A Hidden Truth

A Little Dream

[Juniper]

    I was walking in the woods, near where we used to camp when I was little. I knew it was a dream, which was the first time in my life I knew I was dreaming. My nerves were on edge.

    When I was really little, the woods around our favorite campsite scared me. Teddy and Carson used to hold my hands while we slept in our tent, because I was so afraid. They would take me on walks to find bugs and rocks and pretty leaves. We would pick wildflowers for our mama and collect twigs and wood for our daddy.

    As I reached the clearing where we used to camp, I saw a fire built up in the center of a circle of flat stones. We used to sit on those stones while we cooked hotdogs or marshmallows. I remembered a lot of fun nights where we would take turns telling stories we made up. It was such a happy time in my life. I’d felt so safe and loved.

    A figure came from the other side of the clearing with an armful of dead wood. As he came closer, I thought it was Carson. But it wasn’t quite right.

    He was about 6’0”, like Teddy, but built more thickly. His hair was sandy blond and shaggy. It fell across his forehead in a carefree way. As he got closer, I could see the sideways smile Carson would get sometimes when he thought of something funny. My heart ached in my chest as I realized, it was my father. Chance Fordyce.

    He dropped the wood and ran to sweep me up in his arms. I felt like a kid again and held him tightly. We cried. I don’t know if it was for the same reasons, but it felt so real, I could imagine we were.

    “I’m glad you came to see me, baby bug. I been watchin’ you.” He murmured into my hair.

    I looked up into his soft green eyes. It really was him. It wasn’t going to change once I relaxed and become Hank.

    “No. This is really me, Juni-bug. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you from him. It took months to get Teddy to come home early from his clubs. I was so scared you were gonna join me here for real.” Tears filled his eyes.

    “It’s okay. I’m safe now. Don’t worry, daddy.” I smiled. “I have a huge family to take care of me. All of my friends, and both of my brothers… and Jaxon.”

    “You’re havin’ trouble with how he makes you feel, aren’t you? Afraid you might lose him? That the universe will take him away if you take it too seriously?” He asked.

     “My Jaxon says I’m his heart. I think he’s mine, too. Like I was living without one, only replacement hearts and made up hearts. I don’t know what to do, daddy.” I murmured.

    “You just love him. He’s your soulmate, darlin’.” My father guided me to the stones and sat me down, sitting on the one next to it. I could feel the heat of the fire on my face.

    “You think so? How do I keep him?” I asked.

    “Respect him. Stop tryin’ to be… intimate with him. Stop touchin’ him and tryin’ to force him into your bed. God, I really hate havin’ to say that to my own daughter. It’s weird as heck.” He shuddered.

    “But I want him, daddy.” I blushed. “I need him. Sorry, daddy.”

    It really was weird to say these things to my own father. Last time I’d seen him; I was only eight years old. He hadn’t aged a day, but here I was, his only daughter, acting like a common trollop.

    He sighed. “Your grampy and I looked all over for a man who would love and protect you. For the one that was meant to be yours. I was surprised when he suggested Tara Callum’s boy. But it made sense, her first marriage was to a nasty man. Jaxon grew up watchin’ his daddy take care of her. He learned how to be careful and gentle with broken people. He seemed like a good match for you. We influenced him. Made him decide to apply at University of Texas instead of Fordham in New York. That’s what got him to you.”

    “Thank you, daddy! I love you! I miss you and grampy. Thank you for bringing my Jaxon to me.” I hugged him again and my heart flew. He had been looking out for me. My real daddy was making sure I had the best of men.

    “Sorry that man ruined the word ‘daddy’ for you, Juni-bug. You don’t have to call me that if it makes you hurt.” He said sadly.

      I smiled at him and looked him in the eye. “No, he didn’t. He was never my daddy. It was like playing pretend. I never meant it when I called him that. He was my mother’s husband. You were always my daddy.” I assured him.

    “I love you so much, Juni-bug. You and your brothers. I’m sorry I left you all alone. I fell asleep. How fuckin’ stupid is that? I lost everything because I fell asleep in a warm car and drifted off a mountain side. I’m so proud of everything you became, Juni. I’m proud of Carson and Teddy. They’ve become good, strong men. I hope Teddy knows, I love him and would’ve been supportive. That’s why we influenced that bail jumper to run to Kotter’s Folly. We were hopin’ to get Teddy and Gary together, too. We want all you kids to be happy and have good lives. We both knew havin’ good partners would help.” He ruffled my hair like he used to when I was little.

    “Why is mama like this now? She loves him so much that, it’s like, she doesn’t have room to love any of us.” I sniffled.

    “Your mama lost a big part of herself when your grampy and I died. I think it messed her up. Marie-Rose was never like that before. She would’ve never agreed to somethin’ like what he did before. We tried to influence her, too, but somethin’ dark lives in her now and she can’t hear us.” He explained.

    “What would’ve happened if you hadn’t died? Would we have been happier?” I wondered.

    “I got to see that a long time ago. We would have had a pretty normal life. You wouldn’t have met Jaxon. You would’ve gone off to school and gotten your degree, then come back to work at the community college. You would’ve married someone who fit well with what you thought your life should look like, but wouldn’t be really happy. Teddy would’ve started a business in Amarillo and dated a lot, but never found someone permanent. Carson would’ve gone into law enforcement and married Camille like he’s gettin’ ready to do.

    It would’ve been a good enough life. You wouldn’t have been friends with those girls, though. They’re better than any of the girls you used to be friends with. But, this is your chance to be with someone that’ll make you happy. He’s the one that makes you better. The rare one to find. I wanted to help you and it was the only thing I could think of.” He told me.

    “Will he really keep me, though? Or will he end up leaving once I’ve messed up too much? Will everything work out for us, daddy?” I asked. 

    “I can’t tell you that, Juni-bug. You can’t know anythin’ about the current future. I wish I could tell you, though. All I can say is, Jaxon loves you as much as you love him. You’re the one that makes him better, too. He’s not gonna leave unless you tell him to. Don’t tell him to leave, Juniper. You need him in ways you don’t understand yet. In ways that have nothin’ to do with how your body feels.” He said seriously.

    I nodded with wide eyes. When my father was serious, it was nothing to be shrugged off. He never did things by halves. It’d be foolish to ignore his warning.

    “You should get movin’. I’ll come see you again sometime. This could be the last time we talk, though. So… Just remember, I love y’all and I give Jaxon my blessin’ to marry you.” He kissed the top of my head and held me tightly.

    I felt tears falling from my eyes. Even if it was some weird dream, and not me talking to my dead father, I was going to cherish it.

    “I love you, daddy. I’ll make sure I do my best so you keep bein’ prouda me.” I drawled.

    “There’s my little girl’s voice. I love you, Juni-bug. Remember, stop tryin’ to get in that boy’s pants and let him take the lead. You don’t have to control everythin’ anymore.” He laughed.

    “Yes, sir.” I grinned.

    The fire started dying down and the shadows of the woods crept in. The flame’s light threw odd shades across my father’s face. He looked less real now, more like a memory, a photograph. Soon the fire went out completely and I was engulfed by darkness. I felt like I was floating.

****

    I woke up wrapped around Jaxon. For a moment, I thought about licking his chest. It was just perfect and tempting as heck. My father’s instructions rang in my ears. I wondered if it was just a dream or if it was real, somehow. There was one definite way to find out.

    Shaking Jaxon lightly, I hoped he would have the answer to my question. He groaned and hugged me to him tighter. I shook him again.

    “Hmmph? What’s wrong, Juniper? Are you okay, sweet?” He said groggily.

    “Were you planning on applying to Fordham?” I asked softly.

    He chuckled. “Yeah. But I missed Texas and I didn’t like the idea of winters there. I’m glad I didn’t, though. Then I wouldn’t have found you, sweet. Why are you asking?”

    “I love you, Jaxon. More than anything or anyone else.” I sighed. My daddy really had brought him to me.

    “And I love you too, my sweet Juniper. Now, go back to sleep. You need rest for school tomorrow.” He mumbled as he drifted off again.

    I was too happy to sleep. Slipping out of his arms, I looked at my phone. It was about five. There was still a lot left in my book and I could make breakfast for the house before getting ready for school. I went to the living room and turned on the lamp by the couch. Picking up my book, I was again drawn into the story of the Dashwood sisters.