Chapter One ~ 1799-3
1216 Words
“Forgive me, Alyna,” he said, “but it’s really most extraordinary to hear a remark like that from a young lady of fashion.”
“I am not a young lady of fashion,” Alyna retorted crossly. “And I know that I could never be happy with a fool or make him happy either.”
“Why should you only meet fools?” Lord Dorrington asked.
“Because those are the only sort of men I am likely to encounter,” Alyna replied. “You don’t suppose that any man of intelligence would wish to perambulate round ballrooms all night or sit talking nonsense at long drawn out dinner parties to girls of my age.”
“I must say you surprise me,” Lord Dorrington replied.
“Papa and I talked about it,” Alyna said, “and he agreed with Mama that no man in the Social world wants a clever wife. Mama, of course, was angry with me for spending so much time in learning, but Papa said that when he was dead it would be a compensation to me in my dotage.”
“So they both made up their minds that you are to be an old maid!”
“Not Mama.”
Alyna paused a moment before she said bitterly,
“Mama is determined that I shall be married and quickly. It costs a lot of money to keep me at the Seminary and even more if I am to appear in the Social world. Besides, as Mama says, to have a daughter hanging around spoils her own chances with men.”
Lord Dorrington frowned, but he did not speak and after a moment Alyna said in a low voice,
“It was vulgar and – ill-bred of me to – speak like that. Will you please forget it?”
“I want you to speak frankly to me,” Lord Dorrington said, “because I feel that somehow I must find a solution to your problems. They are indeed, I grant you, rather more difficult than I suspected at first.”
“I thought you might think that,” Alyna said. “If I had any money, I could go away and live by myself.”
“By yourself?” Lord Dorrington asked.
“Well, with an older woman, perhaps my old Governess who is retired or even with Martha, a maid who has been with Mama since I was a child.”
“Do you think you would be happy living alone?”
“If I had lots of books to read, I would not worry about anything else,” Alyna answered. “You see Papa made me realise how one can journey round the world and still be sitting at home in an armchair. We made so many wonderful discoveries together. I learnt about people, their customs and their relationships. We read books in French and Italian and he promised me that, when I left the Seminary, he would take me to Italy.”
Alyna sighed.
“I suppose now I shall never see the glory of Rome.”
“It is a place you might easily visit with a husband,” Lord Dorrington suggested.
“You are still thinking I might get married,” Alyna said accusingly. “You are as bad as Mama! How could I tolerate living day after day with the type of young man who never reads a book and is interested only in gaming and drinking?”
“You are very critical,” Lord Dorrington said. “You must have met only unusual men.”
“The ‘crème de la crème’ of Society!” Alyna said with a scathing note in her voice. “Tonight the young gentleman who took me down to dinner thought that Magna Carta was a horse running at Ascot!”
Lord Dorrington threw back his head and laughed.
“You must have a penchant for picking out the ignoramuses. I will guarantee to find you some men who are not only intelligent but well educated.”
“And do you really think that your friends would be interested in the unattractive penniless daughter of Lady Maude Camberley?”
There was a pause.
Then Lord Dorrington repeated,
“Unattractive?”
“Look at me!” Alyna said.
He turned sideways in the soft-cushioned carriage to do as she had asked him.
It was difficult to distinguish her features under the elaborate coiffure that must have taken a hairdresser hours to achieve.
Curls hid her forehead and the outline of her cheeks. Only her eyes were clear to see, frightened, defiant and still starkly desperate.
“Do you really imagine that I would shine in the smart fashionable world?” she asked as he did not speak. “Mama was right when she said the only quality that I have is that I am young and the Prince in particular likes women to be young, fair-haired and blue-eyed.”
The voice was bitter.
Then Alyna added,
“It’s extremely unfortunate that I can do nothing about my eyes. They are sometimes green, sometimes grey, and nothing can make them a pretty bird’s egg blue.”
“You are a very unusual person,” Lord Dorrington remarked.
“Because I face the truth?” Alyna asked. “Papa said to me a long time ago, ‘never lie to yourself, Alyna, never pretend to be what you are not’.”
“I think the truth, as you see it, is perhaps unnecessarily harsh,” Lord Dorrington said slowly.
“Are you suggesting that I should believe it likely that I could become the toast of St. James’s?”
She lifted her chin defiantly.
His eyes seemed to search her face and then he said,
“Everybody has a different idea of beauty. To one man it means one thing, to another something quite different.”
Alyna turned her head away from him.
“You asked me why I shall never marry,” she answered, “and I have answered you. All that concerns me is how I can avoid having to – wed the Prince!”
“I think that is a battle you will have to fight on your own,” Lord Dorrington said. “But I want you to make me a promise.”
“A promise?” she asked quickly.
“A promise that you will have to keep,” he said his voice very firm.
“What is it?” Alyna asked.
“I want you to swear to me on the memory of your father, whom I think you loved, that you will not attempt to take your life again unless I give you permission to do so.”
There was silence in the carriage.
Alyna was looking down at her hands.
“And if I do – not give you my – promise?” she asked at last in a very small voice.
“Then I shall turn the horses round,” Lord Dorrington said, “and take you back to your mother.”
Alyna gave a little cry.
“You could not do anything so cruel! So treacherous!”
“I shall most certainly do so if you don’t give me your promise,” Lord Dorrington asserted.
There was a touch of steel beneath his voice that told Alyna that he was not threatening her idly.
“I thought you were being – kind to me,” she murmured.
“I am, although you may not realise it,” he answered. “Do you give me your promise?”
He put out his hand as he spoke and almost unwillingly she put her fingers in his.
“Swear to me, Alyna,” he prompted. “Say what I have told you to say, so there can be no mistake.”
He felt her fingers tremble and then hesitatingly in a low voice she said,
“I swear on the – memory of – Papa that I will not take my – life until you give me – permission to do so.”
“Thank you, Alyna,” Lord Dorrington said and released her hand.
“It’s not fair! You have no right!” Alyna cried.
“I think I have every right. When one saves another person’s life, it is well known that one assumes responsibility for them. I am afraid that I have no choice but to make you my special responsibility.”
“I don’t want your help. I don’t want – anyone’s!” Alyna said passionately. “I just want – to be dead!”
Lord Dorrington did not answer and after a moment she went on defiantly,
“I know you think me a – coward, I know you think I am a foolish, inconsequential – schoolgirl, but I cannot – help being afraid.”
As her voice broke on the last words, Lord Dorrington covered her cold fingers with the warm strength of his own.
“Courage, Alyna,” he urged. “I have a feeling that things are not so black as you fear, somehow there will be a way of escape.”
- Writer
