Murdered for love

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Natalia

After what my friends and I did last week I feel like the whole school is glowing. It's like you can see the glow around the building and everyone in it. It's amazing. Everyone's so happy, it's like a whole different school. I don't hear complaints when I walk in the corridors anymore. The students are still giving me thumbs up when I pass them, they still give me pats on my shoulder and real genuine smiles. They still tell me I'm great. Who could've thought that a little bit of music and breaking a few rules would turn the school around?

The thing people don't really know about me is that I have bad self-confidence. I love myself, and I love who I am. But sometimes I feel ugly, or stupid. I can spend a whole day, wondering why people like me, why I'm popular in school. But then there are other days when I don't feel like that at all. And I feel like that less and less and it feels great. But I was bullied as a child by some mean girls who moved away later on and the bullying stopped, but I've always been self-conscious after that, and maybe that's why I always want everyone else to be okay, and why I always want to help people. I can't stand the thought of anyone feeling the way I did, and the way I still do sometimes.

Elijah knows about my bad self-confidence and does everything in his power to make me realize that I'm, according to him, beautiful, sexy, smart, and funny, but sometimes I have a hard time believing him. I have never told him that though.

I know that I shouldn't doubt myself, I guess I'm smart since I came up with the plan that got every student to actually like school. I know I'm smart, there's nothing wrong for a person to admit that they're smart and look good, you should think that about yourself. But being bullied takes a lot out of you, even if you don't get visible scars, doesn't mean you don't have scars on the inside. Years ago I had no self-confidence whatsoever. Now I've got a lot, it's only sometimes these thoughts come to mind. But when they do, I've got Elijah and my friends and family to tell me I'm wrong and I actually believe them. It's always much better to believe the people who love you than the people who want to harm you. It makes you feel so much better and you don't let the bad person win. Instead, you win. So yeah I won. But it's not always easy to think like that.

I walk with Audrey through the corridor. We've just had a calculus exam. We've got exams all day today. It's a little exhausting but school is school and I love school, but I hate exams, does anyone like exams? I actually want to become a teacher though. To help high school students through four, I know to be tough, years. Help them with their confusion, their frustration, and their efforts. It's not always easy to be a teenager and you're in high school for basically all of your teenage years, it's hard to battle high school and all the exams with all you're emotions and feelings, girlfriends and boyfriends, friends, friends are not always easy, after school job, all the hours sitting by a bench listening to a teacher when you really would want to be somewhere completely else. I want to help students who need help with school, who need motivation, who feel depressed and sad, and everything else. I want to give students hope. I think I can be a great teacher. Dad says I can absolutely be the best teacher, but he's my dad, he's almost programmed to say encouraging things to me.

"God I'm so over these exams", Audrey says. She doesn't like school as much as I do but she's got all the highest grades because she needs a scholarship to Brown University. They told her she'd get a scholarship if she kept up her high grades and her incredible swimming. Audrey has one goal in her life, and that is to get an OS medal in swimming. The Olympic Games that is. Just like Logan. I think she's got a good chance to as well. She's like a shark in the water. So fast and strong and beautiful yet fearful. No one has ever beaten her in competitions, and every swimmer who's met her is jealous and scared of her. I'm scared of her as well at times, the girl can be crazy. We were at the mall once and she tackled another girl who tried to take the last pair of shoes Audrey wanted. The girl ended up with a black eye and a blank spot on her head. As I said, Audrey can be crazy. And it's not like that other girl was innocent either, she gave Audrey a big scratch on the back, which is now a scar "Like teachers, we do have a life outside of school!"

I giggle. We absolutely do have a life outside of school. And a big part of that contains studying. I'm not complaining but it sure would be nice to not have these many exams. I don't want to complain, we are lucky to have such a good school, but we would like to have some more free time.

I put my arms around Audrey's neck and she put an arm around my waist.

"It's only three exams left", I say. "Brighten up, it's lunchtime now".

"Yeah, Logan's favorite class of the day", Audrey giggles.

"Lunch is not a class though", I laugh and shake my head.

"Tell that to Logan, he's very dedicated", she says.

"Yeah well I think it's safe to say that he'd get higher grades than us if it was a real class", I giggle and smile at the thought.

Audrey laughs and nods. Logan loves to eat. Food is like a religion to him, and he takes it seriously as well. He once saw me trying to throw away half a burger and he yelled at me for fifteen minutes for it. He said that you don't throw away a gift from God. I've never laughed harder than I did back then. I can't believe how much food actually means to him.

We reach the lockers and when I open the locker lid a note flies out.

Not again.

I stuff my locker with all of my things and I sigh when crouch down to pick up the note. I can't believe that I'm still getting these notes. It's starting to become highly irritating.

"Be happy while you can b***h xoxo".

The note is snatched from my hands. "Audrey don't!" I say and fly up trying to get the note back.

I snatch it back but Audrey has already had time to read it, she looks angry.

"Report it!" She says. "Report it now, now I tell you!"

"I can't, I don't know who's giving me these notes", I hiss and put it into my locker with some of the other notes I've been given this week. "And you can't tell anyone". I close my locker.

"How am I supposed to not tell?" Audrey asks arms crossed over her chest. "You're being harassed!"

"Yeah but I don't care, and besides, it's probably nothing serious anyways", I say. "They only want to scare me, that or they're just plain stupid, I don't know, but I'm not scared, I don't care about some stupid low lives, and neither should you".

"I don't know that Natalia", she says unsure. "It all seems fishy to me".

"Don't tell anyone", I say. "Audrey, just don't, I can handle this".

"I don't know", she says. "It doesn't feel right".

"Come on Audrey lighten up, no one's died or anything it's just a bunch of childish notes", I say.

I can tell that Audrey doesn't believe me. She was with me one time when I got a note and she believed me when I said it was nothing. Now she doesn't. I still believe it. Some stupid long-lasting and lame prank.

We walk towards the cafeteria and meet up with the others.

Elijah kisses me and I smile against his lips. I never get tired to kiss my boy. I don't care if we're in school. Though yes, we're in school, so it's only a short kiss. Like an I'm-happy-to-see-you kiss.

We walk into the cafeteria and stop in the line. Logan is very excited. Today they serve lasagna. He loves lasagna. Loves it! He's like Donkey in the Shrek movies, he also loves lasagna, and let's face it, Logan looks like a donkey and he behaves like one sometimes. Maybe that was mean, but it's true, I love him anyway though, he wouldn't be Logan if he wasn't similar to a donkey.

I look into my bag. f**k. I forgot my wallet at home. Dammit.

"Damn!" I hiss, still going through my bag.

"What?" Elijah asked.

"I forgot my wallet", I say. "I had to drop Gabriel off at school and everything was so hectic, god I can't believe I forgot it".

"No worries, I got cash", Elijah says, taking my hand in his.

"Elijah no, you know I don't like it when you pay for me", I say and the guilt is now starting to eat me up from the inside because I know that he won't take no for an answer.

"And you know I like paying for you, so get over it", he says.

"Elijah..." I say but he interrupts me.

"Nope not listening", he says.

"Ugh", I sigh and lean against him.

I love that Elijah wants to take care of me, but I also like to take care of myself, and I want to pay for my own food, and I know I could pay if I just hadn't forgotten my wallet. The truth is that I have more money than Elijah does and I don't even work for it, I just get it from my parents. Elijah works so hard for his money and that's one of the things I admire most about him. But that's also the reason I don't want him to pay for me. I'm going to try to pay him back but it will be hard since he's going to refuse the money.

I look at Elijah, sometimes he feels like he's too good to be true, and he's mine, that's the best part of it. Mine.