POV: Lena
I couldn’t believe my eyes as I looked back and forth between my best friend and my conquest! Could this really be happening?!
I had seen Geraint arrive earlier and had spent some time thinking about all of the delicious things I wanted to do to him later.. but now I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of it!
Geraint stepped in front of Anna, and I saw the unmistakable change in his eyes as his wolf pushed forward, and he started to loose control. As if we were the assassin in the night. As if WE were pulling his world apart not the other way around! -“MY ANNA” growled Tala.
“We aren’t going to fight tonight! Tala and I growled together “stand down Dog!” I used the force of my gift to subdue him, but I almost wish we could have fought him, Tala and I thought together as she restlessly paced in my mind.
Anna turned to me and asked me to wait, before turning back to him and quietly talking to him.
As she stepped towards me I could see him wanting to follow her and I glared at him.
“Lena I’m assuming you two have history? Anna said calmly. I’m going to take him back to the flat so we can talk.” She said thoughtfully. “I love you but I need space with him on my own.”
“Over my dead body” I replied knowing that Tala was speaking for me. “You don’t know anything about him. He’s not coming back to the flats! That’s final!!” I snapped. “We have too much to protect to let just anyone in!” I said the hurt in my soul sounding like poison on my lips.
Anna looked shocked and glared up at me. “He isn’t anyone Lena he’s my Mate! That’s enough! I don’t want to fight with you! I’ll give you a chance to sort out your priorities. We’ll have a night away and come home in the morning!” She said firmly turning on her heal and rejoining her mate.
The look they shared as their eyes met suggested I’d already been forgotten, I was insignificant compared to the vastness of their love for each other, and their bond seemed to engulf them like a physical entity before my eyes.
I left the club early and walked home deep in thought. I knew I was the bad guy. I always was. But that didn’t seem to stop the hurt I felt. I had reacted badly, I knew I had. Really, what did I expect to happen when I took Anna to True Moon event on a full moon!? Did I think that just because it hadn’t happened to me, that it wouldn’t happen to Anna? How many events have I hosted and nothing! I thought bitterly, as my mood darkened further.
“We saw him first!” Tala sulked in the back of my mind. “He was ours!” She growled.
“Yes but did we really want him?” I asked her back, “or do we just think we want him because Anna has him!”
“He could have been our chosen mate” she protested angrily.
“And I’m bloody glad he wasn’t!” I replied harshly, “imagine if we’d gone through all of that just to take him home and have him meet Anna! He wouldn’t be able to deny the fated bond! They belong together and we just have to accept it” I sighed.
“Doesn’t mean we have to like it!” Tala answered back whimpering to herself unhappily.
Why was it so confusing? I felt like my emotions were pulling me in different directions. I didn’t know what to do, Kerri was away, and hadn’t been in contact since she’d left, and Anna was normally my sounding board but now I didn’t have her anymore! It had been the three of us for so long. Just the three of us. And now I had no one!
Flashback…
I was thirteen years old and I was a ‘troubled’ child, or at least that’s what they all kept telling me, I had ‘truma’ and used ‘negative actions’ to rebel against the care I didn’t feel I deserved! I scoffed to myself, about their ridiculous theories. Basically I just wanted to be left alone, and was counting down the days until I could start my own life. I loved to daydream about all to the exotic locations I would travel to, and all of the adventures I would have. I had felt little emotion when I had been told I’d be moving foster homes again. I wasn’t surprised, everyone seemed to get tired of me very quickly, and this new place would be no different.
However when I got to know Caroline she had been different to how I was expecting her to be. She treated me like her long lost child from the moment I walked in through the door, she openly defended me and wouldn’t hear a bad word against me, even when we both knew I was in the wrong. She was patient and kind just like her daughter Anna.
She had started fostering a few years previously, finding her first foster child, Kerri at the age of five, and although Kerri and I were only a year apart in age we were both closer to quiet gentle Anna, always managing to fall out when we rubbed each other the wrong way.
Once I’d asked Caroline why she hadn’t fostered more children, she had a big enough house and some of the homes I’d been to were stuffed to the rafters with children, just to claim the extra allowance the government gave foster parents. Caroline always said she’d known I was coming and she’d waited for me specifically to come into her life. One time I’d been cross and answered back that if she’d really know, why didn’t she come sooner to find me! But instead of being cross she hugged me and told me about how the Goddess had a plan for us all. That was always her answer, and it often infuriated me “the goddess will guide you” she would say happily, or “only the goddess knows”. Little did I know that I had just started the training and education that would change my life forever.
When Caroline passed away our hearts had broken. She was really only Anna’s mum not mine and Kerri’s, but it felt like I’d loved her forever, she was such a big personality, and such a positive part of my life.
Since then it had just been the three of us, until we found Mia. We had used the money Caroline left each of us, to buy the flat and make investments and had slowly built our life with each other as the foundation.
But now I felt thoroughly crushed. I’d been replaced by a mate! I felt lost. Abandoned by my sister and forsaken by my Goddess. Maybe there wasn’t a place for me here anymore?
I got in and checked on all of the sleeping pups. Mia was up with Juno giving her a night feed so I took over and let her get to bed.
“Where’s Anna?” She asked sounding slightly worried.
“It’s a long story” I explained, feeling tired and not really wanting to talk about it. “She won’t be home tonight, would you be a star and hold Juno again? I’ll carry her cot up to my room” I asked handing the little pup back to Mia.
“Well where is she?” She asked surprised “she never stays out all night! Is she ok?”
“She is, she’s fine, she’ll be back first thing. I want to let her explain” I said the tiredness showing in my voice.
“Oh my goddess! Has she met someone?” Mia asked her eyes going wide. “She has hasn’t she?!Thats amazing!”
“Shh you’ll wake the others!” I warned. “I’m not saying anything, Anna is fine, she’ll be home first thing to explain everything” I said knowing I was repeating myself.
“Is he handsome?” She squeaked getting more excited again. “I bet he is!”
I didn’t reply. I patted little Juno on the back gently and went to fetch the cot into my room.
I knew Mia had reacted in the right way. Some remaining sense of logic told me that that was the appropriate response, but it had still surprised me. Something in me had wanted her to be cross too. That maybe after all these years of being at odds with Mia we could finally be allies! A united front against the invader called Geraint!
I set up the cot as quickly as I could and Mia followed me up to pass me back the now sleeping pup. This was all so new to me. I was a mess, even I knew I was, but this little person needed me tonight. I made a pact with Tala and we agreed that the sleeping pup, well actually, all of our pups were more important than we were. We can fall apart as much as we liked but their needs had to be met. It wasn’t easy but parents don’t get a day off, and they really are more important than we are.
Sleep came easily but we were plagued with bad dreams of loosing everyone, they were there and then they fell away, or we tried to save them and we still lost them. Next we wanted them and they rejected us. We chased them through mist and we chased them to the edge of cliffs. We woke exhausted to the sound of Juno crying. She was clearly uneasy in a different environment. Maybe she felt the change in the air as keenly as I did, and I loved her for it. Finally I had found someone to cry with. And I did. While Tala howled, I cried. We rocked little Juno, we cried. We changed her, we fed her and we cried. We rocked her again and like a sister bonded in solidarity we still cried together until we both fell into an exhausted dreamless sleep.
As morning arrived I left Juno sleeping and went for a quick shower. I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and I looked as bad as I felt. My eyes were puffy from crying and my pale face seemed dull and blotchy.
Today wasn’t going to be easy, and I was stealing myself to the fact that Anna would ask me to leave. The Mate bond wouldn’t allow me to stay, and if she felt that I was trying to come between her and her mate she would be forced to banish me from her life completely.
I looked around my room and was surprised that I felt very little emotion towards the thought of leaving. I loved our flats, but I realised it wasn’t because of the building, it was because of the people. They were my home, they were my family, they were my everything! All else paled in comparison to my love for them.
Juno was still sleeping after her restless night so I tiptoed around my room getting a few things together that I could take to the club.
It was the cowards way out, and I knew it, but if I could take myself out of the situation for a little while, if I could just step away and let life carry on without me maybe just maybe there’ll be a little bit of room for me still, even if it’s just at the edges of their lives. That would be better than to be cast out completely, cut off from all that I love.
With my bag packed I tiptoed out of the room and down the stairs. Mia was in the living room with Jody and I passed her the baby monitor explaining that I had an early meeting so had to get going. If we had been closer she may have seen through my lie but they were caught up in the excitement of expecting Anna home. I looked around for Oliver and my heart ached at the thought of saying goodbye. I would come back for him but I couldn’t take him with me away from his family when I had nowhere to go myself. I stuck my head into the kitchen and I could see him lying under the table with his cars happily playing. I lay down on my tummy and scooted close.
“Good morning, my love, did you sleep ok?”
“Im playing cars” he explained happily.
“Ok my darling, I’ve got to go to work now, will you give me a kiss before I go?” I asked trying to keep my voice from breaking. Oliver crawled out from his hiding place and jumped into my arms.
“Don’t go to work mummy, stay and play!” He said putting both of his hands on my cheeks as we rubbed our noses together “wolf kiss” he laughed kissing me on the cheek too.
“I will be back to play soon, and maybe I’ll bring you a surprise when I next see you.” I promised.
I hugged him again tightly and breathed in his warm scent before tickling to make him laugh. I needed this moment cemented in my mind. I needed to hold on to everything good and pure.
“Right you go and play” I said reluctantly letting him go.
I turned as I left the kitchen and glanced back at his golden curls, and I felt like my heart was made of stone.