The First Wolves

18. THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER HUNGERED FOR

Jerrick and Jenny were waiting by the tight-lipped slit of the cave that their friends had been swallowed by, letting every possible doomed outcome stamp through their heads. Anxiety was so overwhelmingly powerful that Jerrick wrapped his mate in his arms, trying to calm them both. Thankfully, they felt a tug on the rope and rushed over to meet their friends. A bony had gripped Jenny’s soft one as she helped out the first of the wolves. Instantly, they covered their eyes as they realised the sun was too bright for them, it felt like the top layer of their eyes had all the moisture removed, making them rub the painful itch away. Jenny counted each wolf they pulled from the jaws of horror: sixty-two in total. Fidella and Conri appeared, and their alpha nuzzled his mate fiercely. It was clear that whatever they had seen in the mine had been profoundly upsetting for them both, and the Deltas didn’t want to interrupt a moment where they shared their strength with each other. Finally, Pea emerged, followed by Ewan and a wolf that they knew was his father, without introduction. The resemblance was too close to be a coincidence.

“Conri, carve the wolf. You were right. We can’t just run away. What the humans are doing to our kind is beyond barbaric. It is a sanctioned atrocity. Let them see the wolf wherever we have broken their strength. Let them see it until they fear it!” Fidella insisted, and Conri kissed her, knowing that she had seen what he had been feeling all this time.

He began to carve the wolf’s head, only this time he made deliberate changes.

The wolves made their way down the hillside, welcomed at the bottom with water, some bread and material that they used to cover their heads to shield them from the sun, the mountain shielding them from the watch tower. Understandably, they were wary of the guards, who had been spared, and were tied up wearing their most basic garments. They avoided walking near them. Otto was shocked by how emaciated the wolves looked. He had rescued many of their pack members from cruelty, but the ravaged souls before them was the most abhorrent sight he had seen to date. It was clear that these wolves weren’t strong enough to walk back to the camp, the heat already having an adverse effect on them. He was so lost in these thoughts that he was startled when Conri touched his shoulder.

“You are concerned, Otto, what troubles you?” Conri asked him.

“We need to find some type of transport to safely get everybody back to the pack. They are exhausted and weak.” Otto pondered as they were joined by Pepin and Ewan.

“The steam in the cave circulated wolfsbane, but only a diluted amount. They needed the wolves to work, but over time it would weaken even the strongest wolf,” Ewan mentioned, looking over at his father who was stretching.

“I saw some wagons as we came in. We could use our men dressed as soldiers to bring them here, load and cover our new members as if they had been sold to us, and then lead them out.” Conri suggested.

The three wolves nodded, it was a suitable idea, although they would have to destroy the carts on the way before they reached the hidden temple. Conri sought out Fidella, his eyes finding her instantly. She was standing at the base of the mine, holding cups of water to the slaves who were continuing to move the rubble, in order to fool the tower guard. Some of the wolves from inside the mine were helping, crying as they saw their loved ones, some even re-found their mates.

“How will we save them?” Ewan asked, nodding at the wolves who had already aided them by continuing the ruse.

“We swap them for the guards you have tied up,” Pepin announced. “I’ve been trying to escape for nearly thirty years, this has always been the best idea for the salt and rubble carriers.” He expanded.

All of them smiled as it seemed the next step of the plan was resolved. Using the mind link, the plan was explained. The warriors began placing the wolves on the wagon, while the ranked wolves untied the salt carriers and switched them with the soldiers. They put the salt baskets on their backs and cloth in their mouths. Before they managed to muffle the outrage of the last soldier, he yelled at Conri.

“You won’t make it far before we raise the alarm. If we all stop working, the tower guard will alert the garrison.” He ridiculed them.

“We have left your only water supply beneath the watch tower. By the time you reach the other side of this mine so that the tower guard can see you, you’ll be so desperate for water that you’ll keep walking and he’ll be none the wiser. Plus, we have strapped all that weight to you, we know it will slow you down, and hopefully kill some of you. We will cheer at our success while you and your brothers are fighting over the last sip of water.” Conri replied, amused as he enlightened the guard about his predicament.

“Although Alpha, we could always put him in the mines. I saw a heavy stone that will seal his fate for good,” The guard blanched at Ewan’s words, and made no further complaint.

He even opened his mouth to receive the rag.

The ranked females raided the stores, and took all the supplies they could. To any guard who was watching from the higher vantage point, it appeared as if the slaver who had arrived earlier was about to depart with his slaves plus two more carts full, and some soldiers to help him. A perfectly standard transaction for a slaver.

Pepin and Ewan sat by each other in the cart. He noticed his father seemed a little stunned. He placed his hand atop of his father’s clenched ones, hoping it would bring him some comfort. Bread and cheese were being passed around, Pepin took some and chewed it slowly, savouring the fresh soft texture and crunchy edge.

“What did you eat in the mine, father?”

“They would send a jug of water each day, hardly enough for each person to rinse their mouth. For food, they would send us oats and a little more water. We have just learnt to tolerate the feeling of hunger. Besides, the only thing I ever truly hungered for was to be united with you and Aoife.” At these words Ewan paused with grief.

His father had seemed so alert. Pea had described him as a hero, the one who did the most dangerous work to protect the others in the group. Aoife, his mother, was dead. That had been the only thing that he and Winnifred had been able to agree on, and the loss had been so great that, rather than die as Winnifred had predicted, his father had managed to fool himself that she was still alive. He had been claimed by the mate madness. Ewan’s heart broke, but the Beta’s mind was already planning how to tell him once he had recovered. How cruel was a world who would make a wolf lose his mate twice?

“I actually forgot what bread tasted like,” Pepin continued in wonder, but noticing his son’s expression, and not wanting to upset him with the harsher actualities of his life, he quickly changed the subject.

“You are the Beta to Alpha Conri. How did you two meet?” Pepin asked.

“We met at the House of Heaton. I was the trainer there. I pretended to be human. I wanted to know what happened to my real parents. I killed Magnus when he told me what they had done. Iselda killed Antonia,” Ewan, briefly explained.

“Antonia hurt your mum badly. I remember feeling the shadow of her pain in our bond the day after I was taken from Ludus. We did all that, so that you would never have to know the depravity of the House of Heaton. I don’t know how I feel about you going there, but I’m glad those monsters are dead.” Pepin gave his measured answer, thoughtfully.

“I think mum died from her injuries. I think that’s the pain you could feel.” Ewan admitted, desperate not to start their relationship with lies.

“Your mother’s not dead. I never felt the bond break. I’ll admit it is very weak, but it is still intact. She was my last firefly in the depths of the mine.” Pepin shared, confidently.

Ewan started at him for a moment, concerned by this revelation. He was hoping that telling the truth would remind him of his loss, not make him stubborn. The mine must have affected him more than Ewan had initially realised. Pepin noticed the concerned look on his son’s face, but misconstrued the reason behind it.

“Don’t worry son, we will find her again.” Pepin patted Ewan’s knee, and in spite of his heartbreak, it felt like the most natural gesture in the world.

Pea came closer to them, it was clear she had a close bond with Pepin.

“I was there when she was born, nobody knew how to help. I had delivered you, so I had a little clue of what to do. She was so round and full-faced that I gave her the nick-name Pea. Her mother died not long after, so we all helped raise her. Recently, she kept asking me to describe the sun, the feel of the air, and drops of rain as they fall. We decided to let her go up to the top, breathe air that wasn’t befouled by internment. Two months later, she returns with a rescue party.” He spoke proudly of her.

Ewan noticed the subtle shake of Pea’s head. She wanted him to think she had hidden for all that time, it wasn’t anyone’s place to alter that presumption.

Eventually, the wagons came to a standstill. The canopy was removed, and dusk had settled in the sky with soft shades of purple. Clambering out, everyone stretched, relieving the tension from sitting so long. Conri called out, gaining each wolf’s attention.

“Our pack is a short distance from here. To keep all pack members safe, we are going to destroy the wagons, and those of us who can shift will carry those that can’t on their backs.” He instructed.

“I can carry two. Would you hold on to Pea when I shift, make sure she doesn’t fall off, she won’t be used to it,” Ewan asked his father, who nodded.

Ewan transformed into Brodie, who was jumping on the spot in excitement. He ran over to Pepin, and positioned his head under his father’s hand.

“What a strong, healthy wolf you are, my son. Clovis will be so proud of you. Soon you will be in the woods together and howl at the moon. Neve will be ahead of us, because your mother’s wolf is incredibly fast,” Pepin promised him.

It made Brodie even more excited, but the mention of his mother again sent a tinge of sadness through him.

“Quit it Brodie. Lie down so that Pea can climb on!” Ewan ordered his wolf, after noticing the pack was waiting for them.

After Pea and his father were settled, Brodie dashed in the direction of the camp, eager to show them the pack and their new home.

“Go to the lake first, they can bathe and we can find new tunics for them. It might be a little overwhelming for them to go straight to the camp,” Fidella commanded in the mind-link.

The wolves instantly moved like a solid unit towards the wooded area of the camp.

Iselda collected the clothes, and swiftly returned to the camp to warn the pack members to be moderate in their welcome. Many of the she-wolves had gathered wanting to be helpful, but also hoping that their mate might be with the new arrivals.

“What is your wolf’s name? Is he good-natured? He looks just like Clovis,” Pepin asked his boy, while they walked the path to the camp.

He wanted to know all he could about him.

“He is called Brodie, he’s excited about the run with Clovis when he is well enough to come forward once more. He is very loyal. I couldn’t have wished for a better wolf.”

Ewan felt Brodie rub against his mind with affection, he felt the same way about his human. It had been only them for so long that their bond was unbreakable.

“I’m glad. Aoife always struggled with Neve, and I was worried that, because you weren’t with your family, that you would have similar difficulties.” Pepin admitted.

“I was with Caius, he was my family. Even though we didn’t always agree on things.”

“I hope your mother found solace with Neve after we were separated.” Pepin pondered aloud, but Ewan didn’t want to encourage his father’s fantasy of his mate returning from her unmarked grave, so he stayed silent.

As instructed, the pack were welcoming but substituted excitement for kindness. The she wolves were preparing a gentle broth, so that it wouldn’t irritate the new members’ stomachs. Giving directives was a short lady with red hair that had strands of grey running through it. Pepin stopped suddenly, as if he had been thrown back into a past memory, before he gathered his senses and patted his son’s arm, showing there was nothing to be concerned about.

“Winnie!” He called out joyfully, as there were only a few things he would have considered a happier sight.

Ghosts from her past were haunting her as she heard the name that only her friends from her youth had been allowed to call her. When she had been a young, headband wearing she-wolf, full of laughter and love. Before the matriarch had distorted her, before age had made her sharp and experience had made her cold. Who was the last person to call her that? Not that it mattered. She would never see any of them again.

“Winnie” Pepin called again, confused when she didn’t respond, or turn to look at who had called her name.

Winnifred dropped the ladle into the broth, the hot liquid stinging her arms. She was afraid to turn round, but terrified not to in case she was being haunted by memories that wouldn’t bring her comfort. Slowly, she braved her demons. There he was. She stumbled forward, clutching at her tunic. She refused to cry, so she called upon the numbness that had protected her for decades. Pepin could see she had changed, her jaw was set tight, her face devoid of expression. It seemed she was waiting for a berating, rather than a reunion. Pepin reached her in three large strides, and enveloped her in a brotherly embrace.

The pack gasped.

One she-wolf stepped forward, her anger and disappointment was odious to Pepin, who was shielding Winnie from the pack’s condemnation.

“She said you were dead. She told Beta Ewan to forget you and that he was selfish for wanting to find you after all that had been done to save him. You are hugging the matriarch who would have let you die!” She spewed venomously.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would be possible to survive the mate bond breaking. I did tell them not to look for you,” Winnifred confessed to him, her words muffled against his tunic as he held her tighter.

Pepin cast his glare over the pack members who clearly despised the woman he considered his sister. Conri and Fidella were preparing to intervene, but it seemed that Pepin would be the salvation that Winnifred needed, and they were happy for him to assume the role of her protector. Even better, her friend.

“After I was tortured by the Heatons, and had my mate torn from my arms only to be dragged into the slaver’s cart, the two things that kept me on the path of hope was that one day I would see my Aoife and son again. When I arrived at the mine, my cuts had become infected, but I was saved by the sixteen-year-old she-wolf who had the foresight to make sure I had thyme hidden in my clothes. If she hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be alive. I’m sure there are many decisions that she made on your behalf that kept you alive long enough to find freedom too. The fact that you don’t know about them tells me you had a more unburdened youth than she did. Everything she said is right. I wouldn’t have wanted my son to return to the place that nearly killed his mother and I, nor would I want him to risk his life pulling me from the mines, but as is the case for many of us, humans have forced us to become things we shouldn’t have. My son is his father’s saviour, and I am proud of him. You can keep your opinions, but Winnie is my sister, and I will not tolerate a harsh word or look aimed at her, so keep those opinions to yourself.” Pepin’s voice was measured, but his Beta strength added enough weight for the hostile members of the crowd to disperse.

He turned to look at Winnie, who seemed shocked by what he had said. He thought about her earlier words to him.

“Never apologise to me again. You were right to protect your nephew,” Pepin pulled her away so she could see his face, and understand the authenticity of his words. “The bond has never broken, Winnie. Aoife is alive somewhere. I know that, as sure as I know, that my own heart still beats.”

There was a painful, silent disbelief that followed Pepin’s words. Winnifred reached out, and rested her hands upon his comfortingly.

“I was there, Pepin. I saw her die. She was injured very badly. Nobody could have survived what they put her through,” Winnifred softly told him.

“She could have. She did. I bet you never found her body.”

Pepin’s conviction was so assured that doubt was cast in the minds of all the listeners, perpetuated further when Winnie confirmed that her body wasn’t discovered.

Winnifred and Ewan didn’t share the fantastical possibilities of their pack members, and their expression matched with the worry they had for the wolf they both loved so dearly, but recognised that his mind had become unreliable.