All Her Firsts

Chapter 3: First Crush

    I don't know why but my heart is pounding like crazy. I can literally hear my own heart beating like a drum. I’m usually confident when doing presentations, but this is only time I ever felt this nervous and conscious. The last time I ever felt this nervous was when I had to join a singing contest in my high school. I have never felt this way with anything academic. Is it because of him, and those darn good-looking eyes.

    I finished presenting exactly the way I practiced it several times last night. Throughout the whole time I try to avoid his eyes and focused on the other members of the panel. Whenever, they would ask a question, which I completely expected, I’d answer them straight ahead to avoid prolonging my agony, and while Prof Padilla and the rest of the panel are giving their feedback, I find myself shyly looking down to avoid any possible embarrassment.

    “This is the best site proposal I’ve seen today. Job well done, Ms Espinoza”, Professor Gamboa wraps up her feedback, which is mostly filled with compliments. 

    “Agree, one of the bests I’ve seen. At first glance, no one would expect that a third-year college student made it. Congratulations” Engr Juan Lorenzo adds. His compliment somehow makes me feel like I’m going to places once I graduate, and I couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear after hearing that. 

    "Thank you very much” is all I could reply before leaving the room with a big smile on my face.

    “How was it?” I find Ali standing in by the door patiently waiting for me. 

    “A+!” I beamed at her and we quietly celebrate while walking along the corridor back to our dorm. 

    “You got to treat dinner tonight” Ali says. 

    “I definitely will” I reply as I hug her. Ali is the only friend I can count on for support whenever I need it. I know she was waiting by the door to celebrate with me if I get a good grade or comfort me if I don’t meet my own expectation. I usually suppress my emotions to not be too happy nor too sad as much I can, but she knows how to help me show them and puts me out of such depressing state every single time.

    “I don’t want every detail of the report ‘coz that will be too much for a Science major, but I need to know why is that handsome man you checked out this morning sitting with the panel today. I saw him from the window.” Ali asks while we eat.

    I furrow my brows and roll my eyes and reply to her. “Oh come on Ali, are we not done with this whole checking out thing? Plus, his name is Engr Juan Lorenzo.”

    “Well, I’ve never seen you check out someone before. So no my dear Nat, we aren’t moving on from this that easily.” Ali says with a grin on her face and her eyes tell me she won’t let that pass. “This is the first time you are actually interested in a boy. Remember how my parents thought you were a lesbian when we were in high school? Gosh, I’ll never forget that. They were convinced you had a crush on me back then”, she excitedly continues

    "Well, first, don’t flatter yourself too much, okay? Second, he’s not a boy”

    “Oh my God, he’s gay!” Ali’s excitement cuts my sentence half way

    “What? No! I don’t know! How would I know that?” I shake my head and answer her with obvious frustration. “What I meant was he’s a man, not a boy. You always say there’s a difference between two. He’s probably 10 years older than us, and a Civil Engineering alumnus of our school”

    “Is he married?” Ali replies. I raised my eyebrows with her response, then I realized I didn’t take a close look at his left hand. I wish I did. I can’t believe I might be crushing on a married man.

    “If not, there’s nothing to be worried about” Ali takes a bite of her burger and continues “you said so yourself that he’s good looking. He is the very first man you ever find attractive, isn’t he?” Ali raises her left eyebrow and looks at me as she’s waiting for a confirmation for a question she already knows the answer to.

    “Well, yeah he is attractive, but I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. He’ll probably be just a passing crush. That normally happens to everyone, right?” as if I’m not too old for crushes.

    Ali and I keep going about how close to being impossible is it that, at 19, I have never had a crush before and that Engr Juan Lorenzo is setting my standards quite high. I start to talk about how his eyes were killing me during the presentation and how difficult it was for me to look at him until someone cut off our conversation.

    “The whole time that I was presenting, I tried my best not to look at him. There’s something about the way he looked at me that me feel giddy for no reason. Ali, I swear I almost screwed everything up just because of a crush. How could a man be both intelligent and good looking at the same time? How unfair is that to others, right?” I started telling Ali the rest of the details, but she just keeps looking to my left side as if she’s signaling something but I don’t pay attention, I want to keep talking about him and overshare to my best friend.

    “I mean, his voice and modulation are really manly too. He enunciates really clearly, which is kind of rare among engineers, right? He looks as if he spends a lot of time taking care of himself; he’s got a really nice skin, and seems to work-out too. I can’t be the only one thinking that he’s close to perfection” I keep going but Ali’s eyes and lips keep pointing at my left side

    “What are you loo…” I freeze

    “Uhm Excuse me. May I share the table? There aren’t any unoccupied one”

    Oh crap! Kill me now, There he is, standing next to me, Juan Lorenzo Mendoza himself.