Endeavor and Cinder - Choose Me

Chapter 2

My first instinct is to recoil. Maybe I said too much. Maybe I hurt his feelings. f**k! Who am I kidding? “Can’t save everybody.” tumble like dry weeds in a desert through my ears, tearing and ripping at my canals. I try to hold back. The silence in the room that was built for him and I, felt emptier than ever. Our bodies have not moved far from the door. The air conditioning kicks on, signifying the increase in the room’s temperature. I am so angry. Whether at myself for thinking so highly of our relationship or at him for not .

“Why?” The word hurts as it rolls off my tongue and tears fill my face.

Just turn and look at the sadness you have caused! His back is so broad, it casts a shadow over my body. It is unmoved by my emotions, my words. As I watch for any sign of sympathy or empathy. Give me something.

Before I allow myself to acknowledge his irrevocable distance, I make a firm decision. “This is too much.” I whisper and then turn to make a quick exit. What was I thinking? The door knob slides in my sweaty palms, I need to go before I suffocate under the weight of my unrequited love. “Don’t leave….Please,” stops me in my tracks. “If your next words are going to break my already broken heart further, I don’t want to hear them!” I yell back at him.

“I can’t. I don’t think hearing.. .” The flood gates open and I feel myself falling apart, showing him my most vulnerable sides. All these years, I couldn’t bring myself to love another. I have been going from relationship to relationship, searching for the blazing heat that was once provided casually by this man. He did not deserve to see my blubbering. He owed me nothing. As far as he is concerned, we were just friends. He turns back towards me, finally showing me those piercing eyes. “I’m sorry. I have burdened you with these feelings. I can’t let you see what I have kept hidden. I feel like I am trying to guilt trip you into understanding how I see you. How I feel.” I find the courage to tell him that I don’t expect him to reciprocate, at least that is what I try to convey.

“Do you take me for a fool?” He growls, then steps closer to me. His hand ignites, then he presses it to my cheek. The heat drives me to close my eyes as I listen to him scold me. “Why would I forget you?” He gently caresses my face as I lean into his palm. “Why?” His arched brows soften while he waits for me to respond.

“You left me. I know you have goals but you walked away from us like I hadn’t been loyally by your side. “ Saying my feelings makes me want to pull away. I mentally beckon myself to stop speaking while coaching my heart to release the weight loving him has put on it. “No matter how people view you, all I have ever seen was a big, brawny, loving man. I thought we had something. I thought that one day I would…I would be the one you had your babies. “ I quietly laugh as the embarrassment of my words warms my face. His eyes glare at me intensely from his beautifully structured, yet always serious, face. Please say something.

“Have a seat. You look like you want to run. Just sit down. Let’s talk.” I wince at his words. They can only mean that he needs to bust my bubble. He needs to set the fantasy I live in straight. For a moment, I hesitate. I can still make a break for the door. f**k! I’m a coward. My body doesn’t agree and I step forward. Our bodies move in sync, slowly waltzing towards the end of the bed.

He lets out a short breath, then sharply looks away. “The pedestal you placed me on was daunting. You saw something in me that I couldn’t possibly fathom being true, but I felt like, if I could take this greatness that you saw and blend it with something that was completely opposite of myself or us. Then it would in fact be perfect.” He moves in. His breathing gently pushes the curl that rests on my forehead. “So we are imperfections?” I ask, drowning in my low self-esteem.

“Yes,” he says without hesitation. “You and I are the destroyers. No matter how we perfect our flames, we are only good for maximum destruction. The most negative things in this society involve fire. Anger, Hell, Lust. People enjoy admiring the sun from afar but NO ONE wants to see it up close. “ I wrap my arms around my body and rock. “You’re scaring me.” I whimper then look away. His hate for our fire says so much. Then he sat back up right looking towards the windows.

“I still remember when our flames ignited for the first time. When our fingers intertwined. It was late and I was walking you back to your dorm. Our knuckles bumped and I had to know how your skin felt pressed against my own. I didn’t even try to set my hand on fire, your flames kindled mine. It was warm and inviting. After that night, all I could think about was touching it again, and again. So I did.” He stands up and leaves my side as if something out in the darkness of the night is calling for him.

“I relive those moments on the regular.”

“Then that day you ran into this room and fully combusted, setting the floor and bedding on fire. You disintegrated the carpet, scorched the wood and left soot on the cement below the wood. I was turned on. That scared me. If I was to ever allow myself to be engulfed in those flames, I would never be able to abandon my imperfections. Every day I would have to face them…face you.” Tears once again cover my face. I push them away with both hands. I spent so much time, so many years, looking in the mirror, degrading my brown skin and dark brown eyes because I was sure that was the reason he left me. Here he is now, telling me that he can not adequately hate himself with me around.

“Your resentment towards your quirk….is the reason?” I stand up and make my way towards him. Anger boils and rises within me.

“Yes.” As soon as he turns and speaks that single word, I clap his chiseled face.

“How f*****g dare you! I thought you hated me! I believed I wasn’t worth loving! The man I knew was my destiny had forsaken me, without looking back! WITHOUT f*****g LOOKING BACK!” I fall to my knees, unable to hold myself up. I want to say that it’s not his fault but why does he get to walk away without feeling the pain he left behind?

“So many years, ENJI! I have been hurting. I could not bring myself to give up on you. No matter how many times…..” Again I work to smother the flame that keeps igniting. He reaches down to help me up but I don’t want it. I roll over and push myself to my feet, then plop back down on the bed. He follows behind me.

“Candra…No. Candy. Look at me.” He stands over me, again washing me in his darkness.I only want his light. I look up. Defeated. I am ready to allow him to see the depths of my anxieties in my empty eyes. He swoops down and snatches a kiss, so full and hearty, that I fall backward onto the bed.