A Shadow of an Illusion

I looked at the students that are preparing for their classes. It is the first day of the school year that is why everyone is so busy. I just took a small break dahil malapit na rin naman ang lunch time. Nakita ko rin ang tatlong student councils na abala sa pag-aayos ng mga papeles ng bagong mga estudyante. I also saw my first students that are now teaching the new ones. They really are mature now. I remember when they are still teenagers, they are so chaotic. Well hanggang ngayon pa rin naman. Mukhang madami rin ang may mission ngayon dahil maraming nalabas ng campus. It is either by group or individually. I smiled because I can see their bond. Isang bond na hindi basta-basta masisira. My eyes shifted to the students who are laughing and talking to their group of friends. I keep on looking at this peaceful place that I made because I wanted them to be strong. I do not want to repeat the past again. They need to be strong in order to protect someone that they love and in order to fight for what they believe is right. My mind drifted to the war that happened years ago. The first time that I feel that emotion called love. It has been 20 years since the great war ended. Iyon rin ang taon kung kailan ko naranasang magmahal. My first and my last love. And I don't think I can love someone else as strong as my love for him but I think, we are never meant for each other. Because he is a dark wizard and I am a Goddess.  They said I am such a fool to fall in love with an enemy but can they blame me? If I saw another side of him? A side of him that no one knew except for me. Siguro nga kung hindi kayo ang para sa is‘t-isa, hindi talaga kayo no? Kahit na ipaglaban mo pa siya kung ang mas pinili niya naman ay ang ambisyon niya kaysa sayo, ipaglalaban mo pa ba siya? At ang ambisyon pa na iyon ay salungat sa paniniwala ko. They said that he is so evil and he is born that way ngunit likas nga ba sa isang tao ang maging masama? Hindi ba't lahat tayo ay ipinanganak na mabuti? Totoo nga bang wala nang liwanag pang makikita sa kaniyang mga mata? Totoo nga bang simula pa lamang ay masama na siya? No, I don't think so. I believe I have seen a different side of him. “Menrui.” I heard someone called my name. Someone that is so familliar to me. Someone who did not leave my side even if I pushed her away. I smiled at her and stood up to greet her with a hug. “Elysium,” nakangiti kong sabi. She is wondering around this campus dahil ang sabi niya, nalalapit na ang araw na makikita na namin siya. Ang tagapagmana ng mahika ni Elysium. Lumapit siya sa akin at umupo sa upuang nasa aking harapan. “Iniisip mo na naman siya.” Seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin. Natigilan naman ako sa sinabi niya. She never change huh? She is still an observant. Observant na minsan ay nakakainis na dahil hindi ka na makapaglihim sa kaniya. “Minsan huwag ka namang masyadong observant. I need some privacy too you know,” I said jokingly at her. “Do not change the subject, Mistress,” she said in sarcastic way. Alam niya kasing ayokong tinatawag nila ako ng Mistress. It is for the students only. Mapait naman akong napangiti. “Hindi madaling kalimutan ang una‘t huli mong pagmamahal, Elysium, at alam mo iyon.” “It has been what? Twenty years since that happened, Menrui, kailangan mo nang tanggapin na hindi siya kailanman papanig sa atin.”  “Alam ko, Elysium. Alam ko. Tanggap ko na iyon at kailanman hindi ko na uulitin pa ang pagkakamaling naging ugat ng lahat.” Sinamaan naman niya ako ng tingin. “Ang pagkakamaling naging susi sa kalayaan ng mundong ito.” Pagtatama niya sa aking sinabi. “Hanggang kailan mo ba sisisihin ang sarili mo ha?” pasinghal niyang tanong sa akin. “Until I can say that everyone have already forgiven me.” Pabulong kong sabi na alam kong narinig niya. “We have already forgiven you, Menrui. Ano pa bang ebidensiya ang kailangan naming ihain sa’yo para mapatawad mo ang sarili mo?” she asked me. Napailing na lang ako at itinaboy siya papaalis. “Umalis ka na. Baka makita ka pa ng mga estudyante rito,” sabi ko sa kaniya.  “Forgive yourself, Menrui. Just like how you have forgiven him,” sabi niya bago siya tuluyang naglaho.  How can I forgive myself if I am the reason why everything is in chaos? Na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin namin napupuksa nang tuluyan ang mga kalaban. Na hanggang ngayon, dahil lang nagmahal ako, nagkagulo na ang lahat. I look at the campus grounds again. May nakita akong isang tao na nakatitig sa akin. I know I am so far away from the ground but it seems like he is looking straight into my eyes. I know those familliar emotionless eyes. Ang mga matang natutunan ko ring mahalin. The owner of those ruthless eyes, that one person I can't forget. “What are you doing here?” bulong ko sa sarili ko kahit wala naman na akong ibang kasama rito. I repeatedly blinked my eyes and then he was gone. Bumalik ako sa pag-iisip. Pag-iisip sa nakaraang kailanma'y hindi ko na nanaising mangyari muli. Ang nakaraang kung ako ay tatanungin, dapat ay hindi na ito nangyari pa. Yes, I fell in love in that year but because of that love, everyone suffered. That is why I do not want to go back in the past. Ngunit ang nakaraang ito ay nag-iwan ng aral na patuloy kong dadalhin habang ako ay nabubuhay: That a shadow was once a light, and a shadow needs a light to keep on living. But what if that shadow reflects an illusion? Does an illusion really have a shadow?  Aren't those were just a mere image created by our minds? This is the story of an illusion goddess that fell in love with an enemy.  A shadow. “I am just a shadow,” he said. “And I am just an illusion.”