Emotionless Badass

Chapter 4: Describe Him In One Word

"Anything interesting happen in school today?" mom asked as I sent Vince a glare to shut his mouth.

Dad was quiet and dug into his own thoughts, him and mom got into a fight since Kate, my oldest sister, is sick from the battle with her cancer and they hate each other. It's not any specific reason, they just don't like each other anymore.

I figured it was because of dads alcohol problem, when he gets drunk he's mean. I don't mean rude, I mean abusive.

I looked to Kate as she sent me a smile, I sent a soft one back as she lifted her fork and spoke with her careful voice "Lana, why are you single if you're so beautiful?" She asked me with a curious glare.

My heart fell, she has such low self esteem, after losing all her hair she went into this obsession of me, like she wanted to live her life through me. I hated God for that, I still do, because she deserves a long loving life too. She shouldn't have to live through me.

I didn't mind since I know... well she knows, that she doesn't have much time here. It's too strong and even with the greatest doctors we can't beat it.

Letting a small laugh escape I took a bite of the roast, "Kate, Why are you single if you're so beautiful?" I asked back at her.

Starring straight into her mesmerizing turquoise eyes, knowing she damn well better believe she's gorgeous.

She smiled and shook her head laughing "I love you Lana." She said softly while staring at me through her lashes.

Last year she was in college up north but dropped out as soon as she found out about the cancer.

It hurt me that she couldn't be the veterinarian she always wanted and dreamed to be.

I smiled "I love you too Kate." I said giving her a wink.

Vince cleared his throat and reached for another roll, "Kate, we got this bad boy in school and Lana's got a thing for him." He smirked just wanting to start s**t.

Sending him a scowl I punched his shoulder across the table.

Dad choked on his food making me drop my face into my palm in disbelief that Vince would say that knowing who our father is.

Mom let her fork hit the table and Kate starred with a big hidden smile and wide eyes.

"The schools bad boy?" Dad spoke looking to me in fury, Vince only said I had a thing for him, that doesn't mean I f****d the guy.

I rolled my eyes lifting my head up all the way, "No, I don't have a thing for Ben. I spilt my lunch all over his shirt and offered to clean it." I said as if it was nothing. Because it was nothing, wasn't it?

He scoffed "After he pinned you to the wall and then got up in your face?" Vince laughed and leaned forward.

I looked to mom and dad who where arguing about how out of all the guys in this town I choose a bad guy because I was neglected and blah blah blah.

Kate asked Vince about everything and he filled her in making me smile as she seemed to look as if she was in mad love.

She always loved bad boys.

"Oh come on mom, Kate likes bad boys too calm down!" Vince said gesturing to Kate who laughed so hard she snorted.

I laughed, eventually snorting too.

Such an unattractive thing, but its our thing and I love it. Usually only happens when I laugh really hard.

"Kate won't be dating a bad boy." Dad said with his jaw clenching as he tried to keep a straight face while we snorted in laughter.

I laughed and doubled over as I looked at my moms face horrified and in disbelief that her precious Kate could be interested in some bad boys.

As much as my parents won't admit it, Kate's dads favorite, and Vince is moms favorite. I'm just kinda there.

But whatever, I live to please my sister not them. She is my best friend, sure Misty is too but Kate's my greatest friend. The only one I run to with all my secrets, the deep fearful ones I can't even be honest with myself about.

We finished dinner and I headed up the stairs with Kate to tell her everything that Vince didn't know about. As usual she rushed me inside and shut the door squealing.

Sitting on her bed, she locked the door and sat down beside me biting her lip in excitement. "Gush, come on." She said sitting back and gesturing for me to lay down.

I laid my head on her lap as she ran her hands through my hair, she loved it, it made her remember how it felt and it kept her sane so she says.

"So tell me about this Ben boy." she said smiling as wide as possible. Sometimes I think God is just such an ass for not letting Kate enjoy a romance that knocks her off her feet.

I shrugged "He's attractive I guess, well technically he's like this mean broody man walking around always angry." I laughed not knowing where to begin with him. Maybe the fact he's super intimidating and horrifying, but also kind of hot.

She nodded "describe him in one word." She pondered squinting her eyes and smirking.

I thought about it for a good two minutes, "Angry...or s*x" I stated confidently with a nod to add an extra humph.

She laughed again "Sounds like a very attractive man. So, what is his voice like?" She asked squirming into the bed deeper.

I thought back at the cafeteria, the way he seemed so angry but also sexually frustrated "Strong, angry." I said thoughtfully.

Kate made a satisfied sound and I hit her hand softly "Oh come on, imagine him saying 'oh Lana! Lana!' You can't deny it would be so hot." She c****d an eyebrow.

Sighing I shrugged "Thanks to Misty I have the image of my licking mustard off the zipper of his jeans stuck in my mind." I laughed smacking a hand to my face keeping my eyes shut.

She ran her hand through my hair "That'll be something nice to imagine while passing time. Misty is such a dirty girl. Are you sure you're a virgin?" she asked looking me over.

I scoffed "A virgin everywhere but in the mind." I said sitting up and smirking at her.

Kate looked so deep into thought then spoke "Girls have such dirtier minds than men do." Her eyes moving to me for approval.

I nodded "Honest truth." I agreed.

She starred at me as she began braiding my hair, "So, do you like this Ben guy?" She asked low.

Absolutely not.

"He's very emotionless, so no. Although I have to admit he's got nice arms." I sucked in my lips to avoid a smile.

She gasped "I bet he wants to pull you into them and bang you up against the lockers." She said laughing.

I smirked "Oh yeah totally." I said sarcastically.

Laughing she pushed me over "You're blushing! Vince said Ben beat the crap out of some kid. Did he hurt you when he pinned you?" She asked looking over my neck.

I lifted my hand to my arm thoughtfully, "No, no, it just turned me on." I laughed shrugging.

Furrowing my brows I looked up to see Kate smiling wickedly "I cant wait till he falls for you." She smirked waggling her eyebrows.

A knock to the door made us jump, "Come on Lana, Kate needs her rest." Mom called catching us both off guard.

I sat up and Kate kissed my forehead and I smiled at her "Goodnight little sister. I hope he realizes how amazing you are." She said sighing.

Walking to the door, I unlocked it opening to see my mom giving us a look over.

She gave me a reassuring smile as she went inside to give Kate her medicine. I hated watching Kate receive her medication because it was just a reminder that she won't actually be with me forever.

Walking to my room, I stripped down and showered, drying off and slipping on a tank top and shorts as I hopped into bed.

Today was a crazy day.

And now all I can think about is licking foods off Bens zipper. I don't mind, it's quite a nice thing to picture, much better than fantasizing s*x with my professor.

How the hell did I go from hating the guy to fantasizing about licking condiments off him? God I need help, and guidance. A lot of guidance.

Maybe I just need to stop being such a prude, I've never even kissed a guy and I act like it's such a good thing but like, everyone has. Why the hell haven't I?

That's it, Friday I intend on losing my first kiss. I don't even care if it's with one of Vince's freak weirdo friends. I'm tired of worrying about this thing, and who says first kisses even have to be special?

No one, that's who.