That Night

I am running, running away from him. Flying across the park. Screaming and crying. I trip over a branch but I don't fall. I stumble a bit but I keep running. As fast as my legs can carry me. Those years of track paid off. I keep running terrified. I can hear him gaining on me. My vision is blurry from the tears. They fall uncontrollably from my eyes. My own waterfalls. Something grabs my leg and I fall over. I look and it's tree root. I turn up and his face is all I can see. I want to scream and yell but nothing forms. My cries only fuel his hunger for me. His hunger for my body. His hunger for my pain. His hunger for my innocence. "Scream... Cry... Please... " His husky voice is in my ear. He is positioned on top of me. He rips off my shorts and my underwear. He is going to do it. He wants me to scream and yell and cry, but I can't. I am frozen with fear. I am petrified. My brain yells at me to scream but my mouth clamps shut. I throat cave into itself. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel a sharp pain. He softly pins my hands to the ground with one of his large hands. He thrusts soft at first. I know I'm bleeding, it's my first time. My eyes still release the liquids of pain and suffering. He closes his eyes. He doesn't want to witness my pain. Although I know he is raping me I can't help but feel like he doesn't want to do it. Like he is forcing himself to do it. He doesn't speed up. He continues at the same pace soft and slow like he's regretting it. He looks at me and his emotions are all hidden deep in his eyes. I am terrified and quickly look away. I try to think of something else. I busy my mind with other thoughts. I occasionally squirm under him when he hurts me. "Sorry, I'll do it softer." He whispers. I finally find my voice and speak. "Please... Stop..." I slightly sob. "I can't do that." I hate this man. I hate his hazel eyes. Although his face is covered in a mask I can only see his eyes. Those hazel eyes that cause me so much pain and sorrow. Everything around me goes black. The man over me is no longer there, no longer causing me pain and anguish. I'm just on the floor. Slightly breathing. I wake up in a cold sweat, my body is trembling and my sheets are all over the floor. Just a nightmare I calm myself. That night always comes back to haunt me in my dreams. I pull my legs to my chest and sob. I hear a soft whimper and I look up and see my babies. I smile at them and they stand up in the crib. "Hey, Tyler. Hey, Ashton" I whisper. My voice is weak and broken. I get off the bed and walk to their crib. They are sleepy and are rubbing their hazel eyes. Those eyes that have haunted me in my dreams for three years now, but never would I blame Tyler or Ashton for what that monster did to me. Once I am close Tyler and Ashton lift their arms for me to carry them. I pick them up and cradle them to my chest. They wrap their tiny arms around my neck and dig their face into me. I walk back to my bed and lay them down on the bed. I lay down next to them. Tyler cuddles into my body. While Ashton keeps his grip on my arm, not wanting me to let him go. I smile. Although they have their "father's" eyes they are MY children. Not his, MINE. only mine. "Momma, I luff you," Tyler says sleepily. I smile as tears form in my eyes. "I love you too sweetheart.," I whisper. I kiss his head and cover him with the comforter. A few minutes later he is asleep. Ashton is sucking on his thumb and holding onto my shirt. Afraid that if he lets go I'll disappear. Aston and Tyler are completely and utterly asleep. I, on the other hand, am not, I can't go to sleep knowing he's there waiting for me, I just can't. I walk to the bathroom after finally prying myself from Ashton's grip. Maybe a cold shower will help. I quickly strip and enter the shower. When I am done, I walk to my room. I grab clothing and get dressed. I look at the clock at 5:15 am. Well might as well stay up, no point in going back to sleep I think to myself. I start to make Tyler and Ashton's bag for daycare. I put everything they'll need. Bottles and clothing. After that, I start to do my makeup and put on my clothing for work. The time is soon 6:45 and I walk over to the bed. I take the comforter away and softly wake up Tyler and Ashton. "Tyler sweetie, wake up... Ashton sweetheart... It's time to get up" I whisper They stir but don't wake. I smile and shake them a little harder, this time Tyler wakes and sits up. Tyler rubs his eyes and those big hazel orbs look at me sleepily. I smile and help him stand. I take off his PJ's and check his diapers. I lay him down and change them. Even though he didn't dirty them I still change them to be clean. I then put on his socks and pants. By this time he is fully awake. I set him on the ground, I walk to the dresser and look for one of his shirts. I turn around and he starts running out the room screaming and giggling. I softly laugh and hurry after him. "Oh, I'm gonna get you," I say in the deepest voice I can muster. He laughs and keeps running. After a while, I decide it's time to go. I finally 'catch' him and put on his shirt. I grab his little Nike shoes and help him into them. He smiles and kisses my cheek. His hands wrap around my neck and I can't help but hug him back. I put him down on his chair and put his breakfast in front of him. I walk over to Ashton and wake him up. His groggy eyes stare up at me and I smile. He sits up and lifts his hands up to me. I smile and lift him off the bed. I lay him on the dresser and change his clothes. I check his diaper and just like his brother he is clean. Either way, I still change the overnight diaper. Once he is fully dressed I slide on his socks and shoes. Tyler and Ashton wear the same thing but in different colors. While Tyler's shirt says 'Just do it' in a neon green, Ashton's says the same but the shirt is Neon Blue. Both boys are wearing jean pants and black Nike shoes. I pick them up and grab their bag. I grab my purse and my keys and head for the door. Once I've strapped Tyler and Ashton into the car seat I had them apple slices I prepared for them the night before. I close the door and walk to the front door. I then see a small note. Angel, I know that I have caused you pain. I'm probably the last person you want to see, but I have to say I'm sorry. I have to explain myself. It took me months to find you. I know that what I did was an unforgivable crime but I hope that you're still that girl I fell in love with. If you still contain hatred for me then at least tell me face to face. I promise you I will turn myself into the cops, in front of you and I will never bother you again. Sincerely, Your sons' father. P.S. You look stunning in that outfit. My breathing stopped and my body froze. My sons' father? Tears begin to fall from my eyes. I can't control it. I am terrified and he knows where I live. I grab Tyler and Ashton along with our stuff. I lock the door and run inside the house. He can't do this to me. Not again. I won't let him.