. I did not know. I did not know he was married, and I did not know he had a family. But I am the one at fault. I am the bad guy; I am the who is the home wrecker when I did not even know the man I loved was happily married.
I could not even say anything because I felt guilty for what I have done, and my dating history proved her right. Dating life or the lack there, of was put on international television. I was a disgrace because I have been seen with a different guy every night so no one would believe me even if I tried to explain. For the past five years I have lived a life without the night life, but people would think I was just keeping my affairs private since I no longer sing. I was a failure how could I tell my father I messed up again? How do I tell my father his mess up daughter did it again but this time she is broken up a whole family in the process and had a baby as well?