Alpha's Legacy (Black Moon Saga Book 3)

16. A New Friend, A New Perspective

I haven’t been paying attention to much other than my conversation with Lee for a while now, and when I finally glance up and take a look at the sky, I realize with panicked horror that we’ve been sitting here for over an hour or so. The sky has that late afternoon look about it, and I’m pretty sure that Tian has returned from Redwood by now. He won’t be happy to find that I’m not there, especially if Maggie has already come back without me.

“I need just a minute,” I tell Lee apologetically.

Though he gives me a look that is both confused and concerned, he gestures to tell me to proceed with whatever it is I need to do.

As much as I hate having to do this in front of him, I pull out my phone so I can text Tian, knowing that even though I’m probably already in trouble, it will only get worse the longer that I make him worry.

Anna Jade? Where are you? he answers almost instantly, telling me that I was right to assume he’d be worried by now.

With a friend, I tell him vaguely. Maggie ditched me part of the way through our tour, and I ended up getting kind of lost, but I ran into a new friend who helped me out. We’re just hanging out now.

Is this new friend male or female? he demands to know next. And you still haven’t answered my first question. Where are you?

I’d rather not say. To the first, because I don’t want you to overreact, and to the second, because I don’t entirely know. But my friend knows where we are, and we’re safe.

Male then, he assumes, and I can tell he’s irritated now. Since when did you become so boy-crazy, Anna Jade? I want you to come back here immediately. I don’t like not knowing where you are or who you’re with, and the fact that you feel a need to keep secrets from me tells me I won’t like the answer to either question.

It’s Lee, I finally confess, frustrated and irritated myself. But I get the sense that he’s supposed to be somewhere else right now too, and I don’t want to get him in any trouble, so I didn’t want to tell you and therefore Alpha Magnus.

He doesn’t answer for a moment, so I take the opportunity to say the rest of what I’m thinking.

And I’m not boy-crazy! I just enjoy people who see me and are kind to me. I don’t get that back home.

He’s being kind to you? Are you sure he’s not just toying with you for his own amusement? I don’t know him to be a particularly kind person.

That’s because you don’t know him at all! I answer him, beyond irritated now. I’m going to have to watch myself or I’ll be getting into a whole other kind of trouble.

And thanks for always assuming the worst of people regarding me. I’m starting to think that it’s you who thinks I’m not good enough, I add bitterly, remembering how he acted this same way when I first met Rowan.

That’s not it at all Anna Jade, and you know it. I just worry for you. You’re rather innocent and inexperienced, and there are a lot of people who will try to take advantage of that.

Not Lee, I insist stubbornly. And not Rowan. I’m two for two now, and you’ve been wrong both times.

He’s quiet again for longer than I’m comfortable with, and I’m beginning to worry that I’ve overstepped. I’m more comfortable with Tian than with most other people, but he’s still my parent, and I’m not quite an adult yet. I know I shouldn’t be so sassy with him.

I’m just about to grovel and apologize when he finally says, I’ll extend you this amount of trust, Anna Jade, but you get yourself back here before dark. I don’t want you out in an unfamiliar place with a man you barely know after then. Understand?

I understand perfectly, Tian, and thank you. You’re the best!

I love you, Anna Jade. You be sure and look out for yourself.

That seems to be the last of our conversation, and I exhale with relief as I stow my phone away, still shocked that it went so well.

“Daddy dearest?” Lee teases, smirking at me.

“Yeah, I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t worrying that I’m not back yet,” I explain, though I’m sure he’s going to tease me for that too.

But instead, he takes on a thoughtful expression and seems to be studying me for a bit.

“You really can’t let yourself stop caring what other people are thinking and feeling about you, can you,” he says after a moment. “It really bothers you in a way I can’t even imagine. It must get so exhausting always trying to please everyone and carrying around the weight of failure at every turn.”

“Ouch,” I say softly, and not to be funny.

That really kind of hurt to hear him call me a failure, and this after I’ve finally been getting more comfortable with him. He sat here and listened while I spilled my guts about a lot of stuff that’s been on my mind lately – Emerick, my ex-friends’ betrayal, the way I get treated for being a caster back home, and even Uncle Pete.

Er, I mean Pete. I’ve really been trying to put Anya’s advice into practice, even if I don’t quite understand why it bothers her so much. I also don't really understand why I couldn't bring myself to even say his name aloud at all, as if sharing him with Lee might somehow tarnish our special connection. I only referred to him as a close family friend, and to my relief, Lee didn't push for more details than that.

And though he hasn’t gotten around to telling me too much about himself yet, I’m beginning to consider Lee as a friend. He’s a good listener and is surprisingly supportive with the responses he comes up with. I thought we’d gotten away from the whole “goody two shoes” thing, and that he was starting to gain some respect for me too.

But now I’m not so sure, and Tian’s words of caution are circling in my mind as I’m becoming overwhelmingly aware of how I even smell like Lee now that I’m wearing his borrowed shirt. I liked that at first, but it’s suddenly starting to bother me. Problem is, my shirt was covered in his blood, so I don’t really have any other options.

I didn’t even realize that I was starting to rise to my feet until he grabs my hand and tugs me back down again, causing me to tumble forward rather awkwardly and practically face-plant in his lap.

“You know, Anna Jade, if that’s what you want, all you have to do is ask nicely,” he says slyly, though it takes me a couple seconds to figure out what he even means.

When it hits me that he means oral favors because of how I landed on him, the heat rises to my face much fiercer than ever before. I’m practically in tears by the time that he reaches out to hug me.

“Hey, I’m just joking,” he assures me softly, his voice soothingly low and rumbly, almost like how Adam sounds when he’s trying to comfort me. “And I think you misunderstood what I was saying before. I didn’t mean that you’re a failure, not in the sense of it being your fault anyway. I just meant that it’s impossible to please everyone, and in fact, it’s impossible to please even just the majority of everyone. Anyone who spends their life trying is inevitably going to fail, and fail often. That’s all I meant.”

“Oh,” I say, feeling stupid now for overreacting like that. “So, what am I supposed to do then. Just stop trying?”

I say it because it sounds ridiculous to me, but when I look at him, he’s nodding his agreement.

“That’s exactly what you should do. And no, I don’t mean give up on everything and just do nothing from now on, but I do mean you should give up this drive to always try to be perfect and make everybody else happy. You matter too." He pauses, tilting his head thoughtfully before adding, "Actually, you matter most. What you should be doing is figuring out what you want so you can focus on doing that. Live by your own standards for once.”

“Oh Goddess, that’s terrible advice. My own standards are worse than everyone else’s.”

“I believe that,” he laughs, and I don’t think he realizes that I was serious. “But seriously, Anna Jade. You’re lucky because though you’re an Alpha’s child like me, you’re not the eldest child of an Alpha. You’re what, third or fourth? That means you can do and be whatever you want. Your life hasn’t been mapped out for you from birth. And I don’t know if you know this, but you can leave your pack. Like, that’s a whole thing, an entirely possible thing for someone in your position. Your pack isn’t the only place that exists in the world, and you don’t have to stay there.”

“Duh. I did leave. That’s why I’m here.”

I can’t resist the urge to tease him back because the opportunities to do that don’t come often, but I do see his point. I just also don’t want to think about what he’s saying. Going on a trip is one thing, but I don’t want to leave my pack. I couldn’t possibly, even though I don’t yet have words to explain why not.

“If this is your idea of leaving your life behind, then you really need to get out more,” he shoots back at me.

He’s way better at seizing opportunities to rag on me than I am at picking them out for him, obviously. My teasing is mild and timid compared to his, but for the most part, I’m enjoying his humor and playfulness. I could do without the s*x jokes, though.

“I know what you need,” he says with a glint of mischief in his eye. And then he’s back on his feet and turning to offer me his hand. “Come with me. We’re going to fix you.”

When he first introduced me to his motorcycle, after grabbing out two questionably clean shirts from the compartment under the seat so we could both change out of our bloody ones, he brought me to a place that he often comes to when he wants to be alone and have a little privacy. Which is an odd thing to say since we’re up on a really high hill that overlooks the town of Luna’s Grace, completely exposed for all to see should anyone suddenly decide to look up.

He parked his bike down below and then we had to hike up the steep face of the hill, and for part of it he carried me on his back because it was actually a bit too challenging for me to climb. The only thing up here is a digital billboard that we’ve been sitting on the ground and leaning against the legs of for however long we’ve been here. I actually don’t know how whoever owns the billboard maintains it considering that it took an Alpha werewolf to get up the hill, which appears to be the only way to access it.

But now he’s leading me to another side of the hill that overlooks an empty, abandoned field which looks like it might have once been some sort of paved area like a parking lot. I’m left wondering how looking at this spot of nothing is supposed to “fix” me, but he doesn’t leave me hanging for long.

“This is why I like to come up here,” he explains, gesturing at the empty lot below. “It’s high enough up and the wind almost never blows toward the town, so I like to come up here and shout into the wind. And the vast, flat emptiness down there is my only audience, so I can say pretty much whatever I want to.”

“Why?” I ask, laughing because this sounds kind of ridiculous to me.

“Because it’s therapeutic, and I don’t really have any other way to get certain things off my chest. Sometimes I just yell until I feel better, not even bothering with words.”

I suppose that kind of makes sense, in a strange way. Especially for an Alpha male who I assume has a quick temper and a lot of restless, unfocused energy.

“Do you want to try it?” he asks me invitingly.

“What would I even say? I don’t really have anything to get off my chest,” I try to claim, though I suppose that’s not entirely true. It’s more that I don’t think I’d be comfortable doing it this way.

“Bull,” he calls me out, chuckling again. “But that’s okay. I’ll go first and show you how it’s done.”

And then he just starts yelling all kinds of things, pausing after each one to check and see if I’m ready to join in yet.

“No?” he says each time, giving me an amused look. “Well alright then. My turn again.”

And then he’ll shout something else. It’s interesting because although he hasn’t done too much talking about himself, I’m learning a lot about him just from the things he’s shouting.

“Magnus is a stupid name and so is Leopold!”

“People should be able to choose their own mates!”

“Rejection is a right, and you have no right to deny it to us!”

“Nobody cares about your stupid traditions!”

“The Divine isn’t real!”

Although after that one he turns to me and says, “No offense. I know she’s your mom and all.”

I can’t help laughing about that, not knowing whether I should tell him that my mom would agree with him about that.

Then he goes right back to it, shouting until I would expect his voice to be hoarse, but it doesn’t seem to be.

“You ready yet?” he asks for what I can tell is probably the last time. “I’m not going to force you, but I promise you’ll love it. I know there has to be tons of stuff all bottled up inside of your perfect little body.”

Wait, what did he just say? Was that another joke or a real compliment? Is he … was that him flirting with me?

I know I’m blushing, but what surprises me is when he joins in and flushes a bit in the cheeks himself, though I’m sure I’m still far redder than he is.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” he assures me awkwardly. “I just meant that you’re always trying to be perfect about everything. How you talk, how you think, how you act, and yes, even how you look. You’re not even of age yet, so you don't have your wolf, and yet there’s not an ounce of fat on you. Your hair is perfectly straight and smooth, your skin flawless, your clothes perfectly pressed and wrinkle-free, not to mention expertly matched and coordinated.”

And these are bad things? Sure, I put in a lot of effort, but that just means I care. It’s important to take pride in your appearance and how people perceive you, physically and otherwise.

“I’m not complaining or insulting you,” he clarifies, although I don’t know if I believe him. “Trust me, I do appreciate it.”

Okay, that was definitely him flirting, judging by the smirk and how he looked me over like he was checking me out. Guess he has fully recovered from that rare bout of sheepish discomfort he showed a moment ago.

“I’m just saying that it’s okay to not always be and look perfect,” he finishes his lecture. “And I’m a great example of that. Look at me.”

He gestures with both hands up and down his body, and I do look. He looks really good, so I don’t know what point he thinks he’s proving.

“You look perfect too,” I argue back, although I suppose he might just take it as a compliment instead of a protest against his point.

He grins smugly before revealing, “I haven’t even showered or combed my hair today, haven’t touched a razor in about a week, and these pants were on my bedroom floor for a few days. Plus, you saw where the shirt came from, and who knows how long it was in there.”

“Eew,” I tease him, wrinkling my nose dramatically. But I can also see his point now.

“Come here. You love it.”

He lunges for me and pulls me to him so he can shove my face right in his armpit, which has me laughing and squealing and struggling to get away, especially now that I know how poorly he looks after his hygiene. But truth be told, he still smells good, and even knowing how little effort he puts into his appearance, I can’t deny that I still appreciate how he looks too.

“Alright, that’s enough you relentless she-wolf,” he scolds me playfully and pushes me away slightly, as if it was me coming after him this whole time. “But seriously, get over there and start yelling. It doesn’t even have to be words if you can’t think of any. It’s time to let it out, Anna Jade.”

Though I feel silly to even be entertaining the idea, I turn and stand in the exact place where he’s been standing and yelling into the wind, trying to convince myself to actually do it. Lee has shared something special and private by bringing me here and showing me this part of him, and the least I can do is humor him and try to return the favor.

I take a deep breath and open my mouth, letting out the first thing that comes to mind.

“I’m not perfect! I’m just as flawed as the rest of mankind!”

I turn and look at him only to see him smirking at me in amusement, though he doesn’t tease me for it.

“Okay, that’s a good start, but I know there’s more in there,” he says, pointing to my belly. Then he reaches over and tickles it.

I’m still laughing as he repositions himself behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders supportively.

“I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this, but my whole point here is that you need to take the opportunity to vent your frustrations. Speak out all those things you’ve been holding in, and I know you’ve been holding in a lot. I see it every time we’re sitting at the table. Those gears in your mind are constantly whirring, but your polite little ass-kissing interactions are all we ever hear.”

I’m sure he can feel how that makes me tense up because I didn’t expect it. He said before that he didn’t think that of me, but now he’s saying the opposite, and that stings.

“I know you don’t mean it that way, but that’s how it comes out. And quite honestly, that’s what it is when you think about it. You’re afraid of disappointing or upsetting anyone, and the form that takes is you always being careful about what you say, only letting out the things you think people expect or want to hear. Regardless of whether you’re just being polite or trying to make a good impression or whatever it is that you think you’re doing, all anyone else is going to hear is ass-kissing. That’s what people-pleasing is, at its core.”

I try to pull away from him, but he tightens his hold on me, even going as far as to wrap an arm around the front of me to hold me in place. He’s gentle about it, and I get the sense that he’ll let me go if I keep struggling, but he doesn’t want to make it easy for me to run from the point he’s still driving at.

“But Anna Jade, I respect you as a person, and I want to hear what you really think and how you really feel. I want to know what bothers you and what you’d change if you could. I want you to picture those people who are mean and bully you and the people like my sister who can’t be bothered to stick around and get to know you, and then I want you to finally give them a piece of your mind. Right here, right now. Shout it. Shout it so loud that I go deaf.”

Alright, fine. If he wants to hear me shouting so badly, then I guess I’ll try. I still feel ridiculous, but hearing him say all that stuff also kind of makes me want to at least give it a shot because I don’t want to disappoint him. And yes, I know that kind of defeats the purpose and is the opposite of what he’s saying, but that’s the truth.

I square my shoulders as well as I can manage with him still hovering over me and then dig my feet in, taking another deep breath before letting out the first thing that comes to mind again.

“I’m not an ass-kisser!” I yell, and his laughter comes from so close behind me that I can feel him shaking with delight. I bet he’d laugh even harder if he knew that was the first time I’ve ever even said that word.

It takes me a few seconds, but I manage to think of another.

“I wish people would stop commenting on how much I look like my mom!”

“Yeah, there you go,” he praises me, his voice rumbling pleasantly near my ear and making me shiver a little. “Tell them you’re your own person.”

“I’m my own person!” I repeat his suggestion. And I have to admit, it does feel kind of good.

Now that he’s got me started, things to yell just sort of start pouring out of me, and he steps back slightly to give me more space to really get into it.

“I’m not okay with people always ditching me!”

“I hate when people are forced to hang out with me!”

“It wouldn’t kill you to get to know me! I barely even use my magic!”

“My name is Anna Jade!”

“No, I won’t do your chores because you left in the middle of them!”

“I do care what music we listen to while we work!”

I go on like that for a while, until I can feel my throat getting raw and scratchy and start wishing that I had a bucket of water to drink. Besides, my last couple were basically just scratching the bottom of the barrel and complaining about stupid stuff like green beans, so I figure that probably means I’m done.

I turn around and look up at Lee's face, relishing in the proud smile he’s giving me.

“How was that?” he asks, though I know he already knows the answer. He just wants to hear me say it.

“That does feel pretty good,” I admit, not even bothering to pretend nonchalance or deny that I enjoyed it.

He takes me by the hand and leads me back over to our spot in front of the billboard, plopping himself down and dragging me with him.

“Told you so,” he gloats and gives me a smug look. “But unlike me, the things that frustrate you are things you can do something about. If you don’t want to do other people’s chores, don’t. Let them face the consequences of their own laziness.”

When did he change from the sulky future Alpha to becoming my personal life coach?

“And,” he goes on, drawing the word out dramatically. “If you don’t like green beans, you’re old enough that I’m sure your parents won’t make you eat them. All you have to do is speak up.”

“Well thank you, wise gentleman,” I tell him sarcastically. “Your insight is so valuable and appreciated.”

I give him a theatrical little bow of reverence, and he laughs in that full-bodied, belly laugh sort of way.

“You’re cute, but I do hope you take it to heart. It bothers me that you let people like Maggie push you around so much.”

I don’t really have anything to say in my defense, so I just sit beside him and quietly think it over. I didn’t really see the whole thing with Maggie as her pushing me around, but I suppose I see his point. It bothers me too. And honestly, I shouldn’t have let Alpha Magnus push me around either. I should have gone with Tian and Rowan like I wanted to.

I can feel him looking at me every now and then as we sit there, but I can’t bring myself to look up at him. I feel kind of embarrassed that this whole thing with the shouting wasn’t so much about him sharing with me as it was about him calling me out for being weak.

And yet, I’m not uncomfortable enough to want to leave yet. It’s kind of nice having someone who genuinely seems to want to hang out with me, and I plan to stay here and enjoy it until he gets tired of me.