Rejected Mate

Chapter One: My Wolf.

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.” George Carlin.

I lost my other half a long time ago, and to tell the truth, I couldn’t be happier. No pain from shifting nor worry to turn when enraged. It was a blessing for me. At first, at least. With time, I learned that it wasn’t easy. I felt empty, alone and lost. My life lived without a purpose, estranged from my pack. I became bitter, driven by jealousy.

I couldn't help but getting jealous whenever there was a full moon, or whenever I see my family and pack turn. A weird smile plastered on my face whenever they had to be careful around me, aware of my sensitivity to the subject and burning pain of envy I had towards them.

They looked happy in both human and wolf form. I resented how free they looked, how connected and strong they seemed. But what I resented more was the silly pride I have not to admit my mistakes.

I hated myself.

Lucians, my pack, is one big happy family. My dad, the Alpha of the pack and ruler, for lack of better terms, strengthened our pack by accepting all other beings to join the little family we have.

Apart from wolves, we have witches, warlocks and vampires. Life within our pack was absolute, unlike others out there. Our strength lies in our bond, diversity and unity.

Soon enough, our pack was recognized amongst the strongest ones in the world.

A big family with my father as the head. The Alpha. He’s loved and respected by everyone. Elders accepted his wisdom, and kids looked up to him. They lived for his bright smile, and he lived for their happiness.

My father’s life was going to be perfect if it weren’t for me. I existed; the big flaw and dark spot in this heavenly-like life. He didn’t say it, but I could see it in his eyes. . . in their eyes. I knew they felt the sadness behind the fake smile, and I hated their sympathy for something which was caused by nothing but destiny.

Destiny. This word lost its meaning to a lot of beings out there, yet, no matter how much you’d try to evade it, it catches up to you. It stops you in your track either to brighten your life or hinder it.

Destiny brought beings together and pushed others apart. Destiny is like an inevitable ending to a trail no matter which way you’d take.

My father was a true believer and followed that trail towards his own destiny, which lead him to my mum, a witch. It was at times where certain beings couldn’t be together and was punishable by death if they did. It was a bigoted thinking that my parents opposed, linking their bodies and souls. They ran away from oppression and established a little home for themselves.

He told me the story of how he started this pack. He said it with so much pride which I admired him for. He talked about the lost souls who stumbled his way; from lone wolves to rogues, my dad accepted them all under his protection. He worked hard to get his voice heard, and forthwith, other subjugated beings joined him.

My dad is a fighter, a fierce one. Therefore, other packs acknowledged him and our pack's strength as a force not to be reckoned with.

When I was born, they knew I was special. They couldn't wait for me to find my wolf. . .and my other half. My parents were ecstatic, and so was my pack. And growing up and learning about who we are, I couldn't wait to be complete.

I didn't expect to be disappointed and hurt once I finally did.

On my tenth birthday, something happened that caused me a lot of pain.

When I turned, I was very happy to hear his voice.

My wolf, or Damon as he wished to be called, was different than any other wolf. The power radiating from him was undeniable, his strength was incredible.

Everyone gathered around mesmerized by the beauty of our fur, raven black with a tint of electric blue on his ears and tail. His eyes were the same color as my human form, blue with flecks of gold and crystal, so captivating.

Damon was beautiful, but I lost him.

My father held the Vera Forma ceremony, which was always conducted to celebrate the transformation and finding of true form for youngsters in wolf packs. During the ceremony, I was happy, dancing and laughing with my best friends Hayden, Lucas and Ezekiel. The sense of belongingness was overwhelming, my happiness was overflowing.

I was a happy child, but destiny thought otherwise.

The music abruptly stopped at the request of my father. His eyes sunken as he searched the crowd, dulled in concern and worry. And when our eyes met, my stomach did a turn and I doubled on the ground in pain.

I wish I felt that pain because of his worried glare or the fact that I was scared. The excruciating pain was unbearable for the small kid I was. My heart burned as if it was inflamed, my tears stinging, overflowing down my cheeks, looking up confused, hoping my father or anyone could stop this feeling.

Although I was young, I understood what it was. Seeing my mother’s tears and my father’s sympathetic glare; hearing the pack’s doctor encouraging words to pull through the pain.

It all downed on me.

I was rejected.

My mate had claimed or have been claimed by someone else instead of me. My mate couldn't wait to meet me and loved someone else who wasn't me.

I was ten, and I didn't know what love was, but the pain I felt that day made sure that I'd never feel that way ever again.

I suffered for two years after that night, with Damon's constant whining to go find our mate, and my father’s assurance of destiny’s big plan for me. I refused to turn and was only forced to do it on a full moon, which distanced me from my wolf.

I hated seeing my pack members being happy with their mates while I was miserable thinking of my own. I hated the word mate and how it defined my life. I hated people’s whispers about the rejection, avoiding me like if I was infected with an uncurable disease.

But who I hated the most was my wolf. Without him, I was fine. I was happy and hopeful, and most importantly, full of life. I hated Damon which lead to what I did next.

One night, on a blood moon, I had enough and did the worst thing I could possibly do to my wolf, but I wouldn't deny the fact that it relieved me from all the pain. I stole my mother's Grimoire and took a different path than my pack in the forest. I prepared an alter and waited.

I remember how I debated if it was the right thing to do, blocking the small voice in my head that wanted to change my mind. And when Damon was about to take control, I cast a spell.

My wolf was begging me not to do it, but I didn't care. I was blinded by anger and I blamed him for what happened. I blamed the fact of being a wolf which caused me all this unnecessary pain, and I blamed my mate for wanting someone who wasn't me.

I heard my mother screaming for me to stop and mumbling words to prevent the spell, but it was all done. I sealed my fate and condemned myself to never fall in love.

I didn't realize what I have done back then, that until he stopped whining and never spoke a word to me again. I couldn't turn after that even on a full moon.

I was rejected again, but this time, by my wolf, and I’m the only one to blame.